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Old Today, 03:42 PM
 
10 posts, read 2,052 times
Reputation: 45

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I've posted on here before about my relationship problems and at the time, things seemed dire. Well they improved drastically for a while but are now at the lowest they've ever been and, quite frankly, I'm totally at a loss. I'm not mentioning names or anything specific out of respect for her.

So on June 24th, my girlfriend was officially diagnosed with breast cancer. Stage 2b. She'll at least need one breast removed which doesn't bother me at all because I love her for more than just her body. I've told her from the beginning that I'd never abandon her or leave her and that I would fight this with her and believe in her. I must have told her these things a million times in the last month. Now here's where things get tricky. When we started dating she was in the middle of a divorce. I knew this and I didn't care because she lived alone and she didn't talk about this guy. We were deeply in love and were open and honest with each other about everything.

Well now that her diagnosis is official, she is of course devastated, as am I. I hurt for her like nothing I've ever experienced in my life. She cries nonstop is what she tells me. I'm not religious but I pray to whatever is out there every day and night to help give her the strength to fight this battle and come out victorious. Now I mentioned the tricky part before, well I guess it was a couple weeks ago that she told me she was moving home (she's originally from another state but has lived here for the last 6 years or so) to get treatment and said her soon-to-be ex-husband is going with her. I, of course told her that I would sacrifice anything to help her and that I'd gladly go with her, but she kindly refused. So we continued to exchange messages and early last week so told me that there's no guarantee that she'll live and that she wants her husband there always. She said that she'd bet everything she owns that I'd find the right girl and have kids and be glad that I didn't waste my time taking care of her. I waited a couple days and then sent a reply and just asked if there was any news on treatment or anything that will get this recovery process going. I also included a polite and kind short message telling her that true love is taking the good and the bad together and what I would regret was not being there to help her and take of her. Wasting my time would be giving up and saying **********. I may be 34 but I've already found the right girl. She responded back that there was no treatment plan in place yet and was mad that her doctor's office was dragging their feet. She didn't respond to the nice message of hope I wrote, but I'd rather her not than to get mad at me. I simply told her that I'll always believe in her and she said that meant a lot. I then responded that whenever she is crying, I'm there holding her in spirit. This was the last I've talked to her so far and that was last Wednesday.

What I'd like is some advice. As my thread title suggests, am I crazy for trying to fight for this relationship and continue to put myself through hell? I know she's just trying to protect me in case she doesn't make it, and I get it completely, but I simply cannot give up on her. I'm a hopeless romantic and from the moment we started talking I knew she was the "One" and I still believe this. I'm prepared to be single for the rest of my life if need be and I've already made plans to move to Central Europe in case things don't go as I'd like them to. If anyone could provide me with some insightful advice I'd greatly appreciate it. As a great man once said about love: "you can't start it like a car, you can't stop it with a gun."
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Old Today, 03:53 PM
 
Location: Fuquay Varina
4,628 posts, read 6,699,030 times
Reputation: 11569
Since her Ex went with her, I'd say it is over.

If she was all alone I would agree that she was just trying to protect you, but it sounds like the 2 of them are reconciling for the time she has left.
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Old Today, 03:58 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,641 posts, read 42,240,397 times
Reputation: 84092
Quote:
Originally Posted by Samoth View Post
I've posted on here before about my relationship problems and at the time, things seemed dire. Well they improved drastically for a while but are now at the lowest they've ever been and, quite frankly, I'm totally at a loss. I'm not mentioning names or anything specific out of respect for her.

So on June 24th, my girlfriend was officially diagnosed with breast cancer. Stage 2b. She'll at least need one breast removed which doesn't bother me at all because I love her for more than just her body. I've told her from the beginning that I'd never abandon her or leave her and that I would fight this with her and believe in her. I must have told her these things a million times in the last month. Now here's where things get tricky. When we started dating she was in the middle of a divorce. I knew this and I didn't care because she lived alone and she didn't talk about this guy. We were deeply in love and were open and honest with each other about everything.

Well now that her diagnosis is official, she is of course devastated, as am I. I hurt for her like nothing I've ever experienced in my life. She cries nonstop is what she tells me. I'm not religious but I pray to whatever is out there every day and night to help give her the strength to fight this battle and come out victorious. Now I mentioned the tricky part before, well I guess it was a couple weeks ago that she told me she was moving home (she's originally from another state but has lived here for the last 6 years or so) to get treatment and said her soon-to-be ex-husband is going with her. I, of course told her that I would sacrifice anything to help her and that I'd gladly go with her, but she kindly refused. So we continued to exchange messages and early last week so told me that there's no guarantee that she'll live and that she wants her husband there always. She said that she'd bet everything she owns that I'd find the right girl and have kids and be glad that I didn't waste my time taking care of her. I waited a couple days and then sent a reply and just asked if there was any news on treatment or anything that will get this recovery process going. I also included a polite and kind short message telling her that true love is taking the good and the bad together and what I would regret was not being there to help her and take of her. Wasting my time would be giving up and saying **********. I may be 34 but I've already found the right girl. She responded back that there was no treatment plan in place yet and was mad that her doctor's office was dragging their feet. She didn't respond to the nice message of hope I wrote, but I'd rather her not than to get mad at me. I simply told her that I'll always believe in her and she said that meant a lot. I then responded that whenever she is crying, I'm there holding her in spirit. This was the last I've talked to her so far and that was last Wednesday.

