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Old Today, 01:36 PM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,297 posts, read 298,144 times
Reputation: 1141

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Auraliea View Post
You asked for an opinion and I gave it. To me whether you're not working or working a job that makes significantly less, I view that as being "kept."

*shrugs*

We can agree to disagree.

You sure love the word "independence."
Ok.....if you see working a job that makes significantly less....as being "kept".....you are right it is your opinion. BUT...I wonder what males out there think........so you think that guys that make less than their wives or girlfriends....are being kept too?

 
Old Today, 01:38 PM
 
18,588 posts, read 20,442,820 times
Reputation: 27349
My wife and i have a 50/50 relationship. We share everything 50/50. Regardless who makes more. For instance when we were in our early stages of marriage she made more money and had the insurance coverage. As we baked our relationship and marriage I started making more money while she was making less. So the heavy lifting started to go on my shoulders. And now she’s retired and I technically make more than she does as my wages are 4x her retirement. But I don’t see it as I have a advantage over her or her over me.
Everything we have is intertwined financially. Neither of us feel they were at any time carrying the other. We support each other physically financially and mentally.
 
Old Today, 01:38 PM
 
7,520 posts, read 11,643,642 times
Reputation: 8374
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
I wouldn’t be in a relationship where I was contributing an unbalanced share of the money for expenses. It is on thing to be 51/49 in contributing by each party. I start to get suspicious if I notice I’m contributing 60% and the partner is contributing 40%. And yes I know how to calculate.
I would say 60/40 is something you might have to live with.

It's going to be rare to find a partner who makes the same as you, but ballpark is doable.

My GF makes around the same as me, and it works really well.

But something like 60/40 would be good enough whether I was the 60 or 40. If 2 people are within 50K of each other, I consider that same ballpark. Within 100K, a little less so, but still reasonable to not completely disrupt power balance.

Anything more starts to throw the balance off.
 
Old Today, 01:40 PM
 
Location: SoCal again
16,161 posts, read 12,966,072 times
Reputation: 31638
The way I know it and works is:
You rent a place together that both can afford paying half of. Don't buy anything if you are not married.

If one earns $50k and the other $100k, the higher earning volunteers usually to pay more when it comes to fun stuff like going out and weekend stuff.

If the higher earning one insists on a fancy expensive place, he/she needs to cough up the difference.

If I move into someone's already existing place, I have so far either paid no rent but utilities and food or the cost of renting a room (he earned twice what I earned). I prefer the monthly transfer of money for a room because then he "sees' the money. If I just pay when we buy food, it usually feels like a lot to me but he doesn't recognize it in the same way as if I give him the money.

When I was married, there was no his and hers, it was ours. Even though we discussed finances before marriage, it turned out to be a problem because he needed to empty the account every month and buy BS stuff. I hid money so we could buy a house.
 
Old Today, 01:40 PM
 
943 posts, read 200,030 times
Reputation: 1858
Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
So...I got the idea for this thread from a couple people in this forum that talk about money in a relationship...(live in or marriage)....& what's "fair". If two people make very different incomes...as long as they are happy.....what's the difference who contributes more...& ofc, wouldn't the person who has more contribute more? How could it be any other way.... practically? It's not entitlement....or cheating anyone...if it's not a line right down the middle of the sand.........

People don't change their lifestyle...sell their house...or quit their job to make it *even*.........& it's so crazy to think they would. It's a relationship!!!!! Life isn't like the start of a Monopoly game where we get the same amount of money or split the rent in our 20's evenly with our roommates....& it doesn't mean you are "being taken care of" if you are able to walk out independently at any time........from a bad relationship & that's the only really important stuff that matters IMO.....
I earn more than my wife but it evens out as she's better looking then I am so I look at the difference in income as my Ugly Tax.
 
Old Today, 01:44 PM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,297 posts, read 298,144 times
Reputation: 1141
Quote:
Originally Posted by jobaba View Post
I would say 60/40 is something you might have to live with.

It's going to be rare to find a partner who makes the same as you, but ballpark is doable.

My GF makes around the same as me, and it works really well.

But something like 60/40 would be good enough whether I was the 60 or 40. If 2 people are within 50K of each other, I consider that same ballpark. Within 100K, a little less so, but still reasonable to not completely disrupt power balance.

Anything more starts to throw the balance off.
Money should not be what balances your relationships tho, IMO........stuff like love....values...sex....being able to laugh & talk together.....it's not like you even know what a person makes when you first start dating.......
 
Old Today, 01:50 PM
 
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
4,538 posts, read 4,340,783 times
Reputation: 5330
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
I wouldn’t be in a relationship where I was contributing an unbalanced share of the money for expenses. It is on thing to be 51/49 in contributing by each party. I start to get suspicious if I notice I’m contributing 60% and the partner is contributing 40%. And yes I know how to calculate.
Totally agree. My now ex-gf is an entrepreneur, meaning her income is all over the place. She was broke most of the time we were dating and I got a little fed up. She wanted to get married, but money was one of our big issues. She wasn't transparent with me about what she made, nor what she could contribute and got all defensive when I said I thought it should be close to even. She thought that wasn't romantic or something. Well, no, life isn't like the movies. I got tired of feeling used.
 
Old Today, 01:51 PM
 
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
4,538 posts, read 4,340,783 times
Reputation: 5330
Quote:
Originally Posted by SoCal_Native View Post
I earn more than my wife but it evens out as she's better looking then I am so I look at the difference in income as my Ugly Tax.
Hahahahaha! Thats hilarious!
 
Old Today, 02:05 PM
 
7,520 posts, read 11,643,642 times
Reputation: 8374
Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
Money should not be what balances your relationships tho, IMO........stuff like love....values...sex....being able to laugh & talk together.....it's not like you even know what a person makes when you first start dating.......
All my conclusions are based off real life observations and couples.

Most people do not love their jobs, so the thought of slaving away for another person's luxuries is the real culprit, not $ itself per se.

But like I said, if the other person doesn't support you or bring you to another tier of style of living, it's fine.
 
Old Today, 02:07 PM
 
18 posts, read 1,251 times
Reputation: 49
With my ex husband, I made $50,000 and he made $150,000 plus bonuses. I insisted on keeping separate bank accounts and credit cards and we split household costs 60 him/40 me. Dinners or movies would alternate between us and travel was 50/50. In 10 years of marriage I asked him once if I could borrow 20 bucks for gas. I never wanted him to think I was in it for money. Despite all this, in the heat of an argument, he would bring up my "little job" and how I wouldn't be able to survive without him. Rich coming from the man who one day went out and bought a Porsche Boxter without mentioning it to me.

My views on money haven't changed. I make more now. My partner makes more than me but the difference between the two isn't as big. We split expenses 50/50. We maintain separate accounts and will continue to do so. I just feel it's easier that way.

OP, point being do what works best for you and your partner. Have open and honest discussions about money and expectations. As long as both of you are comfortable with the arrangement and you feel confident that you are not going to be "salary shamed" by him, then it's all good.
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