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Old 08-08-2019, 02:18 PM
 
Location: Continental Europe
703 posts, read 129,341 times
Reputation: 1122

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Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123 View Post
You're picker is off, best thing to just take care of that first.
Right. And I think the best way to take care of it is to not to jump into bed with someone at the first sign of chemistry but instead take the time to find out who they really are.
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Old 08-08-2019, 02:20 PM
 
12,819 posts, read 10,065,150 times
Reputation: 16427
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carly1983 View Post
Right. And I think the best way to take care of it is to not to jump into bed with someone at the first sign of chemistry but instead take the time to find out who they really are.
This is a good plan regardless of what kind of relationship you want, whether it is casual or more serious. Go, sister.
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Old 08-08-2019, 02:24 PM
 
2,147 posts, read 590,430 times
Reputation: 1408
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carly1983 View Post
Right. And I think the best way to take care of it is to not to jump into bed with someone at the first sign of chemistry but instead take the time to find out who they really are.
Yep!
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Old 08-08-2019, 02:27 PM
 
Location: Santa Monica, Ca
7,043 posts, read 3,927,062 times
Reputation: 16885
Good idea to stop having casual sex until you mature a bit more. You made the choice to to have sex so .. itís on you. If you werenít comfortable having casual sex.... why did you? ( hoping your vag was going to cast a spell?) As far as what youíve written he hadnít Promised you anything in return nor his undying devotion. Sounds like you were hoping for more, and when it didnít pan out.. you got all butt hurt.
I get it... people make mistakes, but mistakes should be a learning experience rather than a life sentence.
You need to get over yourself and move on. Youíre no worse for wear because if it. Next time be a little more
Circumspect before hoping into bed with someone.
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Old 08-08-2019, 02:28 PM
 
Location: Colorado
12,135 posts, read 7,448,174 times
Reputation: 21803
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123 View Post
You never thought to ask what his problem was?
OF COURSE I DID.

I just never got any answers, or any that made sense.

One time when I asked him, "So you said that we could get together last week, but once again it seems it hasn't worked out, mind if I ask what is up with that?" he responded that he had some personal goals and he felt if he did not put enough effort into achieving the things that he wanted to get done in life, he did not feel that he deserved the reward of having sex at that point in time.

Seriously?

I'm your gold star sticker on your task chart, guy?

lol??

He was really weird. That was probably one of the more relatively...almost normal things...he ever said to me. But the weird was part of the fun, honestly, while it lasted. *shrug*

Thing is, he was never meant to be any sort of actual relationship material, and he was risky even as casual partners went. I never knew if he had any other partners, I knew he wasn't married only because I was a shameless internet snoop. I have the feeling he probably had a number of other women he contacted for no-strings sex from time to time, but I really have no clue.

He was expert...as in, had an incredibly smooth skill...at turning any conversation away from inquiries about himself, giving almost nothing away, and getting a woman to talk and talk about herself the whole time. He would contribute, he wasn't just sitting there mute, but he dodged questions and kept the focus on the other person mostly. Once in a blue moon he'd talk about himself, and it was really rare and magical when it happened. He was also really good at keeping me off-balance and not knowing what to expect. He said he loved me, then he said he didn't, then he joked that he fantasized about doing me harm, then he got upset when I told him I loved him, then he said I was sweet and generous and he really enjoyed our time together. He had a worm farm in his basement and a mannequin named "Shae" in his living room. He said he was in love with Shae, but I was soft and warm while Shae...was made of wood.

He. Was. Weird.

Fun. But weird.

So I really do not think that I was ever going to make any sense of him, and eventually I realized that the amount of mental energy I was putting into it, was ridiculous and a waste of time. I sure was determined to try and keep him around there for a minute, though. Bribing the man with a $60 steak. Jesus. LOL. "The feels" can sure make us do some silly things.
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Old 08-08-2019, 02:32 PM
 
Location: Continental Europe
703 posts, read 129,341 times
Reputation: 1122
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sydney123 View Post
Good idea to stop having casual sex until you mature a bit more. You made the choice to to have sex so .. it’s on you. If you weren’t comfortable having casual sex.... why did you? ( hoping your vag was going to cast a spell?) As far as what you’ve written he hadn’t Promised you anything in return nor his undying devotion. Sounds like you were hoping for more, and when it didn’t pan out.. you got all butt hurt.
I get it... people make mistakes, but mistakes should be a learning experience rather than a life sentence.
You need to get over yourself and move on. You’re no worse for wear because if it. Next time be a little more
Circumspect before hoping into bed with someone.
Lol. OK. Apologies for my "lack of maturity" and inability to "get over myself".

This man never promised me anything, I knew it was short lived. Nor had I asked for undying devotion from him. But I do expect respect in all my interactions. If he had said goodbye nicely or at least sent a goodbye text, I would not have been "butthurt" as you put it (not too much to ask from someone you've been seeing several weeks, I imagine.)

There's always got to be one, hasn't there? Thanks for your sage advice(?)
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Old 08-08-2019, 02:41 PM
 
12,819 posts, read 10,065,150 times
Reputation: 16427
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sydney123 View Post
Good idea to stop having casual sex until you mature a bit more. You made the choice to to have sex so .. itís on you. If you werenít comfortable having casual sex.... why did you? ( hoping your vag was going to cast a spell?) As far as what youíve written he hadnít Promised you anything in return nor his undying devotion. Sounds like you were hoping for more, and when it didnít pan out.. you got all butt hurt.
I get it... people make mistakes, but mistakes should be a learning experience rather than a life sentence.
You need to get over yourself and move on. Youíre no worse for wear because if it. Next time be a little more
Circumspect before hoping into bed with someone.
I wonder, after all the learning she is exploring here in this thread, why you chose to castigate her?
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Old 08-08-2019, 02:57 PM
 
Location: (six-cent-dix-sept)
4,639 posts, read 2,372,061 times
Reputation: 2883
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carly1983 View Post
Lol. OK. Apologies for my "lack of maturity" and inability to "get over myself".

This man never promised me anything, I knew it was short lived. Nor had I asked for undying devotion from him. But I do expect respect in all my interactions. If he had said goodbye nicely or at least sent a goodbye text, I would not have been "butthurt" as you put it (not too much to ask from someone you've been seeing several weeks, I imagine.)

There's always got to be one, hasn't there? Thanks for your sage advice(?)
i still dont get what this thread has to do with women; or, casual sex; or, oxytocin; ... ?

some d-bag treated you rudely then ignored you. i would be upset too.
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Old 08-08-2019, 03:02 PM
 
12,819 posts, read 10,065,150 times
Reputation: 16427
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carly1983 View Post
Lol. OK. Apologies for my "lack of maturity" and inability to "get over myself".

This man never promised me anything, I knew it was short lived. Nor had I asked for undying devotion from him. But I do expect respect in all my interactions. If he had said goodbye nicely or at least sent a goodbye text, I would not have been "butthurt" as you put it (not too much to ask from someone you've been seeing several weeks, I imagine.)

There's always got to be one, hasn't there? Thanks for your sage advice(?)
Personally I think that post was out of line.
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Old 08-08-2019, 03:03 PM
 
652 posts, read 340,114 times
Reputation: 475
OP did you say you met him on OKC?

I agree, this guy was a d-bag. It doesnt reflect on you. Its him. He probably does this all the time.

Theres some saying about fishing in a toxic pond or something, youll catch poison fish?

You asked awhile back where to meet people.

Maybe this is where we can steer the thread now. Giving helpful suggestions to OP rather than castigating her. Really now.
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