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Thank you all for the feedback and advice, I greatly appreciate it!
I completely understand why you ask the question. The answer in my case is no. I am not looking for someone to cook and clean for me, in fact in a relationship I am for dividing work like that 50/50 or even doing a majority of the cooking myself. Growing up, my father did most of the cooking.
It's a maturity and personality thing. I understand that not any two people are the same, but as an average I seem to have more in common with people a bit older than me. For example, many women my age want to spend Saturday nights drinking at a club with loud music. I rarely drink and don't like loud music, in fact I can't stand clubs. I'd rather do dinner and a movie out or at home. That is just one example of where I fit in better with people who are older than me. Most of my friends are older than me, and I think I would be better off with a significant other who is older as well. As I mentioned, I find older women attractive. I don't want to date someone who is 40 but tries to look 25, I want to date someone who is comfortable enough around me to be themselves. In fact, there are many times when I see a woman in her early 40s or late 30s and find them attractive, but my friends think I am crazy. But it's more the emotional connection I am looking for.
My long-term goal is absolutely to settle down, but I am not interested in having kids. It isn't even a matter of "I am not at the point of being able to think about kids" it's just that I have no desire to have kids and am confident I won't change my mind.
While only the underlined was addressed to me, I'd like to offer you the insight of someone who at one point was 26 years old, who once did find older women attractive (although again, when a man is 20 and the "older women" are 22 or 23, they're really not that much older), that you are simply not going to have by virtue of being only 26 years old.
Let's say you land a woman who is 40 now and you marry her next year. So you'll be 27 and she'll be 41.
When she is 50, you'll only be 36.
If you think - or if anyone tells you - that there won't be conflicts due to this age gap, it's simply not true. The seasons of life are varied and unpredictable, and when you're ending what people call young adulthood (late 30s), your hypothetical wife will be staring at the last decade before what many term as "old age" arrives.
I am 9 years older than my wife. We get along fine, but in the past 2 years I've been going through a minor mid-life struggle as I realize I'm getting older in a way that is far different than going from 35 to 40. The big 50 is not far away, I'm making assessments of my retirement funds, and the big 60 is only 14 years away.
My wife is not even 40. She struggles to understand what I'm going through. It's not that she doesn't care or doesn't empathize. But because she's years away from an age I hit and passed 6 years ago, there are differences in how she perceives aging now in her own life vs. how I feel and see it in my life.
You must also consider the fact that while many women today use their intelligence and talents to build success in career and personal finance, some actually still look at husbands as the ultimate providers, and women rarely pick men who aren't going to be able to "keep up" in terms of earnings and lifestyle with what these women already make as bachelorettes. Let's say this woman has exquisite taste. Are you certain your career path will lead you to a place where you'll be able to afford her refined tastes?
What about social life? Are you certain your wife, who is 13 years older, won't feel out of place when you have gatherings with other people who are mostly your peers and she's that much older? When you're 35 and everyone else at the BBQ is also a married couple but mostly mid-30s and she's 48, 49, or 50 - you really don't think she might feel a bit awkward or out of place? Have you considered that a decade's worth of difference in age does impact whom we befriend as adults because of the experiences one is going through? If the relatively young married women in such gatherings are going through things your wife went through more than 1 decade prior, will your wife not feel stifled or frustrated? And will those women relate to a woman who is that much older?
Finally, a more sober precautionary word. Do not overestimate your ability to keep your eyes away from other women. I am faithful and have never committed adultery (and never will). But I realize the frailty of humanity. When you're 36 and your hypothetical wife is 50 and you hang out with friends who are closer to you in age and some happen to be single women who are 13 to 15 or even more years younger than your wife, do not assume you'll never compare. Even with genetics, diet, exercise all considered, a 35-year-old woman is almost certainly going to be more attractive than a 50-year-old.
The older woman may have mystique, charm, and a certain sexiness that younger girls may lack. But time is not forgiving.
You're only... ONLY... 26. Give yourself a bit more time. When you're 30, you'll most likely be quite different in outlook. You may indeed never desire children, but when you're 30, most 40 to 45 year old women may not be as attractive then as you think they are now. (And... if you change your mind about having children, but you marry a woman 8, 10, 15 years older - you will have a spouse whose biological odds of pregnancy will not be high. If there is even the slightest possibility you may one day decide to become a biological father, you cannot possibly overlook this troubling scientific fact.)
Last edited by Sprawling_Homeowner; 08-16-2019 at 07:35 AM..
While only the underlined was addressed to me, I'd like to offer you the insight of someone who at one point was 26 years old, who once did find older women attractive (although again, when a man is 20 and the "older women" are 22 or 23, they're really not that much older), that you are simply not going to have by virtue of being only 26 years old.
Let's say you land a woman who is 40 now and you marry her next year. So you'll be 27 and she'll be 41.
When she is 50, you'll only be 36.
If you think - or if anyone tells you - that there won't be conflicts due to this age gap, it's simply not true. The seasons of life are varied and unpredictable, and when you're ending what people call young adulthood (late 30s), your hypothetical wife will be staring at the last decade before what many term as "old age" arrives.
I am 9 years older than my wife. We get along fine, but in the past 2 years I've been going through a minor mid-life struggle as I realize I'm getting older in a way that is far different than going from 35 to 40. The big 50 is not far away, I'm making assessments of my retirement funds, and the big 60 is only 14 years away.
My wife is not even 40. She struggles to understand what I'm going through. It's not that she doesn't care or doesn't empathize. But because she's years away from an age I hit and passed 6 years ago, there are differences in how she perceives aging now in her own life vs. how I feel and see it in my life.
