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I have to say this is one of the minus points for me, for polyamory and I'd have to give it more thought as to whether it would be acceptable to me. If you're in an exclusive, monogamous relationship you are less likely to catch something. If you're sleeping with someone who's also sleeping with someone else, who's sleeping with someone else, you have less control over the infections that could come your way, if one person involved is being less than honest or aware.
I have to say this is one of the minus points for me, for polyamory and I'd have to give it more thought as to whether it would be acceptable to me. If you're in an exclusive, monogamous relationship you are less likely to catch something. If you're sleeping with someone who's also sleeping with someone else, who's sleeping with someone else, you have less control over the infections that could come your way, if one person involved is being less than honest or aware.
A couple of observations that you can take or leave. Statistically speaking, ethically non-monogamous people have lower rates of STI transmission than monogamous. As counter intuitive as that is, generally, there is no need for funkiness around STI communication, testing... The concept of "fluid bonding" is taken very seriously and all partners are considered/consulted. That is not to say that ethically non-monogamous people are universally morally superior. Like any group, there are jerks and game players....
I, personally, don't see how the poly community people are going to change your dynamic much, frankly. It seems to me you will just be adding new variables to the equation that have nothing to do with your fundamental feeling that your bonding over sex is so strong.
A couple of observations that you can take or leave. Statistically speaking, ethically non-monogamous people have lower rates of STI transmission than monogamous. As counter intuitive as that is, generally, there is no need for funkiness around STI communication, testing... The concept of "fluid bonding" is taken very seriously and all partners are considered/consulted. That is not to say that ethically non-monogamous people are universally morally superior. Like any group, there are jerks and game players....
I, personally, don't see how the poly community people are going to change your dynamic much, frankly. It seems to me you will just be adding new variables to the equation that have nothing to do with your fundamental feeling that your bonding over sex is so strong.
I agree. It would not of been a solution to me. I would’ve just gotten attached to one of the people in that group. Some people are just not wired for casual sex, no matter how we wish we were.
LOL I had a former coworker who was in a poly relationship --- oh the drama. He was the guy and there were 2 women and the women were constantly jealous of his time with the other. They definitely didn't seem to feel "casual" about it.
Last edited by wasel; 08-11-2019 at 09:28 AM..
Reason: typo
It is interesting that you started this thread because this has been on my mind lately. I think we as a society (mainly we older generation women -- I'm in my 50s) have failed young women.
For some reason, young women are fine at demanding respect in the workplace etc -- but when it comes to relationships, I see too many younger women put up with disrespect from guys. This "hookup" culture, the "lets hang out" texts at 10 pm, and even the fact that it's become OK to use terms like "hit that" or "tap that" is accepted. All of it chips away at women being treated like they are valued. I mean, why call out certain guys as "misogynists" and then accept this kind of language from your own male friends, brothers, etc.
It seems that drawing lines in the sand is now considered to be "prudish" or "pearl clutching" or something -- when it's just about asking for respect and not being used sexually and then discarded. I mean is it prudish when women spell out what's not acceptable to them in the workplace? If not, then why aren't these expectations spelled out in dating?
I am astounded at the numerous conversations on these forums about the "three date rule" etc. I dated a lot in my single years and only 2 times was I ever pressured to have intercourse. In both cases I said I'm not ready. One of these guys I continued to date a while after that and he continued to grumble, but he didn't break up with me over it. (We broke up because he moved.) The second guy, I broke up with him the minute he balked about my saying "no." Both of these instances were pretty soon after we started dating (within 2 months of only seeing each other about 1x a week.) I dated many, many other men who were OK with my pace. Maybe they WANTED to sleep with me sooner, but they didn't hassle me or break up with me over it.
I have initiated sex on the first date BTW, and didn't necessarily regret it, but I would say the relationships were definitely not completely healthy ones, and resulted in a lot of heartbreak because I was bonded.
My message to women is that there is nothing prudish, closed minded or wrong with waiting until you are truly ready. For God's sake people go through great pains to not put some food or drug into their body but yet not treat their body "like a temple" in this way.
Excellent post! I've had men and women tell me I'm too old fashioned because I won't have sex with someone until I know them well. I'm not sharing my body with someone I don't trust or have strong feelings for. If that makes me old fashioned, fine.
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