U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
Old 08-10-2019, 09:14 AM
 
Location: (six-cent-dix-sept)
4,639 posts, read 2,369,070 times
Reputation: 2878

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by Carly1983 View Post
The only thing I felt owed was civility & not to be treated disrespectfully
big up. i dont know you; but, i dont think casual sex is the problem. you seem to be attracted to bad boys (this is starting to turn into an episode of girls).
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 08-10-2019, 09:20 AM
 
Location: Continental Europe
695 posts, read 116,586 times
Reputation: 1099
Quote:
Originally Posted by stanley-88888888 View Post
big up. i dont know you; but, i dont think casual sex is the problem. you seem to be attracted to bad boys (this is starting to turn into an episode of girls).
Not sure about that. I've dated some lovely men, too.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-10-2019, 09:26 AM
 
Location: (six-cent-dix-sept)
4,639 posts, read 2,369,070 times
Reputation: 2878
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carly1983 View Post
Not sure about that. I've dated some lovely men, too.
did those lovely men disrespect you ?
was the casual sex emotionally painful when it ended ?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-10-2019, 09:40 AM
 
Location: Continental Europe
695 posts, read 116,586 times
Reputation: 1099
Quote:
Originally Posted by stanley-88888888 View Post
did those lovely men disrespect you ?
was the casual sex emotionally painful when it ended ?
I've had a few flings with nice men. No they didn't disrespect me. We said goodbye in a nice way. They were things I had while travelling for work so they had their expiry date. Yes, it was painful when they ended but that is tempered by having fond feelings for those people and the time we shared together.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-10-2019, 10:21 AM
 
652 posts, read 336,661 times
Reputation: 475
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carly1983 View Post
I've had a few flings with nice men. No they didn't disrespect me. We said goodbye in a nice way. They were things I had while travelling for work so they had their expiry date. Yes, it was painful when they ended but that is tempered by having fond feelings for those people and the time we shared together.
Would you say the pain around the dinner text guy was more around the fact he flaked on the plans (showing disrespect/rudeness) rather than the fact the casual sex relationship was ending?

This may seem like an obvious question/answer but it just struck me as a possibility that its not the casual sex per se that was the issue, but more the way the guy handled it, and treated you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-10-2019, 10:32 AM
 
Location: Continental Europe
695 posts, read 116,586 times
Reputation: 1099
Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00 View Post
Would you say the pain around the dinner text guy was more around the fact he flaked on the plans (showing disrespect/rudeness) rather than the fact the casual sex relationship was ending?

This may seem like an obvious question/answer but it just struck me as a possibility that its not the casual sex per se that was the issue, but more the way the guy handled it, and treated you.
Yes, it was the disrespect and the coldness that hurt. Being stood up... I experienced it as rejection. I knew that cooking for him on a final casual date was over the top, seeing as he'd never done anything that constituted making such an effort for me, and I felt like such an idiot to be treated so coldly when I'd gone out and bought some nice steaks and he was gluten free I found some GF cheesecake for him. Over the top really for a casual fling. (I ate the whole lot myself in one sitting. Lol.)

If he had come over, and let me know that he had fun, he liked me, or simply acknowledged nice time we spent together in some way and treated me with respect I wouldn't have been hurt. I'd have been sad that it was over, but I wouldn't have been crying about it and spending a few weeks wondering why he never even said goodbye and whether it was my fault or if I did something to upset him that I didn't realise.

That's why I decided, if I'm going to have sex with someone, there needs to be an emotional connection of some sort or at least a friendship, and mutual respect & good communication.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-10-2019, 10:37 AM
 
Location: Continental Europe
695 posts, read 116,586 times
Reputation: 1099
I'm just not good at shallow encounters. I get fond of people.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-10-2019, 10:41 AM
 
21,037 posts, read 16,859,002 times
Reputation: 39392
Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00 View Post
If I had a husband it would be nice if he did things like the yardwork, fiing taxes, and helped pay the bills etc. And he was a nice guy. Not to be sexist but yardwork and taxes are just my least favorite things to do. But our personalities would also need to mesh very well.

Ive been trapped in bad relationships before so I am just very wary of being trapped again. Just my experience.
I have been too, but again it's about the person you choose as a partner, not commitment itself. I lived with a jealous and controlling guy in my 20's, I had to show him the time stamp on the receipt when I came home from food shopping to prove I didn't go anywhere else. But I chose that broken guy because I myself was broken then. My current guy treats me like gold, and most importantly allows me to be me, flaws and all. I tried to be what I thought the guy I wanted at the time wanted me to be for too many years.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-10-2019, 10:44 AM
 
21,037 posts, read 16,859,002 times
Reputation: 39392
Quote:
Originally Posted by stanley-88888888 View Post
big up. i dont know you; but, i dont think casual sex is the problem. you seem to be attracted to bad boys (this is starting to turn into an episode of girls).
The problem with casual sex is you don't really know who the person is at all...and many men are very good at presenting themselves as something they are not just to get to the sex. By the time we find out who they are, it's too late because we are hooked. For people like that, who are attracted to toxic people, the only way to choose better people is to stop hooking up and get to know the person first.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-10-2019, 10:46 AM
 
652 posts, read 336,661 times
Reputation: 475
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carly1983 View Post
Yes, it was the disrespect and the coldness that hurt. Being stood up... I experienced it as rejection. I knew that cooking for him on a final casual date was over the top, seeing as he'd never done anything that constituted making such an effort for me, and I felt like such an idiot to be treated so coldly when I'd gone out and bought some nice steaks and he was gluten free I found some GF cheesecake for him. Over the top really for a casual fling. (I ate the whole lot myself in one sitting. Lol.)

If he had come over, and let me know that he had fun, he liked me, or simply acknowledged nice time we spent together in some way and treated me with respect I wouldn't have been hurt. I'd have been sad that it was over, but I wouldn't have been crying about it and spending a few weeks wondering why he never even said goodbye and whether it was my fault or if I did something to upset him that I didn't realise.

That's why I decided, if I'm going to have sex with someone, there needs to be an emotional connection of some sort or at least a friendship, and mutual respect & good communication.
That makes sense. The way you describe it, you had some sentimental feelings over the relationship. If you didnt, the idea of going out of your way to cook a special meal would not have occurred to you. You might have said "Sure come over, or not. Bring some takeout if you do."

Did he know you planned the special meal? If he knew its possible it sounded very intimate to him. A home cooked meal etc. Too date like or girlfriendish? I dont know the nature of your previous hookups, if they involved romantic settings?

If not, the sudden shift to more romance, I can see how that could spook someone if thats not what they are after. It can create a sense of pressure too, like he might feel awkward or uncertain what is expected of him, or how he is expected to behave?

So maybe it wasnt so much disrespect as much as his avoidance of intimacy and a sudden realization on his part that you had begun to care for him as more than a casual sex partner?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top