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Old 08-13-2019, 05:21 PM
YAZ
 
Location: Phoenix,AZ
7,095 posts, read 11,902,175 times
Reputation: 6316

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Could never figure out why a woman would gravitate toward a man that treated her like crap.
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Old 08-13-2019, 05:30 PM
 
Location: Tyler, TX
714 posts, read 622,026 times
Reputation: 372
I briefly dated one woman whose husband had sexually, physically, and psychologically abused her. To her credit, she seemed fairly chipper about her life, but on the margins she had a few signs. She had some lesbian relationships and I was the first guy she had dated since running away. She was very sexually aggressive in terms of making the first move, and had by far the highest sex drive of any woman I have ever met, including my wife, who is herself well above-average in that regard. She also had generally a “screw it” attitude which was both kinda fun and kinda worrisome, though I can’t guarantee that was related to the abuse (her father has a far more refined version of that quality).
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Old 08-13-2019, 11:39 PM
 
8,358 posts, read 6,103,982 times
Reputation: 5950
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
But you should treat everyone like a human being. Right?

Just because a woman has been abused doesn't mean she has to show un-ending gratitude towards someone who treats her like a human being. Or remain in a relationship with a man who treats her like a human.

This right here is the reason I've never told anyone I was raped. I see now that I made the right decision not to. Men would see me as "damaged goods" and expect me to just be grateful they were acting decent towards me.
I wasn't expecting un-ending gratitude!!! Geez!!!

I mean. What's wrong with not wanting to be treated with hostility or resentment?

I don't even expect to be acknowledged for anything I do. But NOT hating me isn't too much to ask.

She was a long time friend, we known each other for a few years.

So excuse me for wanting something other than outright hatred (I would've loved being ignored even) You have a good day.

Last edited by TJenkins602; 08-13-2019 at 11:50 PM..
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Old Yesterday, 01:24 AM
 
Location: Middle America
36,913 posts, read 42,279,014 times
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Probably.

He would never acknowledge it, though.
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Old Yesterday, 04:19 AM
 
12,388 posts, read 13,680,381 times
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After reading this thread I’m wondering if I actually have.
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Old Yesterday, 05:39 AM
 
2,150 posts, read 591,211 times
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I have often been on the fence about dating someone that's been abused by a previous boyfriend or spouse. It's a yellow flag for me, but sometimes you have to be on the constant look out for triggers. So you have to feel them out on a case-by-case basis to see if they have it managed. Too many of those then I have to move on. Don't want to feel I'm walking on egg shells.

I date a woman that thought that I may pull the same thing an ex wood.

Example: She cooked me dinner. Now me, I'll eat pretty much anything you make for me. She made burritos, but she kept making this fearful look at me while I was eating. I was like "What's wrong?" She goes, "Well, my ex used to throw food at me if he didn't like what I made"...so she thought I may do the same thing. A few instances of those had happened in other situations and it kept piling on, and it just kept causing issues.

She should have seen somebody instead of letting it fester.
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Old Yesterday, 05:55 AM
 
Location: Coastal Georgia
37,267 posts, read 45,968,174 times
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Unless the woman is in continuing therapy, and wants to get healed, I would not pursue the relationship.

It is not up to you to fix her, and you are not qualified to do so.
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Old Yesterday, 06:23 AM
 
7,750 posts, read 3,042,560 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa View Post
Probably.

He would never acknowledge it, though.
Yeah, it’s not just women, that’s for sure. No one feels like “putting it all out there” for observation and dissection. They probably don’t want any more speculation or doubt than they’ve already endured, from themself or others.

I’ve heard of, known people to be accused of “instigating” the abuse, so I’m sure if that’s ever happened they don’t feel like bringing it up again. Who wants to give another that power, to judge and be able to use it against them, especially at times when hey don’t feel like discussing it.

The question could really be: Has anyone dated someone who’s actually told you they were sexually abused.
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Old Yesterday, 06:24 AM
 
679 posts, read 477,787 times
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The advice I wished my parents gave me when I was younger is to look for a wife that is least damaged as possible, like if she has a stable family with her parents still married that would be a bonus. If she suffered sexual molestation or unstable family that would be a negative.
I probably would have not listened anyway but the more problems she had growing up the more problems you are going to have in your relationship.
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Old Yesterday, 06:27 AM
 
7,750 posts, read 3,042,560 times
Reputation: 12773
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123 View Post
I have often been on the fence about dating someone that's been abused by a previous boyfriend or spouse. It's a yellow flag for me, but sometimes you have to be on the constant look out for triggers. So you have to feel them out on a case-by-case basis to see if they have it managed. Too many of those then I have to move on. Don't want to feel I'm walking on egg shells.

I date a woman that thought that I may pull the same thing an ex wood.

Example: She cooked me dinner. Now me, I'll eat pretty much anything you make for me. She made burritos, but she kept making this fearful look at me while I was eating. I was like "What's wrong?" She goes, "Well, my ex used to throw food at me if he didn't like what I made"...so she thought I may do the same thing. A few instances of those had happened in other situations and it kept piling on, and it just kept causing issues.

She should have seen somebody instead of letting it fester.
Sexual abuse has some different outward signs than being scared of flying food though.
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