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Old 08-11-2019, 06:39 PM
 
Location: a primitive state
9,926 posts, read 20,258,772 times
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Meh. Significantly younger men are only good for one thing: moving heavy things. If they’re intelligent, we could have a decent conversation, but when it comes to s-e-x, I’d wonder what’s wrong with them.

A guy who is only two or three years younger is fine.
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Old 08-11-2019, 06:51 PM
 
Location: CasaMo
15,510 posts, read 7,554,084 times
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This is OPs third I like older women thread.

Be honest. You're obviously struggling with dating and that's draining, but is this more to do with bypassing the challenge of seeking women your age and thinking older women may be easier to get? Work on your self improvement. Improving your job situation you've talked about, getting out of your parents house, etc. As it stands now, it would be more of a mother son relationship than a romantic one. The older mature woman and younger not mature guy.
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Old 08-11-2019, 07:31 PM
 
Location: Texas
10,031 posts, read 3,845,244 times
Reputation: 20412
Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth View Post
They have no shame when they go around saying this. Call him a Golddigger like they do women to say the same.
This. I've repeatedly said men can be gold diggers, too. I met quite a few. They usually ask financially related questions right off the bat.
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Old 08-11-2019, 07:42 PM
 
734 posts, read 385,880 times
Reputation: 662
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
I generally agree that you should participate in regular activities, such as volunteering, where you would spend time around people who may be of that age. But I also recommend getting to know someone mentally, in a situation where age isn't right at the forefront of your encounters.

My boyfriend is younger than I am, and we met on this forum, where we got to know each others' personalities somewhat but then really got to know each other through messaging and phone calls. By the time I met him in person, I was already in love. You might pay attention to whether you click with someone in any of the forums you participate in regularly. I don't recommend long distance, though, if one or both of you aren't in a position to move at some point.

The process is very risky, of course, but it does happen.



There is no way to gauge that. It varies from person to person.

I do still wonder if you have an idealized view of older women and whether you really get to interact with many women at all on a regular basis. All "older women" aren't a homogeneous bloc, and they can have the same issues that younger women have. You still have to get to know individuals.

Why can't you ask out the woman who cuts your hair? Worst-case scenario - you have to get a new barber.
Absolutely, I'm not saying I think all older women are this way or that, it's just based on averages. Obviously not all people are the same. Thank you for the feedback!

Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL View Post
If you message an older woman on an online app, that means she may already have left the age parameters “open” in her profile settings.

I’ve had mine open for accepting messages from up to 15 years younger. It didn’t start out that way. When I first starting doing online dating (the same time I joined CD), I wouldn’t have known younger men were interested in meeting me. I hadn’t dated in about 20 years? I had been married, and then not interested for a long time. After I asked a question here and started reading other perspectives, I lowered my age requirement and have had some wonderful, hilarious, and awful experiences.

The point is, all were different. I can’t categorically say: “younger men are easier to get along with, more honest about what they’re looking for, more open minded...” they’re uniquely different just like same-age or older men. Don’t stereotype, you’ll see by reading here that a women’s age doesn’t necessarily guarantee anything about her personality.

For a better response from older women though, IME, don’t lead by right away pointing out age. When this happens, it becomes the focus and that’s not what it should be, you should want to go out with or get to know someone because of interest and chemistry, not the numbers.

The last much younger man I answered messages from kept pointing age out in our conversations: “I know I’m a lot younger” “thanks for being open to age” “have you gone out with any younger men” “you don’t look that old”. ...Alright already! It gave me the impression he was the one insecure about age, or fixated on it, or had some fantasy thing. THEN when I decided he would be too needy, not because of his age, but because one day he texted me, I told him I was at work and wouldn’t have time to talk until after 8pm...he texted 4 more times after that. When I explained later that I really didn’t have the kind of time he needed (constant attention over the span of a few days) I was trying to be nice. He replied: “Well for an older woman, you should probably have your sh** together better than that.” Huh?

I’ve had fun though, too, so I’m just suggesting you question why exactly you feel the way you do about older women when you can find the same qualities in someone your own age. Jussayin’.
Thank you for the feedback, certainly I am not obsessed with the age thing. I just feel more comfortable around women a bit older than me. Part of it is probably my interests/tastes. For example, I like music that came out before I was born. Modern music is junk to me for the most part. There's also a maturity factor. Many (but not all) women my age want to party all the time, that isn't for me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by brightdoglover View Post
Although I don't do online dating, I have worked with many young and younger men in my job. I must say that they are a lot less sexist than older men are. Not because they are "better" men, but they have grown up with women working, divorced parents, girls alongside in school or sports. I mean, I know men my age who went to all-male school or all-male military, stay-home mothers/homemakers, and so on. I think the social background makes a big difference.

