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Old Today, 12:59 PM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,297 posts, read 298,144 times
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So...I got the idea for this thread from a couple people in this forum that talk about money in a relationship...(live in or marriage)....& what's "fair". If two people make very different incomes...as long as they are happy.....what's the difference who contributes more...& ofc, wouldn't the person who has more contribute more? How could it be any other way.... practically? It's not entitlement....or cheating anyone...if it's not a line right down the middle of the sand.........

People don't change their lifestyle...sell their house...or quit their job to make it *even*.........& it's so crazy to think they would. It's a relationship!!!!! Life isn't like the start of a Monopoly game where we get the same amount of money or split the rent in our 20's evenly with our roommates....& it doesn't mean you are "being taken care of" if you are able to walk out independently at any time........from a bad relationship & that's the only really important stuff that matters IMO.....

 
Old Today, 01:10 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
So...I got the idea for this thread from a couple people in this forum that talk about money in a relationship...(live in or marriage)....& what's "fair". If two people make very different incomes...as long as they are happy.....what's the difference who contributes more...& ofc, wouldn't the person who has more contribute more? How could it be any other way.... practically? It's not entitlement....or cheating anyone...if it's not a line right down the middle of the sand.........

People don't change their lifestyle...sell their house...or quit their job to make it *even*.........& it's so crazy to think they would. It's a relationship!!!!! Life isn't like the start of a Monopoly game where we get the same amount of money or split the rent in our 20's evenly with our roommates....& it doesn't mean you are "being taken care of" if you are able to walk out independently at any time........from a bad relationship & that's the only really important stuff that matters IMO.....
This has been done before I'm sure, but...

I think it depends how much the difference is. Let's say house buying power is 4x HHI.

I think if one partner makes 50K and the other makes 200K, then I would consider the buying power of the relationship around 100 - 150K HHI.

Personally, if I was the 50K, I wouldn't want to go buy an 800K house. Not only because I don't want to live in a neighborhood with 800K houses, but also because if we did, then that puts me at the mercy of my partner.

OTOH, a house worth 600K, ok she contributes a little more, but its closer. 400K to 500K is more where it's at.

In terms of everything else other than the house, I can afford my own car, my own food, my own vacations.

I'll also that I've seen up close the dynamics of how it works when, one person makes a lot more, and its not great.
 
Old Today, 01:12 PM
 
Location: Arlington, VA and Washington, DC
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No sale. As someone who worked in banking and finance for 11 years, it is just in my nature to measure what each party is contributing. I’ve seen and untangled too many messes between couples to do otherwise. If I’m paying the majority of shared expenses I’m going to have a problem with it and I will definitely not be polite about it.
 
Old Today, 01:17 PM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,297 posts, read 298,144 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
No sale. As someone who worked in banking and finance for 11 years, it is just in my nature to measure what each party is contributing. Iíve seen and untangled too many messes between couples to do otherwise. If Iím paying the majority of shared expenses Iím going to have a problem with it and I will definitely not be polite about it.
No sale of ...what? You wouldn't ever be in a relationship where you made more....? Ok......
 
Old Today, 01:19 PM
 
Location: In a place beyond human comprehension
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This seems to be a very sensitive topic for you.......

So a few people don't agree with what you think? So? If you're happy, that's all that matters.
 
Old Today, 01:22 PM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Auraliea View Post
This seems to be a very sensitive topic for you.......

So a few people don't agree with what you think? So? If you're happy, that's all that matters.
Ita we all should be happy & that's what matters...but this is a relationship forum & it is an interesting to hear what other people think....whether they agree with me or not............
 
Old Today, 01:28 PM
 
Location: Arlington, VA and Washington, DC
23,693 posts, read 33,578,364 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
No sale of ...what? You wouldn't ever be in a relationship where you made more....? Ok......
I wouldnít be in a relationship where I was contributing an unbalanced share of the money for expenses. It is on thing to be 51/49 in contributing by each party. I start to get suspicious if I notice Iím contributing 60% and the partner is contributing 40%. And yes I know how to calculate.
 
Old Today, 01:28 PM
 
Location: In a place beyond human comprehension
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I'm not interested in the idea being a "kept" woman. While it sounds nice to sit around at home and be in a traditional relationship/marriage, my spirit won't let me just "sit" like that, spending someone else's money. So yes being equally yoked is important to me. My mother raised me to be independent and to always have a plan b. I've known people who lived lives on both sides of the fence. When it's good, it's good. But I'd get bored. But if the person who makes more money was controlling and possessive, their spouse is basically "trapped." Expecting someone to do "more" because they make more is a bit silly to me. Because people don't always do what's "expected" of them.
 
Old Today, 01:30 PM
 
Location: new to the BA & l o v e it
1,297 posts, read 298,144 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Auraliea View Post
I'm not interested in the idea being a "kept" woman. While it sounds nice to sit around at home and be in a traditional relationship/marriage, my spirit won't let me just "sit" like that, spending someone else's money. So yes being equally yoked is important to me. My mother raised me to be independent and to always have a plan b. I've known people who lived lives on both sides of the fence. When it's good, it's good. But I'd get bored. But if the person who makes more money was controlling and possessive, their spouse is basically "trapped." Expecting someone to do "more" because they make more is a bit silly to me. Because people don't always do what's "expected" of them.
Ita about independence...& ability to leave any kind of a bad relationship....with or without money....like I said in my O.P. A N D ...it isn't about being "kept" Lol...if both have jobs & both bring in income........it's that one makes way more than the other.........................
 
Old Today, 01:33 PM
 
Location: In a place beyond human comprehension
7,729 posts, read 4,946,606 times
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You asked for an opinion and I gave it. To me whether you're not working or working a job that makes significantly less, I view that as being "kept."

*shrugs*

We can agree to disagree.

You sure love the word "independence."
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