money.... & what's "fair" in a serious relationship...... (boyfriend, marrying)
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Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626
What happens if your partner/spouse develops cancer or is disabled or is ill and can't work? Would you kick them out because they aren't paying their fair share?
What if your partner/spouse loses their job? How many days or weeks would you "allow" them to be unemployed before you kick them out?
What if you become disabled/develop cancer/became seriously ill/lose your job/whatever how long before your partner/spouse should kick you out because you aren't paying your fair share of the expenses?
You make good points to the people that wouldn't tolerate it or think it has to be no more than 60/40............
When someone is disabled they collect SS/DI. Also, there are plenty of Sugar Baby / Sugar Daddy relationships in the world, each brings something "worth it" to the table. One of the two skates sometimes, or one of the 2 gets older and worries about being traded in for 2 20's.
What happens if your partner/spouse develops cancer or is disabled or is ill and can't work? Would you kick them out because they aren't paying their fair share?
What if your partner/spouse loses their job? How many days or weeks would you "allow" them to be unemployed before you kick them out?
What if you become disabled/develop cancer/became seriously ill/lose your job/whatever how long before your partner/spouse should kick you out because you aren't paying your fair share of the expenses?
That's a completely different situation.
My parents don't give me any $ for rent, food, or beer, but if I were sick I would expect them to let me stay there and give me rides to chemo ... and ... I DO have experience with cancer in my life.
That has nothing to do with thinking a certain distribution of income when both parties are able to earn will make for better compatibility.
Yes, if both partners are retirement age and 1 earns a lot more than the other and also there is a huge disparity of assets, do you take that chance to have the relationship even a really good one??? Isn't a matter of time before the 1 partner will likely be supporting the other (and more like medical bills, nursing home, etc.)?
I was thinking more along the lines of one person moving into the other person's house. Maybe it's more expensive than the other person would choose. Or there isn't enough storage. Or it's too much of a commute. So is 50/50 "fair" in these cases? I don't think so, and I can see how a couple might decide that "fair" is something other than 50/50.
... Despite all this, in the heat of an argument, he would bring up my "little job" and how I wouldn't be able to survive without him. Rich coming from the man who one day went out and bought a Porsche Boxter without mentioning it to me.
Yes, if both partners are retirement age and 1 earns a lot more than the other and also there is a huge disparity of assets, do you take that chance to have the relationship even a really good one??? Isn't a matter of time before the 1 partner will likely be supporting the other (and more like medical bills, nursing home, etc.)?
From what I understand in retirement communities, it called seeking a "nurse with a purse."
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,715,076 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626
What happens if your partner/spouse develops cancer or is disabled or is ill and can't work? Would you kick them out because they aren't paying their fair share?
What if your partner/spouse loses their job? How many days or weeks would you "allow" them to be unemployed before you kick them out?
What if you become disabled/develop cancer/became seriously ill/lose your job/whatever how long before your partner/spouse should kick you out because you aren't paying your fair share of the expenses?
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,569,175 times
Reputation: 7613
Quote:
Originally Posted by Northshoregirl2019
OP, point being do what works best for you and your partner. Have open and honest discussions about money and expectations. As long as both of you are comfortable with the arrangement and you feel confident that you are not going to be "salary shamed" by him, then it's all good.
Thank you....he has never "salary shamed" me....he respects what I do as an RN. I would not be with a man that would shame me about *anything*........
If there is a huge discrepancy in money, then a pre-nup could be considered.
Some people are okay with that and some don't consider that love.
Some might argue that a loving partner will be okay with a set up and spelling things out to be honest and upfront about standards that won't unreasonable take attempt to possibly take advantage of someone.
It unfortunately is a factor for most whether we want to admit it or not.
A pre-nup is not much good if there is no nup. Not all serious relationships include marriage.
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