I would happily go out with "younger" men. The very brief time I tried OLD, I specified 49-70 as my age range, and I'm 66.
That is an interesting point, and certainly I am not sexist. In fact, I'm just the opposite. I celebrate the accomplishments of women and would never tell a woman that she can't do what I do or that I am in charge and she isn't. That isn't who I am.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Carly1983 View Post
I'm mid 30s and have dated men 5-10 years younger than me. Online dating. Yoga class? but not with the express intent to hit on people, only if you don't mind yoga. You could learn to dance something like salsa or tango.
Believe me, I don't know how to properly "hit on" anyone. I know how to ask someone out, but I'm terrible at cheesy pick-up lines etc.

Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
I personally never dated younger men because they often had financial issues and were looking for an older woman with a house or some other means of support.
Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00 View Post
I think there can also be a sexual connection between older women and younger men. Im 41 but have been in relationships with men much older than me (when in my early 20s) and much younger. Down to about 23 years old (when I was early 30s). My personal preference is guys 2 years older than me, because we seemed to be on the same page and have the best companionship as far as hanging out, doing couple stuff, etc.

With the younger guys it was usually just physical. They are in shape, etc. its the typical boy toy thing.

No way would I be a sugar mama though. In my 30s I lived in a gorgeous house, had a well paying job, and yes the 22-28 year olds came out of the woodwork wanting to move in. No way though.

Maybe that was their main motive. I think they wanted to be taken care of, not much different from younger women who are with older well off men, right?

I did hear of women who enjoyed this arrangement. I mean these young guys can bring some talent, I wont judge anyone. If I were looking for an actual partner though he'd probably be about 2 years older than me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carly1983 View Post
I have to say the younger men I've dated seemed to want someone to mother them somewhat. I like spoiling people so I was up for it but I'm not sure how healthy it was.
Well, I can only speak for myself. I am looking for a meaningful relationship. I am not a wealthy person, but I am not looking for someone to provide for me financially. I want to find love essentially, as corny as that may sound.
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Old 08-12-2019, 02:05 PM
 
Location: Michigan
6 posts, read 1,557 times
Reputation: 56
Could the reason you prefer older women be that you are looking for a mother figure? Someone to baby you and treat you like a child? Just asking, not accusing.

My husband wanted it all wrapped in one package. He wanted his mother, who made June Cleaver look like a slob. I was 42 when we met. His mother had recently passed. He wanted me to be everything his 80 year old mother was plus, look and dress like a 20 year-old hooker. I had to set him straight. His mother's job was housewife. It was her passion. My job is xray tech. It is my passion. House wifery is not my passion, although I must do it. His mom had all day to clean, do laundry and cook meals. I work at the hospital almost every day. I am not 20 years old. I will not embarrass myself by looking like a 42 year old who is desperately trying to hold onto her youth by dressing like a hooker.
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Old 08-12-2019, 02:15 PM
 
1,928 posts, read 3,977,000 times
Reputation: 1541
Quote:
Originally Posted by njforlife92 View Post
I am 26 years old, and I have limited experience with relationships. But I tend to like women who are quite a bit older than I am, generally between the ages of 35 and 45. I think I am ready for a real relationship. My question to ladies (or men on here with experience dating older women) is, what is the best way to go about finding a woman who is older than me and successfully asking her out and entering into a relationship? This may sound like an odd question, but generally with girls my age you either meet at a bar or a dating app.

I feel more comfortable speaking with women who are older than me because of their maturity, I find women older than me to be more interesting than women my age, and frankly I am more physically attracted to women who are older than I am as a general rule. But it's really that I feel more of an emotional connection to older women.

I am a very old-fashioned guy in that I believe in chivalry, but I am also modern in that I like strong, independent women and support women's equality. I am not perfect, but I do think I'd be good for a mature woman because I am a great listener, very supportive, on the sensitive side, and not only looking for one thing. I would like to find someone to spoil, not so much in terms of expensive gifts but rather with love and pampering.

Any advice? Thanks!
From a straight man roughly 2 decades your elder...

This is probably not going to last. Many men have gone through a "I like older women phase." Mine was in college - that said, as a 20-year-old, 22 or 23 year olds who seemed that much older back then were themselves kid as I was a kid.

It can be argued that a woman of 35, 40, or 45 will be more mature, humbler, and endowed with greater life experience than a woman your age (although I've come across mid-30s women in recent time whose issues and baggage pointed to unresolved issues that were getting in the way of them getting into committed, monogamous relationships).

I'd ask you: what is your long-term goal? If you wish to settle down and start a family, what if a woman 9 to 20 years your elder has low odds of conception? Many women at 35 do give birth to very healthy babies; many women at 40 or even in their early 40s do. But the odds worsen in a woman's late 30s. Do you want to risk that? A woman your age or 1, 2, 3 years your junior would be a far surer bet in terms of fertility should you wish to marry and to have children.