What I'd like is some advice. As my thread title suggests, am I crazy for trying to fight for this relationship and continue to put myself through hell? I know she's just trying to protect me in case she doesn't make it, and I get it completely, but I simply cannot give up on her. I'm a hopeless romantic and from the moment we started talking I knew she was the "One" and I still believe this. I'm prepared to be single for the rest of my life if need be and I've already made plans to move to Central Europe in case things don't go as I'd like them to. If anyone could provide me with some insightful advice I'd greatly appreciate it. As a great man once said about love: "you can't start it like a car, you can't stop it with a gun."
Yes, you would be crazy to fight for this, as there is nothing to fight for.

You have your feelings to deal with, but she has told you she is done and is basically reconciling with her husband while she goes through this.

Please understand that in her mind, your relationship is over. You need to look forward, not back.
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Old Today, 04:02 PM
 
371 posts, read 70,137 times
Reputation: 695
I agree that it sounds like she is getting back together with her husband and that it is over.

I'm so sorry OP
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Old Today, 04:06 PM
 
Location: North State (California)
40,393 posts, read 3,066,341 times
Reputation: 13219
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carly1983 View Post
I agree that it sounds like she is getting back together with her husband and that it is over.

I'm so sorry OP
I am sorry but I also agree that it's over & she is getting back with her ex. Try & find someone new.
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Old Today, 04:12 PM
 
8,229 posts, read 6,072,411 times
Reputation: 5843
Quote:
Originally Posted by Samoth View Post
I've posted on here before about my relationship problems and at the time, things seemed dire. Well they improved drastically for a while but are now at the lowest they've ever been and, quite frankly, I'm totally at a loss. I'm not mentioning names or anything specific out of respect for her.

So on June 24th, my girlfriend was officially diagnosed with breast cancer. Stage 2b. She'll at least need one breast removed which doesn't bother me at all because I love her for more than just her body. I've told her from the beginning that I'd never abandon her or leave her and that I would fight this with her and believe in her. I must have told her these things a million times in the last month. Now here's where things get tricky. When we started dating she was in the middle of a divorce. I knew this and I didn't care because she lived alone and she didn't talk about this guy. We were deeply in love and were open and honest with each other about everything.

Well now that her diagnosis is official, she is of course devastated, as am I. I hurt for her like nothing I've ever experienced in my life. She cries nonstop is what she tells me. I'm not religious but I pray to whatever is out there every day and night to help give her the strength to fight this battle and come out victorious. Now I mentioned the tricky part before, well I guess it was a couple weeks ago that she told me she was moving home (she's originally from another state but has lived here for the last 6 years or so) to get treatment and said her soon-to-be ex-husband is going with her. I, of course told her that I would sacrifice anything to help her and that I'd gladly go with her, but she kindly refused. So we continued to exchange messages and early last week so told me that there's no guarantee that she'll live and that she wants her husband there always. She said that she'd bet everything she owns that I'd find the right girl and have kids and be glad that I didn't waste my time taking care of her. I waited a couple days and then sent a reply and just asked if there was any news on treatment or anything that will get this recovery process going. I also included a polite and kind short message telling her that true love is taking the good and the bad together and what I would regret was not being there to help her and take of her. Wasting my time would be giving up and saying **********. I may be 34 but I've already found the right girl. She responded back that there was no treatment plan in place yet and was mad that her doctor's office was dragging their feet. She didn't respond to the nice message of hope I wrote, but I'd rather her not than to get mad at me. I simply told her that I'll always believe in her and she said that meant a lot. I then responded that whenever she is crying, I'm there holding her in spirit. This was the last I've talked to her so far and that was last Wednesday.

What I'd like is some advice. As my thread title suggests, am I crazy for trying to fight for this relationship and continue to put myself through hell? I know she's just trying to protect me in case she doesn't make it, and I get it completely, but I simply cannot give up on her. I'm a hopeless romantic and from the moment we started talking I knew she was the "One" and I still believe this. I'm prepared to be single for the rest of my life if need be and I've already made plans to move to Central Europe in case things don't go as I'd like them to. If anyone could provide me with some insightful advice I'd greatly appreciate it. As a great man once said about love: "you can't start it like a car, you can't stop it with a gun."
Don't know how long you've known her, but you seem to have fallen really hard for her, but she is going back to her ex. You don't have to worry about her. Move on and find a new one. Guard your feelings.
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Old Today, 04:16 PM
 
10 posts, read 2,052 times
Reputation: 45
She says it’s because he knows how to handle her when she’s depressed or angry, but I’ve told her she can get angry at me or depressed or whatever she’s feeling and I’ll deal with it.

Yes I have fallen for her very hard.
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Old Today, 04:25 PM
 
Location: In a place beyond human comprehension
7,724 posts, read 4,939,005 times
Reputation: 12728
She's gone now OP, she made her decision. You can't make her be with you. You just have to respect her wishes and move on. Maybe when she recovers and truly completely separates from her husband you two can have a chance in the future. But don't wait on that.
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Old Today, 04:35 PM
 
8,229 posts, read 6,072,411 times
Reputation: 5843
Quote:
Originally Posted by Samoth View Post
She says its because he knows how to handle her when shes depressed or angry, but Ive told her she can get angry at me or depressed or whatever shes feeling and Ill deal with it.

Yes I have fallen for her very hard.
It happens, all you can do now is move on and do everything you can to get your mind off of her. And remember, there are plenty of other women out there, you can find someone a lot better for her.
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