You must also consider the fact that while many women today use their intelligence and talents to build success in career and personal finance, some actually still look at husbands as the ultimate providers, and women rarely pick men who aren't going to be able to "keep up" in terms of earnings and lifestyle with what these women already make as bachelorettes. Let's say this woman has exquisite taste. Are you certain your career path will lead you to a place where you'll be able to afford her refined tastes?
What about social life? Are you certain your wife, who is 13 years older, won't feel out of place when you have gatherings with other people who are mostly your peers and she's that much older? When you're 35 and everyone else at the BBQ is also a married couple but mostly mid-30s and she's 48, 49, or 50 - you really don't think she might feel a bit awkward or out of place? Have you considered that a decade's worth of difference in age does impact whom we befriend as adults because of the experiences one is going through? If the relatively young married women in such gatherings are going through things your wife went through more than 1 decade prior, will your wife not feel stifled or frustrated? And will those women relate to a woman who is that much older?
Finally, a more sober precautionary word. Do not overestimate your ability to keep your eyes away from other women. I am faithful and have never committed adultery (and never will). But I realize the frailty of humanity. When you're 36 and your hypothetical wife is 50 and you hang out with friends who are closer to you in age and some happen to be single women who are 13 to 15 or even more years younger than your wife, do not assume you'll never compare. Even with genetics, diet, exercise all considered, a 35-year-old woman is almost certainly going to be more attractive than a 50-year-old.
The older woman may have mystique, charm, and a certain sexiness that younger girls may lack. But time is not forgiving.
You're only... ONLY... 26. Give yourself a bit more time. When you're 30, you'll most likely be quite different in outlook. You may indeed never desire children, but when you're 30, most 40 to 45 year old women may not be as attractive then as you think they are now. (And... if you change your mind about having children, but you marry a woman 8, 10, 15 years older - you will have a spouse whose biological odds of pregnancy will not be high. If there is even the slightest possibility you may one day decide to become a biological father, you cannot possibly overlook this troubling scientific fact.)
First, I want to thank you for taking the time to write all this and share your insight. I appreciate hearing from someone with experience and you certainly have given me a lot to think about.
I have not considered your career question. I guess the reason the career issue never occurred to me is because I have male friends who's wives earn more than they do and it doesn't seem to be an issue, though obviously I don't know what goes on behind closed doors.
I have considered the social aspect of this. Most of my friends are older than me. Some are in their late 20s, a few in their early 40s, and most are in their 30s. I would say if you averaged everything, the average age of my friends is around 34 or 35. My friends significant others range in age from 27 to 50.
As far as other women, I would never cheat on anyone I was in a relationship with. Frankly, there are women in their 50s I find attractive, but obviously that is wayyyyyyy too old for me to date.
Let me be clear, I am not solely looking for a relationship with a woman who is a decade my senior or more. The point of me asking what I did is simply because on average, I like older women better than women my age. But that doesn't mean I would not date someone my age.
Op, i hear what you're saying about older women. There are plenty...plenty of superbad, fine, traffic stopping women in their 40s plus. But, the problem is you are only 26. You have to compete with all of those men who are also in their 40s, take care of themselves, AND have their own stuff together (financially and otherwise). To many of those women, probably most, you are still a boy.
My advice, go for late 20s early 30s.
Last edited by PardonTheInterruption; 08-16-2019 at 01:47 PM..
Op, i hear what you're saying about older women. There are plenty...plenty of superbad, fine, traffic stopping women in their 40s plus. But, the problem is you are only 26. You have to compete with all of those men who are also in their 40s, take of themselves, AND have their own stuff together (financially and otherwise). To many of those women, probably most, you are still a boy.
My advice, go for late 20s early 30s.
^This.
At 26, one is an adult. But at 26, one is still only 3-4 years out of college. A 40-year-old woman, even if never married, will have far more life experience and very likely be looking at men 40 to 50 years old - who have far more life experience and a more impressive net worth.
I'm 33. My first long-term girlfriend was 34/35 when I was 18. We were together for three years. It was fine most of the time, but she ended up cheating on me with a guy close to her own age.
Most of mine have been OLD. When I started college, there was a woman in her early 40s in one of my college classes I just had to have. It took awhile, but I was successful.
I'm 37 and would for sure date someone OP's age or even younger long as they were cool. I always say my age range is between the age of legal consent and death. I'd probably prefer someone more in the middle of those extremes, but I don't believe in putting limits on it.
I also wouldn't have any problem hanging out with people of a different age group. I've hung out with people of the full age ranges, all the way from late teens to people in their 70s. I don't know, to me this doesn't seem like any big deal. People are people no matter when they were born. You can always find topics to connect with people over. Current events, travel, outdoor recreation, movies, etc.
I'm not big on the whole "Age difference causing a problem in relationships" belief. I guess maybe it does for some people, but it's just not the sort of thing I'd care about personally.
As far as how to meet older ladies... The same way you'd meet younger ones, I imagine. Go fun places, do fun things. As if older ladies don't enjoy hanging out in bars? I mean, I don't personally drink but that has nothing to do with my age. I just don't.
Older ladies are just living their lives same as anyone. It's more about your lifestyle and what you want to do for fun. Go do those things, whether they be the gym or yoga or traveling or art classes or whatever else. And of course there's always dating apps. All my single female friends in their 40s+ are on the apps, same as anyone.
At 26, one is an adult. But at 26, one is still only 3-4 years out of college. A 40-year-old woman, even if never married, will have far more life experience and very likely be looking at men 40 to 50 years old - who have far more life experience and a more impressive net worth.
I agree with this, for the most part. I did know a man who routinely dated/married women who were anywhere from 10-25 years older than him. He had difficulties and sort of needed a mother figure to take care of him. These women were basically his caretakers. I went out with him a few times but he was too irresponsible and child-like for being in his early 30s.
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, I bet your dance card is never empty. lol
