U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
Old 08-10-2019, 07:52 AM
 
656 posts, read 340,825 times
Reputation: 476

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by PardonTheInterruption View Post
I think you are overgeneralizing and I think the above is sexist. If any guy on this board were to make similar statements like yours, he'd get called out by atleast 6 or 7 posters (you'd probably be one), so it's not ok for you to do it either.

I can only speak for myself; I work, I come home and cook (more than half of the time), I do the yard work every 2weeks, we divide tasks around the house and we BOTH are active in raising our child. A LOT of guys do this! (I'm not a rare breed).. just like every woman/wife is NOT perfect neither is evey guy. That statement was such a negative, provactive, generalizing one that you actually sound like a MGTOW. I wonder if I'll be the one to get slammed for taking exception to your unfair remark
No worries. I know what I said was a generalization. Its just been my experience with the guys Ive dated. For whatever reason. You can slam me and I am glad to hear there are guys like you out there.

I am probably just impossible to please. Id likely find something wrong with everybody, which is why I figured out long ago marriage is just not for me. I live alone and so can only blame myself if things go wrong in my life or I am unhappy. (Though currently everything is pretty good.)
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 08-10-2019, 08:05 AM
 
7,750 posts, read 3,042,560 times
Reputation: 12758
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carly1983 View Post
Sydney have you read the entire thread? I've said the same thing, over and over, about myself in this thread, that it is insane to know one gets attached through casual sex, and to do it anyway, expecting to be able to manage my emotions around that. I've found it's not possible for me, in those sorts of arrangements.

I'm not sure why you're giving me this feedback when this is an insight I already had way back and have mentioned it repeatedly....

This thread is about why, how to change it, and how one can get the respect one wants in these sorts of relationships (and whether it's even possible.)...

If you don't like the thread or think it's pointless, no need to comment.
I don't think that poster was saying the thread is pointless, and doesn't like it (or you). She may be more blunt in her delivery, but there seems to be an ongoing theme of your recognizing how you hurt yourself in a sense, but think the problem is still how he ended it. You don't get to pick the 'ending' if you're picturing yourself as open to casual sex. It's much less painful and even realistic, when you can say: Well too bad for him, he missed out, it wasn't something I did.

I.e: "Why, and how to change it."

Quote:
Originally Posted by Carly1983 View Post
How can you be opening up to someone physically in that way and it not be intimate? That just does not compute.
It is intimate. The people describing not getting hurt, are not saying there is no intimacy in the situation. There is intimacy, but without expectations.

Last edited by RbccL; 08-10-2019 at 08:20 AM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-10-2019, 08:18 AM
 
7,750 posts, read 3,042,560 times
Reputation: 12758
Quote:
Originally Posted by PardonTheInterruption View Post
I think you are overgeneralizing and I think the above is sexist. If any guy on this board were to make similar statements like yours, he'd get called out by atleast 6 or 7 posters (you'd probably be one), so it's not ok for you to do it either.

I can only speak for myself; I work, I come home and cook (more than half of the time), I do the yard work every 2weeks, we divide tasks around the house and we BOTH are active in raising our child. A LOT of guys do this! (I'm not a rare breed).. just like every woman/wife is NOT perfect neither is evey guy. That statement was such a negative, provocative, overgeneralizing one that you actually sound like a MGTOW. I wonder if I'll be the one to get slammed for taking exception to your unfair remark
No, I don't think your remark is unfair, people both male and female make comments that are sexist and then instead of introspect or agreeing (like moongirl who openly admits it) they get defensive and shut down. Well sexist is not always negative, if it's not inaccurate. I'll be the one making the pie! I'll be the one shopping for too many shoes, I'll be the one talking to my cats! I don't even mind use of the word 'girl' I do use it, but see men get scolded for it so I try not to...and yes I'm a woman.

I think a lot of this thread is to get genuine opinion and contributions from those who have been pigeon holed into thinking they're dirty or less than, for wanting what men have enjoyed. Detracting from their points by insinuating that they aren't being true to themselves, or are wrong because 'biology' or 'society' is my knee jerk reaction to rebuke.

