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Old 08-07-2019, 04:40 AM
 
3,271 posts, read 1,636,939 times
Reputation: 3420

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Wow! Hopefully you are lucky and his ghosting is permanent and doesn't return to bother you.
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Old 08-07-2019, 04:50 AM
 
13,186 posts, read 10,156,199 times
Reputation: 16690
Consider this a bullet dodged. I can almost promise you that had you remained he would have controlled everything about you in pretty short order.
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Old 08-07-2019, 10:58 AM
 
7,124 posts, read 2,570,317 times
Reputation: 16319
Quote:
Originally Posted by optimisticStar View Post
This guy sent me an interest on dating/matrimony site. We both live in same state now, few hours apart.

It's been 6 weeks now since we started interacting over the phone. Initial 3 weeks he was nice. Would call me every other day and talk for few mins and then about 30 mins over the weekend. He said we should meet in person and he is ready to fly down and gave me a date. He kept making plans for 3 weeks, then suddenly after that got super busy with work. Calls reduced to either only on weekends or sometimes during the week he would call from work, but only for 1-3 mins. Stopped talking about meeting in person too since he is busy. He said he lost his father early this year.

So since last 3 weeks, whenever he called, he would get annoyed or angry for even smallest things e.g: me pronouncing a city name incorrectly or if I ask him why isn't he spending much time with me or how did he suddenly got so much of work and then will say that he is not interested in talking to me at the moment due to it but he will call me later. Twice I ignored it. 3rd time when I argued back, he said he is not only he is not interested in talking to me now, but doesn't want to talk ever again. Then immediately he changed and said he will call me later but doesn't want to talk now.

I wasn't sure what was going on i.e. if he is not interested or stressed due to work or down due to dad's loss. Wanted to ask, but he had completely shut me down. Then he called me once, talked for 3-4 mins as if nothing had happened and then again got angry since I was feeding my pets while talking (he was driving too) and said he will call later. I told him I am done feeding them and can talk, but he said he is not interested in talking to me now and will call me in a bit after he reaches home. I didn't like it but told him that I can talk if he is willing too or if he doesn't want to talk at all like he said few days back, it's fine with me. He said he will call me after going home and it's been a week and never called.

I am still not sure what happened and why he ghosted, but am not able to take my mind off of it. Wish I would have got some closure.

I wish you could've gotten closure too. It's nice to have closure. To be able to be the one to have the last word, etc. BUT part of being a grown up (and I'm NOT implying you're not a grownup) is realizing we're not guaranteed closure, or the last word, etc. Sometimes we just have to say "Well THAT was annoying" and move on. I DO wish you could've got closure though...it's so satisfying. lol
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Old 08-07-2019, 10:49 PM
 
Location: NNJ
9,796 posts, read 5,502,818 times
Reputation: 10741
Quote:
Originally Posted by optimisticStar View Post
I am still not sure what happened and why he ghosted, but am not able to take my mind off of it. Wish I would have got some closure.
In my life (in general) a lot of people have come and gone... not just faded.. but just gone... I absolutely enjoyed time with them and a few felt strong connections with.

I guess that's just the types that I tend to cross paths with in my life.

I try not to get upset but rather just in my mind wish them well.... irregardless of the circumstances surrounding.

I kinda take it similar to being generous or lending help to someone who fails to say "thank you". It is less of a reflection of you as a person and more as a reflection of themselves. The great times we had together is all the closure I seek.
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Old 08-08-2019, 12:12 PM
 
Location: Houston, TX
1,284 posts, read 1,080,611 times
Reputation: 4002
Quote:
Originally Posted by optimisticStar View Post
This guy sent me an interest on dating/matrimony site. We both live in same state now, few hours apart.

It's been 6 weeks now since we started interacting over the phone. Initial 3 weeks he was nice. Would call me every other day and talk for few mins and then about 30 mins over the weekend. He said we should meet in person and he is ready to fly down and gave me a date. He kept making plans for 3 weeks, then suddenly after that got super busy with work. Calls reduced to either only on weekends or sometimes during the week he would call from work, but only for 1-3 mins. Stopped talking about meeting in person too since he is busy. He said he lost his father early this year.

