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Old 08-15-2019, 10:00 AM
 
Location: Colorado
12,243 posts, read 7,495,337 times
Reputation: 21976

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Metaphysique View Post
Right!? Like I was telling my husband last night, we all determine what holds value, meaning, purpose, etc. Iíd pay $500 for a top of the line authentic cosplay costume. My husband and I collect Hot Toys figures that are known to cost several hundred dollars and then some and Iíve paid a few hundred on custom lightsabers. Iíll pay a pretty sum for the things I like. Iím looking at spa day packages for my birthday coming up and packages at some of the spas downtown run $300+ for a one hour luxury facial and one hour massage of my choice. But Iíll pay it. I *could* do my own facial and get cheaper massage elsewhere, but thatís not what I want to pay for.

Itís fine if priorities donít line up. We all have our own taste, priorities, and preferences. I donít currently live anywhere offering two and three star Michelin Guide luxury dining experiences. Iíd have to travel 80 miles to SF to get that kind of experience, and the men in my dating pool were the type to suggest a nice place to eat, say, Ruthís Chris or Brazilian BBQ, so a $400 tab would definitely be outside the norm for me, and Iíd raise an eyebrow at first, but hey, if he has the money to spend on such an experience, hypothetically speaking, Iím game.
Yeah, this sort of stuff. It's not that I think it's terrible that a person who can afford to do so, wants to spend what seems like a lot, to me, of money on a meal. It's more like...not only is that not the choice I would make, but it would feel like I am with someone incompatible. It would be just as inappropriate for me as if a guy wanted to take me to a rodeo on a date. Some women would love that, I am just not one of them. There are just so many experiences I'd rather have, and since most of them cost way less, that makes it feel even more wasteful.

I'd be so much happier if a dude packed some sandwiches and we went hiking. Or to an art walk event, or a little local concert or open mic night.

Just a matter of personal preferences and priorities.

Because one thing I do think is more or less across the board... The most appreciated gestures are those that say, "I was paying attention when you told me that you liked <whatever> and I am surprising you with an evening of <whatever> because I know what you like." That makes people feel special, feel heard and understood.

I do expect a male partner of mine to know, by a certain point, things about me like which kinds of food in general I will and won't eat, the fact that I hate gold and diamonds but I love expensive chocolate, and that I would rather get a single long stemmed red rose, than a dozen of them. The fact that I can be charmed at any time by an unusual fridge magnet, a cool jigsaw puzzle, unusually patterned socks, or anything with an octopus or a dragon on it. I feel like, familiarizing yourself with your partner's idiosyncrasies is part of showing them that you care enough to pay attention. That, to me, is the most romantic thing of all.

 
Old 08-15-2019, 10:03 AM
 
6,406 posts, read 6,158,473 times
Reputation: 3656
It will depend on the woman. She can either not accept to go to that place knowing she cannot afford it or simply doesn't feel its right or she will jump for joy, brag about it with her friends, post all these pictures on her instragram to show off, feel entitled, etc.
 
Old 08-15-2019, 10:09 AM
 
Location: The Triad (NC)
28,815 posts, read 62,875,911 times
Reputation: 32795
Quote:
Originally Posted by BigCityDreamer View Post
Suppose you are having dinner with a woman at a 5-star restaurant where the entrees are $200.
Is she going to think you are doing this only because you want guaranteed intimacy from her?
She'll think you're a fool to spend at that level before you actually have a relationship (incl sex).
 
Old 08-15-2019, 10:10 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
79,328 posts, read 71,580,807 times
Reputation: 77609
Quote:
Originally Posted by onihC View Post
It will depend on the woman. She can either not accept to go to that place knowing she cannot afford it or simply doesn't feel its right or she will jump for joy, brag about it with her friends, post all these pictures on her instragram to show off, feel entitled, etc.
You do realize, don't you, that there's a happy medium between those extremes? And that there are women who would handle it just fine, taking it right in stride...?

Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 08-15-2019 at 11:17 AM..
 
Old 08-15-2019, 10:20 AM
 
Location: La lune et les ťtoiles
17,690 posts, read 19,173,622 times
Reputation: 19038
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
I make a six figure income. It is a big deal to me.
The "six figures" income comments don't really mean anything because $100,000 is still very much middle income versus $999,999 which is vastly different.
 
Old 08-15-2019, 10:42 AM
 
Location: So Cal
40,750 posts, read 40,325,264 times
Reputation: 42188
Too bad that there wasn't a poll put up. In just sorta skimming the thread it looks like the majority of women find it ranging from no biggie to little odd.

I think only a couple were totally ok with it, no big deal and made no assumptions that he expected a booty digestif. I could be wrong, like I said, just skimming.
 
Old 08-15-2019, 10:43 AM
 
14,360 posts, read 7,670,501 times
Reputation: 26248
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
I make a six figure income. It is a big deal to me.

That's like saying "I'm a millionaire". A $1 million net worth might have been a big deal 40 years ago. With inflation, it's barely financially secure. $100k income is paycheck-to-paycheck in the high cost of living places. In Silicon Valley, you'd have roommates.


This is really about lifestyle and disposable income. If you're truly high income and have north of 6 figures of disposable income after the bills are paid, a $500 dinner isn't a big deal. If your disposable income is $20k/year, you'd feel the same way about picking up the tab on a $75 dinner. It's all relative.
 
Old 08-15-2019, 10:46 AM
 
7,131 posts, read 1,539,800 times
Reputation: 17602
Have we really become that jaded?

35 years ago, my (now) husband took me to a very romantic and very expensive (for him back then) restaurant for our first date, and I was just very pleased and flattered. It didn't even occur to me that he had any other motives than just wanting our first "real" date* to be very special -- and nothing was expected on either of our parts. Now we had been friends for 2 1/2 years before that, however, so I don't know if that had any bearing on anything, but all I know is that it was very special and memorable.


*We had done things together as friends before then, such as going on bicycle rides together or just for a walk on the beach, but that was just as friends.
 
Old 08-15-2019, 11:19 AM
 
6,406 posts, read 6,158,473 times
Reputation: 3656
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
You do realize, don't you, that there's a happy medium between those extremes? And that there are women who would handle it just fine, taking it right in stride...?
After going through the comments I only saw those saying they wouldn't dare go to such a dinner as they are so nice, how bad it is to go to such places and so on so I brought up the other kind of women nobody mentioned. Like I said, it depends on the woman.
 
Old 08-15-2019, 11:21 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
79,328 posts, read 71,580,807 times
Reputation: 77609
Quote:
Originally Posted by BigCityDreamer View Post
People obviously do dine out at very expensive restaurants, right? So, it was a simple question about whether this was appropriate to do on a date.

Say that a man is attracted to a woman and wants to make her feel very special. That kind of a situation. For a man who makes a 6-figure income, spending a few hundred dollars on dinner for a special lady isn't that big of a deal.
Thanks for responding. It really does help, OP, to have more info about the context of an inquiry like yours. As you must know, we get all kinds of posters here....

I think a $100 plate would make me feel special enough. $200 is overkill, and just plain unnecnecessary. And no, it wouldn't cross my mind that someone were trying to "buy" me.
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