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Old 08-14-2019, 06:34 AM
 
2,151 posts, read 592,192 times
Reputation: 1408

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Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL View Post
Sexual abuse has some different outward signs than being scared of flying food though.
Was just giving an example, I could name others. My point was, she was always waiting for the other shoe to fall.
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Old 08-14-2019, 12:05 PM
 
Location: Texas
10,031 posts, read 3,845,244 times
Reputation: 20412
Quote:
Originally Posted by TJenkins602 View Post
I wasn't expecting un-ending gratitude!!! Geez!!!

I mean. What's wrong with not wanting to be treated with hostility or resentment?
.
Perhaps she was hostile because she realized you felt she wasn't an actual human being, that she was just "damaged goods" and was lucky that you were treating her like a human. You should treat everyone like a human, including those who have been raped, battered or molested. Women can pick up on these attitudes from men. She did the right thing to not pursue this relationship.
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Old 08-14-2019, 12:19 PM
 
Location: Coastal Georgia
37,277 posts, read 45,978,538 times
Reputation: 62086
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
Perhaps she was hostile because she realized you felt she wasn't an actual human being, that she was just "damaged goods" and was lucky that you were treating her like a human. You should treat everyone like a human, including those who have been raped, battered or molested. Women can pick up on these attitudes from men. She did the right thing to not pursue this relationship.
The thing is though, she has been damaged. It’s not her fault, but it is up to her to get help to work through it. Unless she does, this guy is doomed to always be walking on eggshells.
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Old 08-14-2019, 12:34 PM
 
22 posts, read 2,483 times
Reputation: 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
Perhaps she was hostile because she realized you felt she wasn't an actual human being, that she was just "damaged goods" and was lucky that you were treating her like a human. You should treat everyone like a human, including those who have been raped, battered or molested. Women can pick up on these attitudes from men. She did the right thing to not pursue this relationship.
I’m sorry you had to go through something awful but I don’t think the poster you responded to is not looking at her as a human being

What he’s saying is some woman who are abused when you treat them well they don’t know how to react and some push you away because all their used to is being mistreated

He’s not blaming them he’s just stating that these are issues with a lot of woman who’ve been abused that can’t be resolved without therapy
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Old 08-14-2019, 01:06 PM
 
Location: Texas
10,031 posts, read 3,845,244 times
Reputation: 20412
Quote:
Originally Posted by gentlearts View Post
The thing is though, she has been damaged. It’s not her fault, but it is up to her to get help to work through it. Unless she does, this guy is doomed to always be walking on eggshells.
He's probably walking on eggshells because she is not interested in having a relationship with him. Even so-called "damaged" women can be picky and choosy about the men they want in their life. They don't have to just take any man who comes along who treats them decently.
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Old 08-14-2019, 01:22 PM
 
14,238 posts, read 7,611,520 times
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I have but I didn't know it for a few months. That's not something anyone I know would disclose on a first date.
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Old 08-14-2019, 02:27 PM
 
8,594 posts, read 7,214,900 times
Reputation: 9059
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
He's probably walking on eggshells because she is not interested in having a relationship with him. Even so-called "damaged" women can be picky and choosy about the men they want in their life. They don't have to just take any man who comes along who treats them decently.
This is getting weird.

It’s ok to not like people, even so called “damaged” people if their actions have negative effects or repercussions on the people around them. It has nothing to do with someone’s willingness to see or treat them as people. It’s ok to not want to be involved with someone who is going through something you don’t want to place yourself in the middle of. This doesn’t mean you inherently now treat them like second rate humans because of it.
There are many aspects to a person. you can like portions of a person and hate others, but if someone’s behavior(no matter the reasonings for them) inhibits or hinders they ability to be close to them in ways that build meaning and purpose between you. The whole circumstance becomes fundamentally broken.

This action with or without the context of sexual abuse is what ultimately leads us all to being “picky and choosy” over who we surround ourselves with, who we give our trusts in and what types of relationships we seek with the different people surrounding us.
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Old 08-14-2019, 05:08 PM
 
661 posts, read 341,819 times
Reputation: 483
With one or two guys I dated or talked to there seemed to be emotional incest with their mothers. Their mothers were too clingy, a history of treating them more like boyfriends or husbands than sons. I dont know if there was a physical part, doubt it but the emotional part is also destructive. It goes beyond being a mamas boy. Their mothers had a vice grip on their balls, everything they did or thought had to be run past mama.

These men were undateable ime.

Im also a sexual abuse victim but I wont discuss it here. Too trigger.
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Old Yesterday, 04:40 AM
 
12,906 posts, read 10,078,382 times
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Someone posted up thread about not telling people about abuse. I don't. They wind up with so many weird attitudes and try to attribute anything and everything they don't like to the abuse.
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Old Yesterday, 12:28 PM
 
Location: Texas
10,031 posts, read 3,845,244 times
Reputation: 20412
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
Someone posted up thread about not telling people about abuse. I don't. They wind up with so many weird attitudes and try to attribute anything and everything they don't like to the abuse.
I have noticed the same thing. They will attribute anything to the past abuse, when there's really no connection at all.
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