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If there is a huge discrepancy in money, then a pre-nup could be considered.
Some people are okay with that and some don't consider that love. .
If a prenup is fair, I think it's okay to ask someone to sign one if there is a significant difference in assets. I know someone who married a woman (mail order bride scenario) and he put the house in both their names. Marriage lasted a few years and when they divorced she got half the house that he bought. His financial situation isn't that great anymore. I don't know if a prenup would have protected him very much, though. I'm not a lawyer and don't know much about prenups.
I paid 3/4 of the bills in my marriage, but only made 20-25% more, depending on the year. I was taken advantage of and she left me with a house that was underwater financially. I won't let that happen again!
My daughter dated a guy who was very bitter. He was married a year when he discovered his wife had been having an affair. He had a high income job and she married him so he would pay her student loans off. So maybe financial exploitation is becoming more common with student loans and other indebtedness and along with it the need to protect oneself.
If a prenup is fair, I think it's okay to ask someone to sign one if there is a significant difference in assets. I know someone who married a woman (mail order bride scenario) and he put the house in both their names. Marriage lasted a few years and when they divorced she got half the house that he bought. His financial situation isn't that great anymore. I don't know if a prenup would have protected him very much, though. I'm not a lawyer and don't know much about prenups.
IF I was marrying someone primarily as a financial arrangement, I guess I'd be OK with a prenup...as long as we both know it's a financial union, and not so much a romantic union. Seems fair enough to me.
But IF this is supposedly a romantic relationship turning into a marriage, I would likely break up with the guy, if he asked for a prenup. Clearly there's no trust if I'm expected to OK the guy's exit strategy. LOL That's how I'D feel about it. LOL
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Originally Posted by Atlguy39
I'm amazed you know so many people who love their job. But I do see your point in that it can spill over, but it doesn't have to. You shouldn't eliminate someone for not liking their job. This is typical in America based on how companies treat their employees.
I would elminate them....because it rubs the wrong way.....if a man is unhappy with what he does in life, he is not gonna be too happy in anything else IMO...........
Nurses complain....it's not perfect ofc but most of us love it....& if we don't....we move to a different dept.!
There are many opportunities & we are paid super well....but we don't make the money some business professionals, surgeons, lawyers & VPs can make......& that is why it can't be "equal" in income........
My daughter dated a guy who was very bitter. He was married a year when he discovered his wife had been having an affair. He had a high income job and she married him so he would pay her student loans off. So maybe financial exploitation is becoming more common with student loans and other indebtedness and along with it the need to protect oneself.
I think financial exploitation is becoming more common with student loan debt these days. But it seems very few people ask questions about student loans or cc debt before getting married. They just assume if the person has a good job, they are financially okay. This is a bad assumption to make. They should also look at someone's spending patterns and lifestyle expectations. It's not good if they throw money around and spend lots of time buying stuff on amazon. But it can also be a red flag if they never spend money at all and can't seem to open their wallet for any reason.
I think financial exploitation is becoming more common with student loan debt these days. But it seems very few people ask questions about student loans or cc debt before getting married. They just assume if the person has a good job, they are financially okay. This is a bad assumption to make. They should also look at someone's spending patterns and lifestyle expectations. It's not good if they throw money around and spend lots of time buying stuff on amazon. But it can also be a red flag if they never spend money at all and can't seem to open their wallet for any reason.
Debt occurred before the couple was together does not count as being liable against the debt-free party.
If my partner had debt, I would help them with it, but I feel like 'you're gonna pay half because we're married' is not quite how it should work.
I think financial exploitation is becoming more common with student loan debt these days. But it seems very few people ask questions about student loans or cc debt before getting married. They just assume if the person has a good job, they are financially okay. This is a bad assumption to make. They should also look at someone's spending patterns and lifestyle expectations. It's not good if they throw money around and spend lots of time buying stuff on amazon. But it can also be a red flag if they never spend money at all and can't seem to open their wallet for any reason.
In this case he knew about the debt and they had dated for several years. She had the lower paying job (teacher) he the significantly the higher paid and when they married he paid a significant portion of her student loan debt. It was so cold and calculating that she was having an affair the entire time of the one year marriage and it would have continued had he not discovered her spare cell phone.
I can certainly understand that attitude for people who are newly in a relationship, and don't want to be taken advantage of.
But when I read threads like this, I do wonder - how does that actually work, long term?
If one makes a great deal more than the other, he/she would have to take any luxury vacation alone because the one can't afford to pay. The one who has money would end up at Cheddars of McDonalds when he would much rather be eating in an elegant place, but he'd have to do that alone.
Generosity in a partner (whether it's with their money, their time, their spirit, their willingness to give long back rubs) is what keeps happy couples happy.
We don’t have a who pays more or who contributes more. It’s simply money it’s there. What we do is talk about what we’re going to buy/spend.
In this case he knew about the debt and they had dated for several years. She had the lower paying job (teacher) he the significantly the higher paid and when they married he paid a significant portion of her student loan debt. It was so cold and calculating that she was having an affair the entire time of the one year marriage and it would have continued had he not discovered her spare cell phone.
I wonder how much student loan debt she had? Teachers don't make tons of money. But even if he hadn't made payments on her debt, it still would have affected their joint finances in some ways. I would never marry someone who was paying child support or had massive student loans. I personally, dated mostly older men who were many years away from college and either didn't have kids or had adult children. I didn't want to marry someone else's financial baggage.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00
My father was a lawyer. Interestingly he was single for the 35 years he worked as a lawyer. He got married (to his 2nd wife. His first was my mother) the year he retired. He was married to his profession. Lawyering is soul sucking work.
If you want to be the girlfriend or wife of a lawyer it seems you have to be content coming second to his profession. If you just want to live rent free whilst he works to pay bills and you rarely see him, it is a good scenario then.
You have to judge every relationship for that relationship....not on how it was with your father or for lawyers....but by each person..& each individual relationship IMO.....
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