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Old Yesterday, 10:29 AM
 
17 posts, read 4,266 times
Reputation: 30

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Quote:
Originally Posted by elnina View Post
You ARE going to see her again, possibly every day or several times a week. You moved across the street to spy on her, to torture yourself and to try stupid things.
You need to move very far from her, across the town or different town. And is OK that you don't want to meet her and let her get things off her chest. You should move on with your life.
I didn't move across the street to spy on her. She was the one who actually found me the apartment. She was really excited about me living closer to her. Anyways just wanted to make that clear. I've been talking to the landlord.

Breaking off the lease would cost me over $2000 which is crazy ( i got played). Since i'm international, it is very had to find landlords that are willing to lease you a place. I can sublet it to someone. I'm actively looking for someone to sublet it. I'm just worried that if I don't, i will have to live there. I would love to find a part time job and get the money to break the lease. But I can't. I'm an international student and I'm graduating from grad school in 2 weeks. I am waiting to get my work authorization card, which takes 3 months. I cannot work or do anything until I get the card. I only have enough money to pay rent for 4 months while i'm waiting to get my card so i can start working.

The only thing that is going to pick me up from my current depression is finding a job. I'm currently negotiating with a company for a job (mechanical Engineer), and that is the only thing that is keeping me sane. I haven't seen my family in years, I'm getting my masters from a great school in Mechanical Engineering. I was so excited about it, now i literally couldn't care less. it just seems like everything is falling apart.
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Old Yesterday, 11:23 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,779 posts, read 42,398,909 times
Reputation: 84449
Quote:
Originally Posted by leboss12345 View Post

The only thing that is going to pick me up from my current depression is finding a job. I'm currently negotiating with a company for a job (mechanical Engineer), and that is the only thing that is keeping me sane. I haven't seen my family in years, I'm getting my masters from a great school in Mechanical Engineering. I was so excited about it, now i literally couldn't care less. it just seems like everything is falling apart.
Have you checked the counseling center at your university? It probably is free, and you really could use it.
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Old Yesterday, 01:30 PM
 
1,248 posts, read 1,244,942 times
Reputation: 559
Focus on yourself and getting a job.
I think based on your previous history, it is okay to contact her again if you wish, but wait until you have a job and aren't too much of a mess overall. Maybe ask for no contact at all for 6 months to 1 year at least if you want to set a minimum limit.

In terms of a place, if you aren't stuck in an agreement or your lease is up, look for another place on your own that works even better for you. It will make you a more confident person for yourself so that you won't feel dependent on her in some way, even if indirect.

If she was honest to you when she had her chance, then I wouldn't feel like you'd have to avoid her. But since you have a lot to work on yourself, her emotions will be more of a distraction for you and not helpful. Right now, you need to focus on you and other people more.

Also, when you meet her, it's strictly platonic. No commitments at this point. Move on from her relationship wise. If you aren't able to compartmentalize that and hold your own, then keep her distance. But, if you feel bad for the distancing or want to be acceptably polite, tell her that you need to distance yourself because of the statements in this paragraph and all prior experiences considered. These are your feelings and you need care for yourself before you can care for others again.
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Old Today, 05:40 AM
 
1,088 posts, read 681,424 times
Reputation: 3341
Don't waste your time talking to her anymore. At this point, after everything that has happened, there's literally nothing she can possibly say that will make any difference.

This could have gone so much differently if she would have wised up and quit cheating on you in front of your face for over a year. But now you've severed that tie, which was very smart to do. Now you just need to concentrate on your next chapter without her in your life. Which honestly sounds like it's going to be a lot less stressful because it's far worse being in a relationship where your partner is openly cheating on you in front of your face and denying it than it is to be free of that prison and living a way better life without them.
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Old Today, 03:08 PM
 
17 posts, read 4,266 times
Reputation: 30
I told her that it is over and that I don't want to see her and that we are broken up and there is no chance of getting back together. But I just need to know some things and I wanted to get everyone else's opinion. This is just for me and won't change my mind about ending with her.

She said that she did get a crush on him but she wants to be with me and that it is just a crush and nothing more. She kept saying that she loves me and no one else. For future reference, is this considered unhealthy for a relationship. I'm sure people get crushes all the time eventhough they are in relationships but I don't know, I never did for some reason. I accidentally saw them walking their dogs together 2 days after we broke up. I was walking at night just pondering and thinking and I saw them and just went away. I got very jealous and couldn't bare it. I thought to myself if she really loves me, would she see this guy, who was the reason for our break up, 2 days after we broke up? Did she really love me? Thats the question I keep asking myself. 7 years of being best friends and 3 years of a relationship ruined by someone who is she knew for 8 months. I just don't think she loved me.

We have mutual friends, and my friend told me that she asked her if wanted to go camping with a group of his friends and she said yes. first of all my friend is a jerk for telling me that. I'm trying to get over this girl. But it's just mind boggling.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
Have you checked the counseling center at your university? It probably is free, and you really could use it.
I am checking the counseling center at my university, cause at this point I don't know what i'm capable of doing.
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Old Today, 03:11 PM
 
661 posts, read 340,825 times
Reputation: 478
She wants to have her cake and eat it too. Its not normal to have crushes during a committed relationship. It can happen after, say, years of marriage when the marriage has gotten a bit too comfortable? Thats not so abnormal; frowned upon but easier to understand? But not when a relationship is still fairly new, in the honeymoon phase.

She is Trouble with a capital T.
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Old Today, 03:13 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,779 posts, read 42,398,909 times
Reputation: 84449
Quote:
Originally Posted by leboss12345 View Post
I told her that it is over and that I don't want to see her and that we are broken up and there is no chance of getting back together. But I just need to know some things and I wanted to get everyone else's opinion. This is just for me and won't change my mind about ending with her.

She said that she did get a crush on him but she wants to be with me and that it is just a crush and nothing more. She kept saying that she loves me and no one else. For future reference, is this considered unhealthy for a relationship. I'm sure people get crushes all the time eventhough they are in relationships but I don't know, I never did for some reason. I accidentally saw them walking their dogs together 2 days after we broke up. I was walking at night just pondering and thinking and I saw them and just went away. I got very jealous and couldn't bare it. I thought to myself if she really loves me, would she see this guy, who was the reason for our break up, 2 days after we broke up? Did she really love me? Thats the question I keep asking myself. 7 years of being best friends and 3 years of a relationship ruined by someone who is she knew for 8 months. I just don't think she loved me.
She's 30 - way too old to behave this immaturely.

You probably won't get the answers you want. She most likely loves you as a secure and safe choice, yet she is still tempted by other guys and most likely always will be.

She basically dated this guy while she was supposed to be your GF.

It's a problem you can't resolve. She has issues that make her unable to be a good girlfriend. I doubt she was trying to actively hurt you but she didn't REALLY care about your feelings, and so in that sense, no, she didn't love you the way she should have to have a future with you.
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