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Old 08-14-2019, 08:49 AM
 
13,098 posts, read 10,136,943 times
Reputation: 16624

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Quote:
Originally Posted by HokieFan View Post
I also think there's something underlying here but I don't know what.

It's odd to me that she would dump OP over this. If she felt that strongly about visiting or staying short term in the Bronx, she could have simply said "I'll check in daily via phone/facetime/text but I won't be able to take care of you while you're recovering." instead of just totally washing her hands of him.
He refers to telling "his side" and wishes that she were here to tell hers. I would bet a dollar she already told him hers and he is not sharing, perhaps because he can't "get it" internally.
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Old 08-14-2019, 09:08 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
79,347 posts, read 71,628,818 times
Reputation: 77654
Quote:
Originally Posted by Verifiedcheckmark View Post
Of course thier is a big piece of the story missing. Like a court room. You need two sides of a story in order to paint the picture of what is really going on. My recovery is about 2 to 3 weeks.
Right. So, two weeks is nothing. She can "visit" you by phone, and you'll be back in action in a couple of weeks. Not a big deal. Or shouldn't be.
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Old 08-14-2019, 09:11 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
79,347 posts, read 71,628,818 times
Reputation: 77654
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carly1983 View Post
I don't understand why she would dump you over this. It's controlling behaviour. You should recover where you feel comfortable and she should be able to accept that. I also thought the statement "I asked my girlfriend if I can heal in my apartment" was revealing. You shouldn't be asking her if it's OK to convalesce where you want to...she should be on board with what is best for you at this time. If she's not, I'm guessing there are bigger problems in the relationship that she's dumping you over. Either that or she's controlling and you're better off out of it.
Me, too. When you're having surgery and recovering, you don't ask permission to stay in your own home for the recovery. You tell your loved ones your plans, and they support you, if they truly care about you. There's something wrong with the picture, if the patient needs to beg his SO for permission to convalesce in his own home, near his Doc and pharmacy and family.
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Old 08-15-2019, 08:25 AM
 
2,920 posts, read 5,077,125 times
Reputation: 7006
Here's the picture I'm getting. She's motivated, educated, articulate. She's at a stage in her life where she's ready for stability and to settle down. But she's with a guy who is not those things -- not as articulate or educated, not motivated, job hops, and lives in a sketchy part of the NY area, where a shooting didn't raise any eyebrows. I think she's just had enough and was (maybe unconsciously) picking a fight as a way out. I mean, cripes, it's only 2-3 weeks. It just feels "off."
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Old 08-15-2019, 09:58 AM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
8,195 posts, read 4,997,972 times
Reputation: 29947
What I got out of all the confusion in the OP:

1. He wants her to be his caregiver. But he also wants his family to visit and for it to be convenient for them. GF's place is not convenient.

2. She wants to be his caregiver. But only at her place because a) she's working on her PhD and apparently goes into the city for that and b) his neighborhood is sketchy and terrifies her.

My take:

OP, you can't go 2-3 weeks without seeing your family? You'd lose your girlfriend over this? Sounds like maybe you two shouldn't be together anyway. She's goal-oriented. You're not. She wants to live in a safe area. You don't. Definite mismatch.

(Yes, I know you can't respond.)
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Old 08-15-2019, 11:40 AM
 
1,213 posts, read 827,814 times
Reputation: 2343
I have a similar story. I’m from Long iasland and met a girl in northwest NJ back in 1993. It was a 10 mile drive, so somehow, I wound up staying at her house every other weekend. I was 32 and she 28. We both worked full time. Both of us lived at home at the time but both were out on their own previously.

I’m not going to go into all the details but I had to have back surgery in Feb 95 from two prior accidents. She came to visit me when I got out of the hospital. I couldn’t walk for a while and it was a 6 month recovery. During that time, she called from work, whispering, and said that she needed to know right that second that we were getting married and having a baby that year. I told her that I couldn’t even walk. I would not make any plans until I was better. She called back again and repeated the request. She was turning 30 and she had to be married and pregnant that year. I said there was no way I could guarantee that until I was fully recovered. Plus, I was a licensed insurance broker in NY and wouldn’t be licensed in NJ, and what would I do? She just said she needed to know now. I could not answer. Third call, same request. I told her that she is starting to sound like a desperate old maid. Click! That was it.

Nobody gives me an ultimatum. She got married that year to her high school boyfriend, who she broke off two engagements with in the past. He was back in town so I guess she could fall back on him. In the end, she called me a few years later hoping I was still available. Turns out he as hot headed, never worked, left her for six months at a time with their kid. Let this one go. No loss.
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Old 08-20-2019, 01:50 PM
 
Location: North Idaho
22,996 posts, read 29,276,173 times
Reputation: 44809
Quote:
Originally Posted by Verifiedcheckmark View Post
............to deny me of my wish as someone that is sick and looking to recover is wrong. .............
No, sorry. Being ill does not turn you into the center of the universe where your every wish is as the word of god.

Seriously, if you tried to pull that sort of control crap on me, I'd be gone, too.
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Old 08-22-2019, 06:04 AM
 
Location: London, U.K.
2,945 posts, read 3,330,072 times
Reputation: 1620
Women despise weakness in men, you are not healthy so shes used it as an excuse to break up and move on.
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Old 08-22-2019, 08:40 AM
 
1,213 posts, read 827,814 times
Reputation: 2343
Your theory is incorrect for any healthy relationship and definitely not in my case. This woman broke off engagements with two other men as soon as her high school sweetheart came back in town. He was gone for years. Apparently, he came back, which gave her the balls to do what she did. So, she did it. And she been miserable ever since. He was a loser and still is. They lost their house and had to move to her parents ski resort rental. He left her many, many times for six moths at a time. She had no money to raise her child. So, this had nothing to do with me.
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Old 08-22-2019, 08:51 AM
 
1,194 posts, read 496,575 times
Reputation: 1540
If this woman is willing to drop relationship ending ultimatums over where you, a person who just had surgery, must heal yourself to get her way, then you're in for an extremely garbage life with an irrational and selfish person.


Your comfort and access to doctors and medicine is not a priority to her. Only her wants are.


She is 100% wrong and she sounds just awful.
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