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Old Yesterday, 08:56 AM
 
161 posts, read 25,356 times
Reputation: 64

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I want to make this story short, but its going to be long and deep.

I'm young mid 30s man living in New York City area. In the past couple of months I had health issues that had to be addressed and currently addressing them. During this health ordeal my girlfriend has been by my side even though I don't request her to be their. Prior to my health issue, me and my girlfriend have been a couple for 2 years. She was in her mid 30s, and I was in my early 30s when we met. We are both childless. She is more career driven, while I just float from job to job. She is more educated than I am due to her pursuing a PhD, while I'm stuck with a BA from a public university system. Other than that we do care for each other. After one year being together, she pushed and insisted for marriage, and for us to move in together, but I felt that it was too soon, however she needs marriage now and a secure environment due to her being in her mid 30s and procreation years waning fast.

When I had a health scare in the past couple of months. CT scans revealed I had a cyst or mass in my kidney which had to be removed. During the process of my upcoming surgery. I asked my girlfriend if I can heal in my apartment, or do partial healing and recovery in my apartment and complete rest of the process in NJ. My girlfriend objected to my recovery in my apartment and preferred to have my recovery in NJ, which is far from my hospital, far from my doctor, and very far from my pharmacy, and far from my family to visit. I have a full apartment, while she only has a studio, recovery in either dwelling styles has its positives and negatives. Right now I'm at my weakest point due to my upcoming surgery, and family members support the idea of me being home for my recovery, while they can visit, but also my girlfriend being at my mom assisting in caring duties, that's what I want also. But my girlfriend prefers me being in NJ, and having my medication shipped to NJ, or to be abled to be picked up in Manhattan near Penn Station so that she can pick them up and bring them back to NJ. In the past week an issue came up if I preferred to do recovery in my area of NYC known as the Bronx. She is done with me, and it will be up to my family to assist with my recovery needs, mind you both my parents are dead. Siblings will assist with my needs if needed. I really wanted to go home, but my girlfriend at the time pulled an ultimatum card at me if I went back home to the Bronx for recovery, we are finished as an item.

Generally when people are sick and not feeling well, we do our best to grant the sick persons wishes which will help with their recovery granted that it does not compromise doctors orders of recovery. Being in Bronx does not compromise doctors recovery orders. But being in the Bronx compromises my girlfriend safety. 2 months ago, their was a shooting, 300 meters from where I live, and that set my girlfriend off, her anxiety went through the roof with convulsions and hyperventilating which I never saw before. And because of the shooting in my neighborhood. she does not want to go back there. I'm not sure if she ever heard gun shots before. I even insisted on moving to NJ to be with her after my health issues are fully fixed and dealt by the end of summer. After my hospital stay I decided to go to NJ to do the recovery just to appease her. But I wanted to go home as well so family can visit me, and my brother came in to visit me and partake in my recovery as well. During the past 24 hours. My GF got upset with me and told me to go home, and I went home and it was over.

Who is in the right or wrong here? I would like to hear the opinions answers from women.
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Old Yesterday, 09:08 AM
 
Location: Coastal Georgia
37,252 posts, read 45,958,638 times
Reputation: 62038
I find your post confusing, but I think you are saying you want to convalesce at your apartment, with your gf and your family helping, but she wants you to go to her apartment, which is far away from your doctors, because she doesn’t like your neighborhood?

You should convalesce where you feel the most comfortable. If that is your apartment, and you’ll have your siblings and others to help you, then do that. She sounds like a nut who is not putting your needs first. When you are healed and back on your feet, you should reevaluate the relationship. It doesn’t sound like she’s a keeper.
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Old Yesterday, 09:27 AM
 
8,230 posts, read 5,390,596 times
Reputation: 9448
Your girlfriend seems extremely irrational.

You are probably better off as her ultimatum is very extreme and 1 sided.
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Old Yesterday, 09:28 AM
 
3,818 posts, read 3,040,824 times
Reputation: 7704
Ultimatums are rarely warranted and typically ill-advised. This situation is no different. You're recovering from an illness and it's the appropriate time to cater to your own needs rather than the needs of others, including your (ex?)girlfriend.
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Old Yesterday, 09:34 AM
 
161 posts, read 25,356 times
Reputation: 64
Quote:
Originally Posted by gentlearts View Post
I find your post confusing, but I think you are saying you want to convalesce at your apartment, with your gf and your family helping, but she wants you to go to her apartment, which is far away from your doctors, because she doesn’t like your neighborhood?

You should convalesce where you feel the most comfortable. If that is your apartment, and you’ll have your siblings and others to help you, then do that. She sounds like a nut who is not putting your needs first. When you are healed and back on your feet, you should reevaluate the relationship. It doesn’t sound like she’s a keeper.
Sorry about that. Sever pain medication is hindering my typing skills at the moment so forgive me. Thank you for your input. I still lover and care for her though. I will reevaluate the relationship when I fully heal back. Again thank you I will give you a reputation point.
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Old Yesterday, 09:35 AM
 
161 posts, read 25,356 times
Reputation: 64
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Ryu View Post
Your girlfriend seems extremely irrational.

You are probably better off as her ultimatum is very extreme and 1 sided.
Very. Btw its me Bronxguyanese. Thank you for your input.
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Old Yesterday, 09:47 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,233 posts, read 17,572,706 times
Reputation: 42111
Quote:
Originally Posted by gentlearts View Post
I find your post confusing, but I think you are saying you want to convalesce at your apartment, with your gf and your family helping, but she wants you to go to her apartment, which is far away from your doctors, because she doesn’t like your neighborhood?

You should convalesce where you feel the most comfortable. If that is your apartment, and you’ll have your siblings and others to help you, then do that. She sounds like a nut who is not putting your needs first. When you are healed and back on your feet, you should reevaluate the relationship. It doesn’t sound like she’s a keeper.
I agree. Get well soon.
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Old Yesterday, 09:51 AM
 
Location: Toronto
353 posts, read 79,841 times
Reputation: 297
Yup.. she's exhibiting signs of obsessive controlling behavior and possibly mental illness. I think you should not be someone long-term. Plus, she wants to settle down asap for marriage. Stop wasting her time.
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Old Yesterday, 09:54 AM
 
1,256 posts, read 382,213 times
Reputation: 4002
There isn't necessarily a right or a wrong to this from what I gather from your rather hard to decipher post. She's terrified of your neighborhood. You don't want to leave your nearby relatives. Call it a draw.
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Old Yesterday, 09:59 AM
 
737 posts, read 249,279 times
Reputation: 2234
I agree that from what is posted here, it seems as though your GF is being a jerk. That said, there are some other details that might change my opinion. Was the expectation that she would be your full-time caregiver? Would she be commuting to/from work/school while caring for you? If so, then maybe it does make more sense to stay at her place.

But if she dumped you over wanting to go home? Sounds like you had other issues going into this, maybe stemming to the lack of marriage, commitment, etc.

I'm sorry, and I hope you heal and feel better soon!
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