U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 08-09-2019, 04:13 PM
 
Location: Texas
9,959 posts, read 3,819,084 times
Reputation: 20311

Advertisements

Is it better to not contact someone after a break up for the purported reason of "needing closure"? What about people who drag things out when there is a break up, just for an excuse to keep seeing the person? This seems to almost always lead to drama.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 08-09-2019, 04:19 PM
Status: "Now I know how Joan of Arc felt ..." (set 3 days ago)
 
Location: Boulder, CO
507 posts, read 158,893 times
Reputation: 938
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
… people who drag things out when there is a break up, just for an excuse to keep seeing the person?

In my experience, this happens when the desire to end things is one-sided.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-09-2019, 04:21 PM
 
Location: Texas
9,959 posts, read 3,819,084 times
Reputation: 20311
Quote:
Originally Posted by ADogNamedSam View Post
In my experience, this happens when the desire to end things is one-sided.
Yeah, that's what I"m talking about. One person wants to drag things out because they can't let go. They will say they need closure. Want to have lots of "talks" about it. Or drunk dialing at 3 a.m. Then the person who is breaking up, is left with a memory of that person being desperate and pathetic. Or worse, remembers that person as a crazy psycho.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-09-2019, 04:36 PM
Status: "Now I know how Joan of Arc felt ..." (set 3 days ago)
 
Location: Boulder, CO
507 posts, read 158,893 times
Reputation: 938
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
Yeah, that's what I"m talking about. One person wants to drag things out because they can't let go. They will say they need closure. Want to have lots of "talks" about it. Or drunk dialing at 3 a.m. Then the person who is breaking up, is left with a memory of that person being desperate and pathetic. Or worse, remembers that person as a crazy psycho.

The person that cannot or does not want to let go is holding onto the hope that the "ender" will "come to their senses", will "remember all the good times together", so if they can hold on to them just a little … bit … longer …


I suspect in my life I have been on both sides of this type of breakup.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-09-2019, 04:43 PM
 
Location: Texas
9,959 posts, read 3,819,084 times
Reputation: 20311
I have always just let someone go.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-09-2019, 04:56 PM
 
9,048 posts, read 5,215,765 times
Reputation: 10305
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
Yeah, that's what I"m talking about. One person wants to drag things out because they can't let go. They will say they need closure. Want to have lots of "talks" about it. Or drunk dialing at 3 a.m. Then the person who is breaking up, is left with a memory of that person being desperate and pathetic. Or worse, remembers that person as a crazy psycho.
I think one brief talk is reasonable and OK. Lots of talks? No. Drunk dialing at 3am? No.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 03:34 AM
 
Location: around
731 posts, read 249,803 times
Reputation: 651
Personally , l think a chat or two is a really healthy thing, but best sorta move away from it after that and onward. l think it's very unhealthy and holding you back taking it any further though,providing you could actually have a chat and not some spiteful arguing thing that is.
And l think some closure and leaving it on good terms is a really healthy thing too , and a far nicer way to go into the future rather than spending the next 5yrs full of crap but trying to convince yourself you don't giva damn - when you do.
Talking a real relationship or marriage here .
Butttt, then there are extreme hurtful and betraying situations too and who could blame a person for not wanting too.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 07:46 AM
 
Location: Arlington, VA and Washington, DC
23,702 posts, read 33,596,242 times
Reputation: 32509
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
Is it better to not contact someone after a break up for the purported reason of "needing closure"? What about people who drag things out when there is a break up, just for an excuse to keep seeing the person? This seems to almost always lead to drama.
Personally I believe in no contact, no exceptions after a break up. I kept contact after breaking up with my ex last year and it was nothing but drama that could have easily been avoided.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 10:20 AM
 
7,717 posts, read 3,027,184 times
Reputation: 12695
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
Personally I believe in no contact, no exceptions after a break up. I kept contact after breaking up with my ex last year and it was nothing but drama that could have easily been avoided.
I’m seeing this as the best option too. I’ve been on both sides, I shouldn’t have responded to that request to discuss “one last thing”. In another situation, if my attempts for contact would’ve been ignored, I would have definitely gotten over it a lot sooner!

No one’s doing a favor by ‘hearing someone out’ when their minds made up.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 10:35 AM
 
Location: Texas
9,959 posts, read 3,819,084 times
Reputation: 20311
It seems to me that if you make a big scene (crying, drama), the person who leaves you will remember you as being somewhat pathetic. That will be their last memory of you. I would rather have them wonder if I was upset or not, and never know.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top