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Old 08-12-2019, 10:19 AM
 
17 posts, read 4,266 times
Reputation: 30

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Hello Everyone,

I'm sure some people remember me posting about my girlfriend and everyone recommended that we broke up. After a long wait, I finally did it. Just to give some back story:

I was feeling uncomfortable because my girlfriend was talking to his guy 24/7. He told her he liked her but she told him that she in a relationship but they still kept talking. They would go to dog walks together and basically text every second of the day. I told her that it made me uncomfortable but she said that they are just friends and that there is nothing to worry about it. It made uncomfortable not because I didn't trust her but because I could sense that there was something there. I told her to just break up with me if she thinks that she wants to be with him but she said that she loves me and wants to be with me. I let it go after that. I only told her once about me being uncomfortable. I didn't bring it up again because she gave me a pretty convincing answer and I trusted her.

Fast forward 6 months, she's talking to this guy so much and seeing him basically everyday. I also felt like she was getting distant. I started blaming myself because I thought that he was giving her something that I wasn't. So I talk to her and asked her if there is anything that she would like to talk to me about. Is there anything that she is not happy about in our relationship. She is said that loves me and loves how loving and supporting I am ... basically it was all compliments. I didn't find that helpful because I'm trying to make this relationship better for both of us.

Anyways, she started getting more and more distant and acting weird around me. So I confronted her and I told her that something is wrong and that she needs to tell me. After hours, she finally told me that she has a crush on this guy. I was furious but still kept my calm. I was furious because she made me feel crazy about it before. She told that she didn't cheat with me but that she would flirt with him all the time and she also thought about being in a relationship with him. However, she also told me that she is gonna stop talking to him and that she wants to be with me. Anyways, I didn't know what to do. we've been together for 3 years and we've been best friends for 4 years before that. She was sobbing and crying and apologizing and trying to convince me that she will not contact him anymore. However, I had enough. I was broken. I don't think I can trust her anymore. She made me feel like an ******* for telling her that her relationship with him made me uncomfortable. She messed me up emotionally and mentally. anyways, I broke up with her and it was the hardest thing i've ever done. She was sobbing and begging me to stay.

She texted me and said she didn't want to leave it like that and that she had somethings to say. I don't know if I should see her. Any advice on that? Also I already signed a lease and gave a deposit for an apartment that is literally across. I told her that i'm going to break it off but it doesn't seem like its going to happen. its a 6 month lease so it's not too bad. At least its not one year. Is it ok to live across the street from her? or is it worth paying a lot of money to break off the lease. I just got out of grad school and currently looking for a job so I don't have too much money.
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Old 08-12-2019, 10:38 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,778 posts, read 42,398,909 times
Reputation: 84444
Quote:
Originally Posted by leboss12345 View Post

I had enough. I was broken. I don't think I can trust her anymore. She made me feel like an ******* for telling her that her relationship with him made me uncomfortable. She messed me up emotionally and mentally.
Are you going to listen this time?
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Old 08-12-2019, 10:39 AM
 
17 posts, read 4,266 times
Reputation: 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
Are you going to listen this time?
of course, I'll take the criticism. I know i've made mistakes and I want to learn from this, so feel free to say anything.
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Old 08-12-2019, 10:42 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,778 posts, read 42,398,909 times
Reputation: 84444
Quote:
Originally Posted by leboss12345 View Post
of course, I'll take the criticism. I know i've made mistakes and I want to learn from this, so feel free to say anything.
I'm not here to criticize you.

I would like to offer advice, but I don't want to waste my time if you're just gonna do what you want to do based on your codependent thoughts about her.

Of course it's dumb to move across the street from her. There HAS to be another option.

No, you should not meet with her. She's had months to say the things she wanted to say to you. Now that you've finally wised up, do NOT give in and let her manipulate you with her sad-girl immaturity.

If she hasn't grown up yet, that's not your fault. Leave her to sort that out without leaving footprints all across your back.

ETA I just reread the end of your post where you make it sound like you haven't actually broken up with her??? You act as if you have no control over this situation.

Last edited by BirdieBelle; 08-12-2019 at 10:56 AM..
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Old 08-12-2019, 11:09 AM
 
17 posts, read 4,266 times
Reputation: 30
Thank you for the advice. I know moving in so close to her is bad idea. I'm trying to figure out a solution and I'm gonna keep trying. However, If I don't find a place, I have to move there, which is really terrible. I really don't want to even see her again. Even worse, I don't want to see her hanging out with that guy, that would be so hurtful.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
I'm not here to criticize you.


ETA I just reread the end of your post where you make it sound like you haven't actually broken up with her??? You act as if you have no control over this situation.

