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Yeah that's very true. It still came out of nowhere, though. For her to say/do all the stuff I detailed in my OP, and act EXTREMELY interested on/after the first two dates, then suddenly lose interest completely just doesn't make sense to me.
I thought venting and getting some advice would make me feel better but I'm just feeling worse about it. And trying to talk to new women is making me feel worse as well. It's like no matter what I do I just can't get away from the misery.
As for it coming out of the blue, she may have been trying to behave herself into believing. It's not uncommon for people to be on their "best behavior," so to speak, in those early days, and she likely knows that putting on a good show is part of it, especially if she's attention-seeking, which it sounds like she is.
Rather than obsessing about what she did and why, which you may never know, it will serve you better if you spend time analyzing why you feel SO miserable after just a few interactions, and why you proceeded in the face of SO MANY red flags.
As for it coming out of the blue, she may have been trying to behave herself into believing. It's not uncommon for people to be on their "best behavior," so to speak, in those early days, and she likely knows that putting on a good show is part of it, especially if she's attention-seeking, which it sounds like she is.
Rather than obsessing about what she did and why, which you may never know, it will serve you better if you spend time analyzing why you feel SO miserable after just a few interactions, and why you proceeded in the face of SO MANY red flags.
I mean, it was only 3 dates. I feel like she would have just nipped it in the bud after date 1 or 2 if she hadn't been into me from the get-go. Or just ignored/ghosted me. But to the contrary, SHE was initiating contact with ME. I consider myself an attractive man, but she's a beautiful woman and could EASILY get another date/hookup with another attractive man.
To answer your question... I don't know. She was beautiful, fun to go out/hangout with, I personally thought we had a lot in common, I thought I felt a connection/chemistry with her, the sex/sexual chemistry was fantastic and I liked how she would randomly text me dirty things. It was a very short period of time, but for some reason it felt relationshippy and felt "right," and I started to convince myself that she was someone I should hold onto. It felt like we had been seeing each other for months, not days. I've dated a LOT, and I can say with certainty that this is the ONLY time I've ever caught feelings for someone this quick. The only other time I've had feelings this strong for someone is ~8 years ago with a woman 9 years older than me who I dated for 6 months, which ultimately ended badly and devastated me. But even with her, I didn't catch feelings so quickly. Since then I didn't really feel much for anyone I dated, to the point of thinking I'd gone numb (in regards to dating). Then this girl came along and that proved that theory wrong.
Well, this was the first time your gut was trying to warn you:
Quote:
Originally Posted by ColorMeConfused
-We met on Bumble and she gave me her number within a few messages. I mention this because she's one of the most beautiful girls I've ever dated, yet she was instantly and highly interested in me, and gave me her number very easily. Usually girls like this have a ton of options and you can barely even get a response.
You also knew that she had just visited her ex in June. And that she was liking ALL his pix.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ColorMeConfused
SHE was initiating contact with ME.
That's part of it. Gotta get you hooked.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ColorMeConfused
I consider myself an attractive man, but she's a beautiful woman and could EASILY get another date/hookup with another attractive man.
You KEEP mentioning this disclaimer, as if you don't REALLY believe deep down that she would or should choose you, which may explain why you fell so hard.
It felt relationshippy because you were idealizing the hell out of it .. because "holy *** is she hot and she is chasing ME!!"
The girl has hangups. Obviously. Now you know.
But you have to be willing to look at her behavior towards you as a reflection of her relationship with herself rather than any kind of statement about your value as a person. That will help you get unsprung.
Well, this was the first time your gut was trying to warn you:
You also knew that she had just visited her ex in June. And that she was liking ALL his pix.
That's part of it. Gotta get you hooked.
You KEEP mentioning this disclaimer, as if you don't REALLY believe deep down that she would or should choose you, which may explain why you fell so hard.
It felt relationshippy because you were idealizing the hell out of it .. because "holy *** is she hot and she is chasing ME!!"
The girl has hangups. Obviously. Now you know.
But you have to be willing to look at her behavior towards you as a reflection of her relationship with herself rather than any kind of statement about your value as a person. That will help you get unsprung.
Yeah you're right. This'll make me sound bad, but I DO feel like if she wasn't so attractive to me I wouldn't have cared near as much.
Simply put, you were "Jody." She is not broken up with her recently relocated military ex whose posts she is still sure to give likes to. She was nervous and acting dodgy because she was cheating on him. She is not a good person and you dodged a bullet. And almost certainly all she was after was to party and have casual sex.
Textbook rebound. It'll sting for a little bit but you'll be on to the next one soon enough. Think of it as a learning experience.
And turn it into a confidence boost knowing you can get a girl who you thought was previously out of your league
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