U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old Yesterday, 12:38 PM
 
12,906 posts, read 10,078,382 times
Reputation: 16484

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by rego00123 View Post
This is getting weird.

It’s ok to not like people, even so called “damaged” people if their actions have negative effects or repercussions on the people around them. It has nothing to do with someone’s willingness to see or treat them as people.
Here's where I think I get the poster to whom you are replying. (Correct me where I am wrong, poster whose handle I have already forgotten.) The truth is that the OP is determining why this person he dated responded the way she did. And he is ASSuming it is because... well, she is, after all, "damaged goods" in his mind. What would a person do if they were being kept at bay but did not know about the sexual violence? I am betting $5 million I don't have that it looks a lot different than what they do when they do assume that sexual violence is the cause of the behavior that they don't like. And I call it behavior that they don't like because that is all it is. There are an infinite number of reasons a person would be emotionally chilly. Being distant might be a good thing FOR THEM.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old Yesterday, 12:42 PM
 
12,906 posts, read 10,078,382 times
Reputation: 16484
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
I have noticed the same thing. They will attribute anything to the past abuse, when there's really no connection at all.
The attitude I have come across is a weird mix of thinking that I should be incredibly grateful to have this amazingly mediocre guy around because I am so damaged and thinking I don't act right because I am so damaged. I HAVE actually told guys before just to find out of they were *******s ... ahem similarly confused in their thinking.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Yesterday, 12:55 PM
 
22 posts, read 2,483 times
Reputation: 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
Here's where I think I get the poster to whom you are replying. (Correct me where I am wrong, poster whose handle I have already forgotten.) The truth is that the OP is determining why this person he dated responded the way she did. And he is ASSuming it is because... well, she is, after all, "damaged goods" in his mind. What would a person do if they were being kept at bay but did not know about the sexual violence? I am betting $5 million I don't have that it looks a lot different than what they do when they do assume that sexual violence is the cause of the behavior that they don't like. And I call it behavior that they don't like because that is all it is. There are an infinite number of reasons a person would be emotionally chilly. Being distant might be a good thing FOR THEM.
What are you talking about? First off she wasn’t referring to me.

Secondly this somebody I’m seeing not somebody who blew me off for a date.

Lastly I said nothing close to she or abused woman are damaged goods.

I blamed sexual abuse on her actions because she told me that’s why she’s been with a lot of abusive men in the past. And why she needs to cut off from people for a few days at a time.

It’s pretty common knowledge if you listen to professionals that most people who’ve been sexually abused need to get extensive therapy to ever fully get over the trauma.

This is not blaming them nor calling them damaged goods at all its simply stating most need help to get over traumatic events in their life:
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Yesterday, 04:24 PM
 
Location: Texas
10,031 posts, read 3,845,244 times
Reputation: 20412
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
The attitude I have come across is a weird mix of thinking that I should be incredibly grateful to have this amazingly mediocre guy around because I am so damaged and thinking I don't act right because I am so damaged. .
This is the same attitude I've noticed also. It's why I didn't want to tell anyone about my experience. I did tell one man i knew but only a year after we went out, (we were no longer dating) and I ran into him out somewhere. I told him because the person who raped me was his boss at work. I wanted him to know what kind of person he worked for.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Yesterday, 04:28 PM
 
12,906 posts, read 10,078,382 times
Reputation: 16484
Quote:
Originally Posted by Greg78 View Post
What are you talking about? First off she wasn’t referring to me.

Secondly this somebody I’m seeing not somebody who blew me off for a date.

Lastly I said nothing close to she or abused woman are damaged goods.

I blamed sexual abuse on her actions because she told me that’s why she’s been with a lot of abusive men in the past. And why she needs to cut off from people for a few days at a time.

It’s pretty common knowledge if you listen to professionals that most people who’ve been sexually abused need to get extensive therapy to ever fully get over the trauma.

This is not blaming them nor calling them damaged goods at all its simply stating most need help to get over traumatic events in their life:
Must have mistaken in my reading. Sorry.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Yesterday, 04:32 PM
 
26,280 posts, read 28,724,971 times
Reputation: 25106
Quote:
Originally Posted by YAZ View Post
Could never figure out why a woman would gravitate toward a man that treated her like crap.
We gravitate toward what's familiar, not what's good for us.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Yesterday, 04:34 PM
 
26,280 posts, read 28,724,971 times
Reputation: 25106
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
But you should treat everyone like a human being. Right?

Just because a woman has been abused doesn't mean she has to show un-ending gratitude towards someone who treats her like a human being. Or remain in a relationship with a man who treats her like a human.

This right here is the reason I've never told anyone I was raped. I see now that I made the right decision not to. Men would see me as "damaged goods" and expect me to just be grateful they were acting decent towards me.
Unfortunately, your overreaction here shows that maybe hiding the fact that you were raped isn't working.

Last edited by mysticaltyger; Yesterday at 04:42 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Yesterday, 04:37 PM
 
26,280 posts, read 28,724,971 times
Reputation: 25106
Quote:
Originally Posted by Greg78 View Post
I’m sorry you had to go through something awful but I don’t think the poster you responded to is not looking at her as a human being
Agreed.

You're projecting, PriscillaVanilla.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Yesterday, 05:08 PM
 
8,359 posts, read 6,107,873 times
Reputation: 5950
Quote:
Originally Posted by mysticaltyger View Post
Agreed.

You're projecting, PriscillaVanilla.
In all fairness, she does have a point. No one is entitled to anything for any reason.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Yesterday, 06:03 PM
 
2,189 posts, read 1,726,794 times
Reputation: 2771
Quote:
Originally Posted by Greg78 View Post
If so what signs did they show that it still affected them and did it hurt your relationship?

I’ve been seeing someone who was molested as a child by their uncle and grandfather. She’s a really sweet person but there’s so much baggage because of it.

She gets ptsd a lot and has to disconnect from people for a few days. She gets big mood swings. She says I’m the first person she’s been with whos treated her well and she seems uncomfortable at times with being treated well.

Seems like she was drawn to guys who were verbally abusive to her and dangerous guys like drug dealers.

I don’t know how much more I can take but I feel guilty leaving her because of what she’s been through.
It's fine for you to have empathy and patience. But don't tolerate being treated like a criminal or threat, because she can't separate you or anyone other male from whomever mistreated her.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top