I did break up with her but she said that she has somethings to get off her chest. she didn't talk much when we broke up, she just kept apologizing. But I really don't want to see her again and I'm gonna tell her that. Is it fair that I don't want to meet her and let her get things off her chest?
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Old 08-12-2019, 11:14 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,778 posts, read 42,398,909 times
Reputation: 84444
Quote:
Originally Posted by leboss12345 View Post

Is it fair that I don't want to meet her and let her get things off her chest?
YES it's fair ... beyond fair.

You are not obligated to sit there and listen while she tries to work some public relations magic on the way she's been treating you (the way you've allowed her to treat you) over the past several months.

PLEASE do take this as a learning experience and a reminder to LISTEN TO YOUR GUT.

People say a LOT of things. That's why you have to pay attention to their actions. Her actions TOLD you what was up, yet you allowed her to make you question yourself.

Do NOT set yourself up for that again. She had her chance to speak her piece. If she asks again, just tell her you don't think meeting up is a good idea, and that you want to move forward.

Besides, when most people say, "I want us to be friends..." after a breakup, they mostly mean, "I don't want you to be mean to me."

This is your chance to just be neutral, but you have to actively work to keep from putting yourself in her path from now on. Look for another place to live.
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Old 08-12-2019, 11:29 AM
 
17 posts, read 4,266 times
Reputation: 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
YES it's fair ... beyond fair.

You are not obligated to sit there and listen while she tries to work some public relations magic on the way she's been treating you (the way you've allowed her to treat you) over the past several months.

PLEASE do take this as a learning experience and a reminder to LISTEN TO YOUR GUT.

People say a LOT of things. That's why you have to pay attention to their actions. Her actions TOLD you what was up, yet you allowed her to make you question yourself.

Do NOT set yourself up for that again. She had her chance to speak her piece. If she asks again, just tell her you don't think meeting up is a good idea, and that you want to move forward.

Besides, when most people say, "I want us to be friends..." after a breakup, they mostly mean, "I don't want you to be mean to me."

This is your chance to just be neutral, but you have to actively work to keep from putting yourself in her path from now on. Look for another place to live.
I appreciate your advice BirdieBelle, you have commented on every post and you already told me everything that you listed above but I didn't listen. I was just so in love with her that I was blinded and I will not let anyone treat me like that ever again. It has definitely been a learning experience. I sincerely appreciate your input.
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Old 08-12-2019, 12:50 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,778 posts, read 42,398,909 times
Reputation: 84444
Quote:
Originally Posted by leboss12345 View Post
I appreciate your advice BirdieBelle, you have commented on every post and you already told me everything that you listed above but I didn't listen. I was just so in love with her that I was blinded and I will not let anyone treat me like that ever again. It has definitely been a learning experience. I sincerely appreciate your input.
I'm really glad you think it's been helpful.

Sometimes we just need someone to back up our choices.
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Old 08-13-2019, 08:06 PM
 
Location: San Antonio/Houston/Tricity
38,513 posts, read 56,315,764 times
Reputation: 90713
Quote:
Originally Posted by leboss12345 View Post
Thank you for the advice. I know moving in so close to her is bad idea. I'm trying to figure out a solution and I'm gonna keep trying. However, If I don't find a place, I have to move there, which is really terrible. I really don't want to even see her again. Even worse, I don't want to see her hanging out with that guy, that would be so hurtful.

I did break up with her but she said that she has somethings to get off her chest. she didn't talk much when we broke up, she just kept apologizing. But I really don't want to see her again and I'm gonna tell her that. Is it fair that I don't want to meet her and let her get things off her chest?
You ARE going to see her again, possibly every day or several times a week. You moved across the street to spy on her, to torture yourself and to try stupid things.
You need to move very far from her, across the town or different town. And is OK that you don't want to meet her and let her get things off her chest. You should move on with your life.
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Old Yesterday, 09:33 AM
 
Location: Northern Virginia
5,130 posts, read 5,462,042 times
Reputation: 12689
Quote:
Originally Posted by leboss12345 View Post
She texted me and said she didn't want to leave it like that and that she had somethings to say. I don't know if I should see her. Any advice on that? Also I already signed a lease and gave a deposit for an apartment that is literally across. I told her that i'm going to break it off but it doesn't seem like its going to happen. its a 6 month lease so it's not too bad. At least its not one year. Is it ok to live across the street from her? or is it worth paying a lot of money to break off the lease. I just got out of grad school and currently looking for a job so I don't have too much money.
Firstly, you should block her from being able to contact you. Don't even bother responding to her request to hear her out - just block her. Let that be your response.

Now, let's talk about this apartment. Does your lease state terms for breaking the lease prior to it's expiration? There's typically a fee to do so but if you can afford it, do it. Even if you have to get a part-time job to pay for it - do it. Does the lease prohibit sub-leasing? Talk to the LL to see if they can work with you. Don't expect them to do so but it doesn't hurt to ask.

Where are you living now? Why can't you stay there?
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