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Old 08-09-2019, 03:44 PM
Status: "I don't FEEL tardy." (set 4 days ago)
 
2,042 posts, read 991,179 times
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Ask when that time comes. Its a serious thing to be concerned with.

Last edited by BobCaldwell; 08-09-2019 at 04:29 PM..
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Old 08-09-2019, 03:45 PM
 
6,875 posts, read 2,488,345 times
Reputation: 15797
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marble cake View Post
I just started dating again after a 43 year marriage. Iím widowed and decided to move forward.

So please teach me. What do I do if a man wants to get intimate? Iím very attracted to one I met on line. But Iím embarrassed to ask if he has a clean bill of health in that area. But I most certainly donít want an std.

Itís been a while since I dated to say the least. So how do I go about finding out if a man is STD free. Just ask I suppose. But is he telling the truth?

Any advice is appreciated.

Insist that he wear a condom. Maybe keep one or two in your purse, for when and if the occasion arises (wink wink, nudge nudge.)
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Old 08-09-2019, 03:46 PM
 
4,968 posts, read 1,527,811 times
Reputation: 6915
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carly1983 View Post
Or use condoms.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
Insist that he use a condom.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy View Post
Insist that he wear a condom. Maybe keep one or two in your purse, for when and if the occasion arises (wink wink, nudge nudge.)
Yep.
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Old 08-09-2019, 03:54 PM
 
Location: Colorado
12,094 posts, read 7,437,635 times
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Also do bear in mind recommendations for storing condoms. The old notion of carrying one around in a wallet (for guys) is a bad idea. Puts wear on 'em. I mean for instance don't leave them sitting in a hot car and so on.

Despite my long-as-heck post on the subject, I actually feel relatively optimistic about the present-day STD situation. The thing that used to be a death sentence, are not necessarily a death sentence anymore. While our health care system could be better about letting us have access to medications without bankrupting us over it (another subject entirely) at least now, medications exist that did not used to exist, for managing some of these things. Some of them just are not as big a deal as I once saw them to be, in terms of "what is the reality, the worst that could happen, if I actually did catch something?" I know nobody wants to think of that, but frankly if you're gonna play the game, you really should know the stakes.

Right now, what I consider more concerning than anything really, is the antibiotic resistant bacterial stuff, like the strains of gonorrhea. Like, MRSA scares me too, but I'd still go to the hospital if I needed an operation or something. *shrug*

So the "too long; didn't read" version of my long post:

1. Honest, mature communication.
2. Testing. As often as every 3 months if you're being high risk, as little as once a year if you're not.
3. Condoms (or dental dams for lesbians/oral on women - it's like a piece of plastic wrap over the naughty bits.)
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Old 08-09-2019, 03:55 PM
 
967 posts, read 247,301 times
Reputation: 1633
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marble cake View Post
I just started dating again after a 43 year marriage. I’m widowed and decided to move forward.

So please teach me. What do I do if a man wants to get intimate? I’m very attracted to one I met on line. But I’m embarrassed to ask if he has a clean bill of health in that area. But I most certainly don’t want an std.

It’s been a while since I dated to say the least. So how do I go about finding out if a man is STD free. Just ask I suppose. But is he telling the truth?

Any advice is appreciated.
He may not even know if he has an STD if he hasn't had a full battery of tests. Physicals do not include tests for STD's and someone may not get tested until symptoms appear. HIV symptoms may not show up for years. Someone may have the herpes virus and be symptomless for a long time. I wouldn't have sex at all until my partner had an initial full battery of tests and use a condom for six months until another battery of tests.

Trustworthiness notwithstanding, he may have had sexual relations with someone who passed on an STD and he isn't aware of it.

You might express it in a way that it is in both of your best interests to get tested; you plan to get tested before you get intimate and he should do the same.

Last edited by Maddie104; 08-09-2019 at 04:26 PM..
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Old 08-09-2019, 04:41 PM
 
1,228 posts, read 1,365,244 times
Reputation: 1935
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marble cake View Post
I just started dating again after a 43 year marriage. Iím widowed and decided to move forward.

So please teach me. What do I do if a man wants to get intimate? Iím very attracted to one I met on line. But Iím embarrassed to ask if he has a clean bill of health in that area. But I most certainly donít want an std.

Itís been a while since I dated to say the least. So how do I go about finding out if a man is STD free. Just ask I suppose. But is he telling the truth?

Any advice is appreciated.
I would be more embarrassed not to ask for STD testing. STD testing before intimacy is a must for me. I met a man online and we have a promising relationship. When we decided to be exclusive and talked about intimacy, I initiated the STD discussion. I got tested and showed him my results. He got tested and shared his results with me. He often teases me about my STD testing requirement but talks about how much he appreciates my concern for our sexual health. If he likes you enough, he will have no concerns about getting tested and sharing results.
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Old 08-10-2019, 05:07 AM
 
12,751 posts, read 10,050,793 times
Reputation: 16392
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marble cake View Post
I just started dating again after a 43 year marriage. Iím widowed and decided to move forward.

So please teach me. What do I do if a man wants to get intimate? Iím very attracted to one I met on line. But Iím embarrassed to ask if he has a clean bill of health in that area. But I most certainly donít want an std.

Itís been a while since I dated to say the least. So how do I go about finding out if a man is STD free. Just ask I suppose. But is he telling the truth?

Any advice is appreciated.
In a word. You don't. Ok, two words.

https://www.plannedparenthood.org/le...-sex/safer-sex
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Old 08-10-2019, 05:10 PM
 
2,901 posts, read 5,058,788 times
Reputation: 6928
Condoms do NOT protect against all STDs, notably Herpes. You should use them AFTER you share test results that include a Herpes test (not part of the standard STD screen).
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Old 08-10-2019, 06:20 PM
 
806 posts, read 460,632 times
Reputation: 716
tell him to blood test before you spread your legs. then he can tell you to blood test before he pops it in your mouth. you could even get tested together, then go out on a date right afterwards, then have safe unprotected sex afterwards! Pretty much a win all around, and both of you will find the experience enjoyable. Good luck!
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Old 08-10-2019, 07:56 PM
 
Location: Hockey Rulez, Texas
821 posts, read 270,385 times
Reputation: 1301
Every woman I have ever been with - we discuss it beforehand, and we each go get an STD test. We then share the results before we are intimate.

My last girlfriend was happy to have me bring it up. She said it was on her mind too, but she did not know how to bring it up. Her and I both got tested beforehand.

If you are with someone who feigns offense, then you probably do not want to be with that person.

Honestly - not it is so much easier now than in years past... Just go to this website: https://www.stdcheck.com/order-complete.php

Pay the $. You print out a lab paper. You take it to a local lab you pick beforehand. They draw blood and take a urine sample. You get the results in 3-4 days. You don't have to see a doctor.

Yes, you COULD go to your doctor and pay a co-pay, and it is cheaper. But, I just found this easier.
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