So since last 3 weeks, whenever he called, he would get annoyed or angry for even smallest things e.g: me pronouncing a city name incorrectly or if I ask him why isn't he spending much time with me or how did he suddenly got so much of work and then will say that he is not interested in talking to me at the moment due to it but he will call me later. Twice I ignored it. 3rd time when I argued back, he said he is not only he is not interested in talking to me now, but doesn't want to talk ever again. Then immediately he changed and said he will call me later but doesn't want to talk now.

I wasn't sure what was going on i.e. if he is not interested or stressed due to work or down due to dad's loss. Wanted to ask, but he had completely shut me down. Then he called me once, talked for 3-4 mins as if nothing had happened and then again got angry since I was feeding my pets while talking (he was driving too) and said he will call later. I told him I am done feeding them and can talk, but he said he is not interested in talking to me now and will call me in a bit after he reaches home. I didn't like it but told him that I can talk if he is willing too or if he doesn't want to talk at all like he said few days back, it's fine with me. He said he will call me after going home and it's been a week and never called.

I am still not sure what happened and why he ghosted, but am not able to take my mind off of it. Wish I would have got some closure.
See bolded above for "closure." He was gracious enough to expose his true colors early on, saving you loads of emotional time and energy that would have been wasted trying to adjust yourself to his level of crazy. I'd be thanking him!! (as i'm running in the opposite direction of course)
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Old 08-13-2019, 02:40 AM
 
26,389 posts, read 28,815,600 times
Reputation: 25330
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy View Post
I wish you could've gotten closure too. It's nice to have closure. To be able to be the one to have the last word, etc. BUT part of being a grown up (and I'm NOT implying you're not a grownup) is realizing we're not guaranteed closure, or the last word, etc. Sometimes we just have to say "Well THAT was annoying" and move on. I DO wish you could've got closure though...it's so satisfying. lol
Yeah, 'closure' in real life is the exception, not the rule. Real life is not like the way they show it in movies.
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Old 08-13-2019, 03:45 AM
 
179 posts, read 96,222 times
Reputation: 565
He's simply not worth your time to even think about at this point....move on!
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Old 08-13-2019, 03:23 PM
 
Location: Texas
10,234 posts, read 3,921,702 times
Reputation: 20707
You would be much better off without this man. He sounds like a real jerk.
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Old 08-13-2019, 09:51 PM
 
1,103 posts, read 692,135 times
Reputation: 3429
Narcissist, borderline personality disorder, passive aggressive? He could be any of those things based on his behavior so far. None of those types make a good partner. I speak from experience. Get out while you still can. Trust me.
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Old 08-25-2019, 10:15 PM
 
Location: USA
447 posts, read 1,072,411 times
Reputation: 227
Update: You all were right about this guy. I was about to dump him and before I could say anything, he made plans to come to my city to meet in person. I thought to give us a chance thinking he might be different in person. We spent almost entire weekend together, off which he was treating me like a queen on Friday evening and kissed me. While separating he indirectly asked if he can come at my place to cuddle and spend night together and I denied for it. He still met me Saturday and Sunday before flying back, but he was back to his regular tantrums on Saturday and Sunday morning. Treated me well again couple of hours before leaving the city, kissed me, invited me to his city to meet him next time, texted me for 2 more days after going back and then disappeared again completely. During his in-person tantrums, I had guessed this won't last longer or turn into a proper relationship.

He was shouting in the car most of the times. He was going to meet me at 10am on Saturday, but went to sleep in the hotel and didn't show up until 1:30pm. I just told him he could have texted me so I wouldn't have waited, that made him angry. I suggested to visit a temple here, he agreed and we reached he told me he doesn't worship that God, so got mad at me for selecting that temple. Then he had to book a hotel for one night somewhere, he told me name of hotel A, but later must have booked hotel B. I entered address of hotel A in GPS and when we reached there, he again shouted at me for not confirming it with him and then he skipped having Saturday's dinner with me. Am not sure if it was for this reason, but he said he needs some space.

My biggest regret is, this guy had ghosted me 7 years back and I still gave 2 chances thinking people grow with age. To my surprise, he didn't even remember us connecting 7 years back. But I thought of giving us a chance and had told him to let me know if he doesn't wish to continue with me this time around instead of ghosting. He told me he has matured in last few years and he will discuss things this time around, but still he ghosted again in the same way as he had done 7 years back. But I think, his in-person behavior was my closure this time.
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