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Old Yesterday, 10:45 PM
 
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I've never been married in my life but currently have a long-distance relationship. I know we're going to eventually get married and sometimes this can provoke an uneasy feeling even though he already said he would never hit me. I have no idea what's it like being proud of your marriage and having a husband that never ever hit you. That must be a wonderful feeling; for a woman to be respected in that manner and always feel safe.

Out of 100% what are the chances of having a successful marriage and never ever get hit (no matter how heated an argument turns out) by a husband?

Note: Please stop referring to other past threads unrelated to this question. I don't wish to get bullied here again. I've felt some of you were bullying me.
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Old Yesterday, 10:52 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,705 posts, read 42,347,370 times
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Stats don’t differentiate between marriage and “intimate partners.” But the experts say:

“1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner. This includes a range of behaviors (e.g. slapping, shoving, pushing) and in some cases might not be considered "domestic violence." 1”

https://ncadv.org/statistics

Personally, I’ve never experienced It.
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Old Yesterday, 11:02 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
Stats don’t differentiate between marriage and “intimate partners.” But the experts say:

“1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner. This includes a range of behaviors (e.g. slapping, shoving, pushing) and in some cases might not be considered "domestic violence." 1”

https://ncadv.org/statistics
Thanks for the answer. That's still a lot.
I'm going to be nervous when I get married. There might be a short period I might take some precautions till I feel safe and reassured he isn't the type to hit.

It's refreshing whenever I hear about a man that never lay a hand on his wife (even when they've been married for lets say 10+ years) in anger. Chivalry is a wonderful trait in a man but I guess that's rare.
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Old Yesterday, 11:08 PM
 
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I wonder if OP is thinking of long-distance relationship with another culture or country. It's not about chivalry, it's about normal decency, which I certainly hope is at least somewhat to be expected. I wonder if OP is from an environment where male violence on wives is normal?
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Old Yesterday, 11:11 PM
 
829 posts, read 208,593 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Laychick View Post
Thanks for the answer. That's still a lot.
I'm going to be nervous when I get married. There might be a short period I might take some precautions till I feel safe and reassured he isn't the type to hit.

It's refreshing whenever I hear about a man that never lay a hand on his wife (even when they've been married for lets say 10+ years) in anger. Chivalry is a wonderful trait in a man but I guess that's rare.

Seems to me the best precaution to take would be to not get married until you're sure he's the type of person who will use physical violence.


I think you're confusing "chivalry" with "decent humanity." Chivalry doesn't stop a man from hitting his wife, being a decent human being does. That said, if the above stats are correct, it's more rare (33%) for a woman to experience violence at the hands of her partner than not (66%)...almost as rare as a man experiencing violence at the hands of his partner (25%)
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Old Yesterday, 11:15 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by brightdoglover View Post
I wonder if OP is thinking of long-distance relationship with another culture or country. It's not about chivalry, it's about normal decency, which I certainly hope is at least somewhat to be expected. I wonder if OP is from an environment where male violence on wives is normal?
He's in the USA and I'm stuck here in Peru for 12 years already. Though I used to live in Miami, Fl long ago.

Moving on, to answer your question......yes you guessed correctly on your last sentence. More women are getting killed or injured in my country every year. The rates have been increasing lately. That's part of the reason I'm not taking any risk in getting involved with a local man here. First, they don't speak English and secondly, they have a disgusting, possessive attitude.

This might sound prejudice but there was a time I really hated the local Peruvian men. At some point, I generalize them all and saw them as nothing but aggressive, possessive and violent machines. I know not everyone is the same but I ain't taking any risk at all.
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Old Yesterday, 11:24 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by At Arms Length View Post
Seems to me the best precaution to take would be to not get married until you're sure he's the type of person who will use physical violence.
That makes more sense but I can't wait too long. I'm already 32 and have desires of forming a family.
Quote:
Originally Posted by At Arms Length View Post
I think you're confusing "chivalry" with "decent humanity." Chivalry doesn't stop a man from hitting his wife, being a decent human being does. That said, if the above stats are correct, it's more rare (33%) for a woman to experience violence at the hands of her partner than not (66%)...almost as rare as a man experiencing violence at the hands of his partner (25%)
Perhaps is because I can't think of any great man (worthy of putting him in a pedestal) in the family that never hit their wives or if there were, I don't know.
Hopefully I'll be found in the 66% that never has to experience getting hit in the marriage.
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Old Yesterday, 11:37 PM
 
829 posts, read 208,593 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Laychick View Post
That makes more sense but I can't wait too long. I'm already 32 and have desires of forming a family.
Perhaps is because I can't think of any great man (worthy of putting him in a pedestal) in the family that never hit their wives or if there were, I don't know.
Hopefully I'll be found in the 66% that never has to experience getting hit in the marriage.

If a guy hits you he might be likely to hit your kids. What's better for your future children...jumping into a relationship that turns abusive so you can have kids faster, or waiting longer to make sure the guy is going to be a good partner and father?


Don't put people on a pedestal. Everyone's human. You put them up that high, they're just going to fall off and disappoint you. It's not fair to someone to put that sort of expectation on them.


And if a person is using violence in any situation but self-defense, then they are the opposite of great.
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Old Yesterday, 11:43 PM
 
1,365 posts, read 1,753,007 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by At Arms Length View Post
If a guy hits you he might be likely to hit your kids. What's better for your future children...jumping into a relationship that turns abusive so you can have kids faster, or waiting longer to make sure the guy is going to be a good partner and father?


Don't put people on a pedestal. Everyone's human. You put them up that high, they're just going to fall off and disappoint you. It's not fair to someone to put that sort of expectation on them.

If a guy hits me, it would be over right that day. I'm extremely black-and-white on this issue and getting hit even once is an immediate deal-breaker to me. Not only that but I will report him and go out of my way to make sure assault charges remain on his record as well as file for divorce ASAP.

I'm very clear on that one. I refuse to be another woman in the family that accepted that blatant disrespect and horrible treatment.

Quote:
Originally Posted by At Arms Length View Post
And if a person is using violence in any situation but self-defense, then they are the opposite of great.
Hence why I said I can't think of any great one in the family.
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Old Yesterday, 11:59 PM
 
Location: Tyler, TX
542 posts, read 597,000 times
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Psychological abuse is far more common and far less recognizable even to the perpetrator. Don’t ask me how I know.

I’ve known quite a few women who suffered from a psychological type of abuse than physical. Probably a 3:1 ratio.
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