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Old 08-08-2019, 10:16 AM
 
12,839 posts, read 10,070,758 times
Reputation: 16445

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Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123 View Post
I think you're completely misquoting me. You're going off on a tangent here. I am NOT the kind of person that would exact THAT kind of control on a woman. Not sure how you assumed that about me.



Correlation without causation. This seems to be a common theme with you and other's posts. There's no cause and effect here.

For some reason you are tying the benefits of a casual sex lifestyle (people who bore easily) to preconceived notions of the glass-half empty part of monogamy.
It is difficult to understand your continued equivalence of casual sex and easy boredom in light of this now long thread. You attributing motives that are not there, even with Sonic's example of her friend.

Quote:
It's split between the OP's "I can't see how people can do this" and those who can do it. It's these agree to disagree topics that can go on for miles and miles. That...and the "friend zone" topic. lol
And this so has nothing to do with this stupid "friend zone" crap. Being someone's friend as a bad thing is a modern male construct to defend the notion that women are not useful in that (or any other non-sexual or romantic) capacity.
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Old 08-08-2019, 10:22 AM
 
21,053 posts, read 16,871,551 times
Reputation: 39392
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
I reject this bolded. I think it is convenient to wrap ones mind around their feelings as biological imperative. Too much evidence shows my this just aint so. It is also a fact that that same chemical is released for men. And that much more is involved in the human experience that is explained biochemically.

If the same chemical was released in men, they would get attached through sex even with a casual person they just met. They don't, spoken as that casual person at times where I was attached and the guy never calls again and a lifetime of living around other girls and then women who have all experienced that. I've felt blinded after sex even to men I didn't really even like on the other hand. Men in general are much more capable of having sex and never looking back than women are, it's just fact. All you have to do is read mens forums and womens forums to see how different we are in this area.
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Old 08-08-2019, 10:29 AM
 
12,839 posts, read 10,070,758 times
Reputation: 16445
Quote:
Originally Posted by ocnjgirl View Post
If the same chemical was released in men, they would get attached through sex even with a casual person they just met. They don't,
You are, wrongly in my view, attributing that chemical as the only or primary operator in this equation.
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Old 08-08-2019, 10:37 AM
 
656 posts, read 340,825 times
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There is a chemical men release too btw. Its called vasopressin and is what is said to cause men to become territorial and possessive over their sex partner. It also causes men to want to exclusively mate with one woman.
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Old 08-08-2019, 10:43 AM
 
21,053 posts, read 16,871,551 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
You are, wrongly in my view, attributing that chemical as the only or primary operator in this equation.

It;s not the only thing, but there are biological differences between men and women that are a large part of the reason why men and women are not equally capable, in general, of casual sex. Even rich women who use escorts don't want a different one every time but generally see the same man. Yes, there are "nurture" reasons too, but if you went to some tribal island where there was no religion and no shame about sex, by and large the women would still be drawn to one mate and the men more likely to have many partners. IMO.
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Old 08-08-2019, 10:44 AM
 
21,053 posts, read 16,871,551 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00 View Post
There is a chemical men release too btw. Its called vasopressin and is what is said to cause men to become territorial and possessive over their sex partner. It also causes men to want to exclusively mate with one woman.

Well, it is quite obviously not as strong as ours, as many men find it very easy to walk away and never look back as soon as they zip their pants, This is generally not the case for women.
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Old 08-08-2019, 10:44 AM
 
12,839 posts, read 10,070,758 times
Reputation: 16445
Quote:
Originally Posted by ocnjgirl View Post
It;s not the only thing, but there are biological differences between men and women that are a large part of the reason why men and women are not equally capable, in general, of casual sex.
All evidence to the contrary, I wonder why you maintain this? Experience of people as well as studies have shown this.
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Old 08-08-2019, 10:46 AM
 
21,053 posts, read 16,871,551 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
All evidence to the contrary, I wonder why you maintain this? Experience of people as well as studies have shown this.

I maintain this because I am a woman who has known and been around thousands of women and men for a long enough time to have seen it with my own eyes. I have been on forums where women in love are crying about the guy who only wants sex and nothing else. There is evidence to my point in front of my eyes.
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Old 08-08-2019, 10:48 AM
 
12,839 posts, read 10,070,758 times
Reputation: 16445
Quote:
Originally Posted by ocnjgirl View Post
I maintain this because I am a woman who has known and been around thousands of women and men for a long enough time to have seen it with my own eyes. I have been on forums where women in love are crying about the guy who only wants sex and nothing else. There is evidence to my point in front of my eyes.
I agree that this happens. I do not agree that the cause of this is solely or largely biochemical.
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Old 08-08-2019, 11:42 AM
 
Location: Colorado
12,157 posts, read 7,453,799 times
Reputation: 21822
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
People looking for excuses to not get into a committed relationship make too many assumptions of what they think will be an inevitable avalanche of consequences to feelings developing.