Don't waste time looking for examples of where women are sexist too, it's a given for most to see that.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-10-2019, 08:19 AM
 
656 posts, read 340,825 times
Reputation: 476
Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL View Post
I don't think that poster was saying the thread is pointless, and doesn't like it (or you). She may be more blunt in her delivery, but there seems to be an ongoing theme of your recognizing how you hurt yourself in a sense, but think the problem is still how he ended it. You don't get to pick the 'ending' if you're picturing yourself as open to casual sex. It's much less painful and even realistic, when you can say: Well too bad for you, you missed out, it wasn't something I did.

I.e: "Why, and how to change it."


It is intimate. The people describing not getting hurt, are not saying there is no intimacy in the situation. There is intimacy, but without expectations.
That last paragraph is a great point. Another generalization maybe but many women seem to have a belief (perhaps subconscious) that once she has sex with a guy she is owed something from him. It probably is rooted in this idea (or cultural teaching) that having sex is a commodity exchange.

"I gave him some milk now he has to pay up." In a sense.

Though I do think the guy was rude and disrespectful and if I were treated that way Id be hurt too. Id want him to be "nice" after I had sex with him, assuming the sex was all my own choice with no coercion or force.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-10-2019, 08:24 AM
 
Location: Continental Europe
722 posts, read 133,994 times
Reputation: 1130
Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00 View Post
That last paragraph is a great point. Another generalization maybe but many women seem to have a belief (perhaps subconscious) that once she has sex with a guy she is owed something from him. It probably is rooted in this idea (or cultural teaching) that having sex is a commodity exchange.

"I gave him some milk now he has to pay up." In a sense.

Though I do think the guy was rude and disrespectful and if I were treated that way Id be hurt too. Id want him to be "nice" after I had sex with him, assuming the sex was all my own choice with no coercion or force.
The only thing I felt owed was civility & not to be treated disrespectfully
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-10-2019, 08:26 AM
 
Location: Continental Europe
722 posts, read 133,994 times
Reputation: 1130
Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL View Post


It is intimate. The people describing not getting hurt, are not saying there is no intimacy in the situation. There is intimacy, but without expectations.
If I'm intimate with someone, I want respect.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-10-2019, 08:30 AM
 
7,750 posts, read 3,042,560 times
Reputation: 12758
Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00 View Post
That last paragraph is a great point. Another generalization maybe but many women seem to have a belief (perhaps subconscious) that once she has sex with a guy she is owed something from him. It probably is rooted in this idea (or cultural teaching) that having sex is a commodity exchange.

"I gave him some milk now he has to pay up." In a sense.

Though I do think the guy was rude and disrespectful and if I were treated that way Id be hurt too. Id want him to be "nice" after I had sex with him, assuming the sex was all my own choice with no coercion or force.
That's how we're all different. Women different from other women. I would not remember that happening. Maybe it even has, who knows! I've been more disappointed when someone did show up, but wouldn't leave when I gave many hints, like he was supposed to spend the night. Not what I wanted. There are probably more men who can relate to that then women.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-10-2019, 08:33 AM
 
7,750 posts, read 3,042,560 times
Reputation: 12758
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carly1983 View Post
If I'm intimate with someone, I want respect.
Well he may have known you were attached and didn't want to contribute to the sorrowful good bye anymore than he already had, maybe that was his version of respect.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-10-2019, 08:36 AM
 
656 posts, read 340,825 times
Reputation: 476
Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL View Post
That's how we're all different. Women different from other women. I would not remember that happening. Maybe it even has, who knows! I've been more disappointed when someone did show up, but wouldn't leave when I gave many hints, like he was supposed to spend the night. Not what I wanted. There are probably more men who can relate to that then women.
I see what you mean. People do break plans at last minute but the only times it really bothers me is when I was really really excited about the plans. Otherwise its meh, Ill just do this instead.

I had guys who refused to leave as well. That is annoying. It goes from dropping subtle hints to practically needing to forecefully push bim out.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-10-2019, 08:37 AM
 
Location: Continental Europe
722 posts, read 133,994 times
Reputation: 1130
Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL View Post
Well he may have known you were attached and didn't want to contribute to the sorrowful good bye anymore that he already had, maybe that was his version of respect.
I dunno! Who knows what was going on there.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top