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Old Today, 04:17 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Laychick View Post
I've never been married in my life but currently have a long-distance relationship. I know we're going to eventually get married and sometimes this can provoke an uneasy feeling even though he already said he would never hit me. I have no idea what's it like being proud of your marriage and having a husband that never ever hit you. That must be a wonderful feeling; for a woman to be respected in that manner and always feel safe.

Out of 100% what are the chances of having a successful marriage and never ever get hit (no matter how heated an argument turns out) by a husband?

Note: Please stop referring to other past threads unrelated to this question. I don't wish to get bullied here again. I've felt some of you were bullying me.
Never get hit? I fear for you. That is such a crazy low bar.
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Old Today, 04:49 AM
Status: "Fill the days." (set 19 days ago)
 
Location: Fredericksburg/Virginia Beach, VA
10,728 posts, read 11,170,543 times
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Married about 13-1/2 years and I’ve never hit my wife. Even in the middle of our worst arguments it has never occurred to me to hit her.
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Old Today, 05:36 AM
 
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I was married for 15 years and was never hit/no violence. And no woman I personally know has reported any physical violence in their marriage. I hope this helps.
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Old Today, 06:27 AM
 
1,369 posts, read 1,753,007 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
Never get hit? I fear for you. That is such a crazy low bar.
It's low alright but apparently many men in the family couldn't even follow that easy, obvious expectation. They all failed.
Quote:
Originally Posted by iknowftbll View Post
Married about 13-1/2 years and I’ve never hit my wife. Even in the middle of our worst arguments it has never occurred to me to hit her.
Cool
Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth View Post
I was married for 15 years and was never hit/no violence. And no woman I personally know has reported any physical violence in their marriage. I hope this helps.
It helps restore some hope.
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Old Today, 06:33 AM
 
1,369 posts, read 1,753,007 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL View Post
Well as birdie suggested...I’ll speak for that 1:3 or 1:4. Given I met him when I was 18, came from a dysfunctional family, low esteem, all the prerequisites for disaster, I actually don’t feel like I was in an abusive relationship, but yeah...towards the end he developed an all consuming drug addiction that turned him into an entirely different person.
Sorry to hear that.
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Old Today, 06:59 AM
 
Location: Virginia
4,034 posts, read 2,089,320 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Laychick View Post
Thanks for the answer. That's still a lot.
I'm going to be nervous when I get married. There might be a short period I might take some precautions till I feel safe and reassured he isn't the type to hit.

It's refreshing whenever I hear about a man that never lay a hand on his wife (even when they've been married for lets say 10+ years) in anger. Chivalry is a wonderful trait in a man but I guess that's rare.
I would think you shouldn't even be marrying a person until you KNOW he's not the type to hit. Neither of my husbands ever hit me, nor would I have expected them to. It wasn't something they ever stated to me, nor did we discuss it. It was a basic expectation on my part, and I wouldn't even have been dating them in the first place if I had an inkling that their behavior indicated any violent tendencies. My mantra has always been "Touch me in anger, you're going to draw back a nub". I've never had to state that, but maybe I've just given off that strength of will, because I've never been hit by a man. My late sister, on the other hand, was married to a violent, alcoholic abuser for over 30 years. I never could understand it, nor could our Mom.
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Old Today, 07:16 AM
 
170 posts, read 33,554 times
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If this question is already on your mind then you should hold off on getting married for now, especially if you grew up with abusive family members.
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Old Today, 07:51 AM
 
7,719 posts, read 3,032,095 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bungalove View Post
I would think you shouldn't even be marrying a person until you KNOW he's not the type to hit. Neither of my husbands ever hit me, nor would I have expected them to. It wasn't something they ever stated to me, nor did we discuss it. It was a basic expectation on my part, and I wouldn't even have been dating them in the first place if I had an inkling that their behavior indicated any violent tendencies. My mantra has always been "Touch me in anger, you're going to draw back a nub". I've never had to state that, but maybe I've just given off that strength of will, because I've never been hit by a man. My late sister, on the other hand, was married to a violent, alcoholic abuser for over 30 years. I never could understand it, nor could our Mom.
Yeah...see this is why I should’ve put a little more thought into contributing.
Do you think 1:3 maybe forgot to discuss that this isn’t “what they want”?
Never mind.
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Old Today, 08:09 AM
Lou
 
288 posts, read 115,734 times
Reputation: 457
I never hit an SO. I would get physically aggressive only if she forced me to defend myself.

There was some violence in my extended family (slap and shove type of stuff), and I resolved that such behavior wouldn't happen in my household. I've told that to every woman I've gotten serious with, and that if I ever felt things getting that primitive I would just end the relationship right there. Likewise, I would immediately end it if she initiated any physical violence. Zero tolerance for violence.
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Old Today, 08:17 AM
 
634 posts, read 336,661 times
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Ive never been married but I cohabited with a guy who was abusive, physically and psychologically. I didnt know this when I moved in with him or of course I wouldnt have, but he actually showed violence the day we moved in. He pushed me so hard I flew several feet and landed on my ass on the floor.

That was a "wtf?" moment for me but it wasnt bad enough to call the police or file assault charges. I was not injured, no bruises, just really shocked.

Also, I had given up my apartment to get an apartnent with him, and had no other place to go.

Lets just say the abuse escalated. Eventually I got family help to leave, and stayed with family after that. Without family help I would have been stuck, basically a prisoner, as he was very controlling as well and had successfully isolated me from my friends, and had convinced his entire family that I was the problem.

But most other men I have been in n relationships with were not this way. Its not the norm in America. I consider that a pretty isolated experience in my dating history. And none of my relatives or friends have been in physically abusive relationships that I know of. Well one friend was.
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