At 26, you're still an extremely young adult. See more of the world, develop more friendships, and save/invest a lot more money. Relationships can potentially impact that and marriage most definitely does.
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Old 08-13-2019, 09:14 AM
 
Location: Texas
10,031 posts, read 3,845,244 times
Reputation: 20412
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sprawling_Homeowner View Post
I'd ask you: what is your long-term goal? If you wish to settle down and start a family, what if a woman 9 to 20 years your elder has low odds of conception? Many women at 35 do give birth to very healthy babies; many women at 40 or even in their early 40s do. But the odds worsen in a woman's late 30s. Do you want to risk that? A woman your age or 1, 2, 3 years your junior would be a far surer bet in terms of fertility should you wish to marry and to have children.
From what I've seen, men who date women in their 40s probably don't have a strong desire to have children anyway.

A lot of men I used to date, wound up never having kids. It's become far more common these days.
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Old 08-13-2019, 02:45 PM
 
Location: Eastern Washington
14,370 posts, read 45,192,926 times
Reputation: 13081
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
From what I've seen, men who date women in their 40s probably don't have a strong desire to have children anyway.

A lot of men I used to date, wound up never having kids. It's become far more common these days.

In my 20's and 30's, I mostly dated women in their 40's - specifically because I did not and do not want children. These gals mostly had their tubes tied, which was a definite plus in my book.


There are hetero people out there who don't want a family. We are not even that rare.
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Old Yesterday, 07:21 PM
 
734 posts, read 385,880 times
Reputation: 662
Thank you all for the feedback and advice, I greatly appreciate it!

Quote:
Originally Posted by grannygrunts View Post
Could the reason you prefer older women be that you are looking for a mother figure? Someone to baby you and treat you like a child? Just asking, not accusing.

My husband wanted it all wrapped in one package. He wanted his mother, who made June Cleaver look like a slob. I was 42 when we met. His mother had recently passed. He wanted me to be everything his 80 year old mother was plus, look and dress like a 20 year-old hooker. I had to set him straight. His mother's job was housewife. It was her passion. My job is xray tech. It is my passion. House wifery is not my passion, although I must do it. His mom had all day to clean, do laundry and cook meals. I work at the hospital almost every day. I am not 20 years old. I will not embarrass myself by looking like a 42 year old who is desperately trying to hold onto her youth by dressing like a hooker.
I completely understand why you ask the question. The answer in my case is no. I am not looking for someone to cook and clean for me, in fact in a relationship I am for dividing work like that 50/50 or even doing a majority of the cooking myself. Growing up, my father did most of the cooking.

It's a maturity and personality thing. I understand that not any two people are the same, but as an average I seem to have more in common with people a bit older than me. For example, many women my age want to spend Saturday nights drinking at a club with loud music. I rarely drink and don't like loud music, in fact I can't stand clubs. I'd rather do dinner and a movie out or at home. That is just one example of where I fit in better with people who are older than me. Most of my friends are older than me, and I think I would be better off with a significant other who is older as well. As I mentioned, I find older women attractive. I don't want to date someone who is 40 but tries to look 25, I want to date someone who is comfortable enough around me to be themselves. In fact, there are many times when I see a woman in her early 40s or late 30s and find them attractive, but my friends think I am crazy. But it's more the emotional connection I am looking for.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sprawling_Homeowner View Post
From a straight man roughly 2 decades your elder...

This is probably not going to last. Many men have gone through a "I like older women phase." Mine was in college - that said, as a 20-year-old, 22 or 23 year olds who seemed that much older back then were themselves kid as I was a kid.

It can be argued that a woman of 35, 40, or 45 will be more mature, humbler, and endowed with greater life experience than a woman your age (although I've come across mid-30s women in recent time whose issues and baggage pointed to unresolved issues that were getting in the way of them getting into committed, monogamous relationships).

I'd ask you: what is your long-term goal? If you wish to settle down and start a family, what if a woman 9 to 20 years your elder has low odds of conception? Many women at 35 do give birth to very healthy babies; many women at 40 or even in their early 40s do. But the odds worsen in a woman's late 30s. Do you want to risk that? A woman your age or 1, 2, 3 years your junior would be a far surer bet in terms of fertility should you wish to marry and to have children.

At 26, you're still an extremely young adult. See more of the world, develop more friendships, and save/invest a lot more money. Relationships can potentially impact that and marriage most definitely does.
My long-term goal is absolutely to settle down, but I am not interested in having kids. It isn't even a matter of "I am not at the point of being able to think about kids" it's just that I have no desire to have kids and am confident I won't change my mind.
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Old Yesterday, 07:23 PM
 
452 posts, read 332,655 times
Reputation: 413
They want to blackmail you
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