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The only thing I felt owed was civility & not to be treated disrespectfully
big up. i dont know you; but, i dont think casual sex is the problem. you seem to be attracted to bad boys (this is starting to turn into an episode of girls).
big up. i dont know you; but, i dont think casual sex is the problem. you seem to be attracted to bad boys (this is starting to turn into an episode of girls).
Not sure about that. I've dated some lovely men, too.
did those lovely men disrespect you ?
was the casual sex emotionally painful when it ended ?
I've had a few flings with nice men. No they didn't disrespect me. We said goodbye in a nice way. They were things I had while travelling for work so they had their expiry date. Yes, it was painful when they ended but that is tempered by having fond feelings for those people and the time we shared together.
I've had a few flings with nice men. No they didn't disrespect me. We said goodbye in a nice way. They were things I had while travelling for work so they had their expiry date. Yes, it was painful when they ended but that is tempered by having fond feelings for those people and the time we shared together.
Would you say the pain around the dinner text guy was more around the fact he flaked on the plans (showing disrespect/rudeness) rather than the fact the casual sex relationship was ending?
This may seem like an obvious question/answer but it just struck me as a possibility that its not the casual sex per se that was the issue, but more the way the guy handled it, and treated you.
Would you say the pain around the dinner text guy was more around the fact he flaked on the plans (showing disrespect/rudeness) rather than the fact the casual sex relationship was ending?
This may seem like an obvious question/answer but it just struck me as a possibility that its not the casual sex per se that was the issue, but more the way the guy handled it, and treated you.
Yes, it was the disrespect and the coldness that hurt. Being stood up... I experienced it as rejection. I knew that cooking for him on a final casual date was over the top, seeing as he'd never done anything that constituted making such an effort for me, and I felt like such an idiot to be treated so coldly when I'd gone out and bought some nice steaks and he was gluten free I found some GF cheesecake for him. Over the top really for a casual fling. (I ate the whole lot myself in one sitting. Lol.)
If he had come over, and let me know that he had fun, he liked me, or simply acknowledged nice time we spent together in some way and treated me with respect I wouldn't have been hurt. I'd have been sad that it was over, but I wouldn't have been crying about it and spending a few weeks wondering why he never even said goodbye and whether it was my fault or if I did something to upset him that I didn't realise.
That's why I decided, if I'm going to have sex with someone, there needs to be an emotional connection of some sort or at least a friendship, and mutual respect & good communication.
If I had a husband it would be nice if he did things like the yardwork, fiing taxes, and helped pay the bills etc. And he was a nice guy. Not to be sexist but yardwork and taxes are just my least favorite things to do. But our personalities would also need to mesh very well.
Ive been trapped in bad relationships before so I am just very wary of being trapped again. Just my experience.
I have been too, but again it's about the person you choose as a partner, not commitment itself. I lived with a jealous and controlling guy in my 20's, I had to show him the time stamp on the receipt when I came home from food shopping to prove I didn't go anywhere else. But I chose that broken guy because I myself was broken then. My current guy treats me like gold, and most importantly allows me to be me, flaws and all. I tried to be what I thought the guy I wanted at the time wanted me to be for too many years.
big up. i dont know you; but, i dont think casual sex is the problem. you seem to be attracted to bad boys (this is starting to turn into an episode of girls).
The problem with casual sex is you don't really know who the person is at all...and many men are very good at presenting themselves as something they are not just to get to the sex. By the time we find out who they are, it's too late because we are hooked. For people like that, who are attracted to toxic people, the only way to choose better people is to stop hooking up and get to know the person first.
Yes, it was the disrespect and the coldness that hurt. Being stood up... I experienced it as rejection. I knew that cooking for him on a final casual date was over the top, seeing as he'd never done anything that constituted making such an effort for me, and I felt like such an idiot to be treated so coldly when I'd gone out and bought some nice steaks and he was gluten free I found some GF cheesecake for him. Over the top really for a casual fling. (I ate the whole lot myself in one sitting. Lol.)
If he had come over, and let me know that he had fun, he liked me, or simply acknowledged nice time we spent together in some way and treated me with respect I wouldn't have been hurt. I'd have been sad that it was over, but I wouldn't have been crying about it and spending a few weeks wondering why he never even said goodbye and whether it was my fault or if I did something to upset him that I didn't realise.
That's why I decided, if I'm going to have sex with someone, there needs to be an emotional connection of some sort or at least a friendship, and mutual respect & good communication.
That makes sense. The way you describe it, you had some sentimental feelings over the relationship. If you didnt, the idea of going out of your way to cook a special meal would not have occurred to you. You might have said "Sure come over, or not. Bring some takeout if you do."
Did he know you planned the special meal? If he knew its possible it sounded very intimate to him. A home cooked meal etc. Too date like or girlfriendish? I dont know the nature of your previous hookups, if they involved romantic settings?
If not, the sudden shift to more romance, I can see how that could spook someone if thats not what they are after. It can create a sense of pressure too, like he might feel awkward or uncertain what is expected of him, or how he is expected to behave?
So maybe it wasnt so much disrespect as much as his avoidance of intimacy and a sudden realization on his part that you had begun to care for him as more than a casual sex partner?
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