OTOH, people do get hurt when only one half of the FWB falls for the other. I think that's a valid reason to be cautious about getting involved; who wants to feel (partially) responsible for breaking someone's heart? Projecting all that other stuff onto someone isn't particularly reality-based, though, IMO. It's just more stereotyping.
Yes, that's true! For what it is worth, any person who is into casual sex for whatever reason, who says that other people are WRONG for wanting committed monogamous relationships, is gonna get just as much of an earful from me, as the reverse. That, truly, is where I draw the line. Anyone can do whatever they are gonna do for whatever reasons matter to them. Telling other people though, "You are never really happy" or getting that smug, "the way I live is the right way and other people doing other things, well they'll get their come-uppance" or whatever...it's the judgment that I push back on.

The person who is making the choices for the reasons they believe are legit...maybe they are right and maybe they are wrong. And I also never implied that feelings of heartbreak are not a feature of this. They are. This is why I've mentioned the need for a certain emotional resilience. But to some extent, we've all got to take responsibility for ourselves, and that means that, like the OP, if you KNOW that the feeling of heartbreak tears you up, and you feel like it's a likely hazard of casual sex, and the person you met says that they are only willing to do a casual thing...would you keep seeing them? No. Which is what I've been trying to say to ThisTown123 and I don't feel it's getting through. It's all voluntary, if people are simply being honest.

So some people get bored with partners and don't want to settle in for the long haul? So what? If they TELL people that from the get-go, then the other person can make that choice, to get involved with that or not. No need to judge. You can just say, "Ah, I see. Well that doesn't really work for me. Good luck! Bye!"

But then, too, there are many situations where two people begin to see one another and both are relationship minded, and one falls head over heels for the other...and the other just doesn't really feel it. That heartbreak hurts just as much. So even the INTENT of dating for the purpose of a relationship isn't insulation against the risk of emotional pain. Of course it's not. So regardless...cultivating some resilience can really help anybody navigate the quest for love and sex.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scooby Snacks View Post
A little off topic but worthy of note: Bipolar people and people with other mental disorders often have an unusually high sex drive. I'm a woman who has done more than my share of casual encounters without getting emotionally attached even as I have grown older (with my partner's knowledge/consent) because I prefer it over other forms of "high" such as drinking, drugs, etc. . . Probably makes me sound bad, but it's the truth, and this common behavioral pattern has been borne out in multiple scientific studies. So that's another factor to consider; women with mental illness may be more accepting with FWB when those without would not be OK. And the same holds true for men.
I'm glad you said this. The friend I keep talking about, among other things, she has bipolar disorder. Every time she casts aside a guy who started trying to push for commitment from her, I actually think, even though I adore her, that the dude is probably dodging a bullet and he doesn't even know. She's like a one-woman action film. Looks like a good time, but...you might die...so... ? I like being her friend and watching the explosions and cars flying through the air, from like...over here...where it's safe...

Quote:
Originally Posted by ocnjgirl View Post
If the same chemical was released in men, they would get attached through sex even with a casual person they just met. They don't, spoken as that casual person at times where I was attached and the guy never calls again and a lifetime of living around other girls and then women who have all experienced that. I've felt blinded after sex even to men I didn't really even like on the other hand. Men in general are much more capable of having sex and never looking back than women are, it's just fact. All you have to do is read mens forums and womens forums to see how different we are in this area.
Ah, but just because men DO leave women after sex, does that truly mean that they are so very emotionally detached? I've known guys who actually were catching feelings and they left BECAUSE of that reason, without telling the woman. Because as much as they enjoyed her, either they knew or believed that they could not offer a relationship, or else they thought she was a poor life choice for a relationship. Some guys self-sabotage. They see the beginnings of a good thing, and they're so sure it will end in failure, that they grab the wheel and steer the car into a ditch and then run away, metaphorically speaking.

I've known some men who believe, deep down, that they are not worthy of love or a relationship. The moment a woman expresses love for them, they instantly lose respect for her, as surely she must be stupid or want something, because can't she SEE that he is this unworthy thing?

I think that there is a lot of unexamined psychology going on.

And yet despite knowing plenty of guys who were able to walk away from sex with no attachment...I've been able to do the same thing. Granted, I don't get attached (if such is possible with that person) usually until after sex has occurred. But then, either it's there or it's not. Within a few days I can answer the question of whether I ever want THAT to happen again, and it's not always a yes. Hell, there have been instances where I was totally into a guy, and then we had sex, and that pretty much ruined it.

And again...probably twice as many of my male partners have declared themselves in love and wanted to keep me, after sex, when I wanted them gone...as compared to the number of men I've attached to after sex that way. And once, ONLY ONCE, have both me and my male partner become equally and strongly emotionally attached to each other, in a reciprocal way. And I'm still with him, and we still feel very much in love.
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