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Old 08-18-2019, 03:58 PM
 
Location: Crook County, Illinois
3,624 posts, read 1,672,814 times
Reputation: 4589

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Another thing I'd like to add. The OP's date's actions could have been not a concern about health, but a dominance test. She wanted to see how he reacts when she pushes his buttons or dishes out criticism. "Healthy eating" was merely a convenient pretext. And if the OP ordered arugula salad with raspberry vinaigrette and chia seeds, she'd have criticized his clothes. Either way, her goal is the same: to test him for dominance.

Lucky for the OP, he ultimately passed her tests. He didn't try to justify his choices, he didn't make excuses. Granted, he should have stood his ground a little better: that is, immediately stood up, threw his portion of the bill on the table, told her he never wanted to see her again, and walked away. But he did everything much better than the submissive men his date was trying to screen out.
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Old 08-18-2019, 04:03 PM
 
Location: San Diego
1,214 posts, read 444,726 times
Reputation: 2534
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bearsdad View Post
I go out to dinner with someone i met and i thought she seemed nice...until i order my meal. Outback Steakhouse and I order a steak with mashed potatoes and green beans. OMG she squeals, you can't do that, you ordered three starches! WTF? I just look at her. Then, she tells the waitress, he wants a salad instead of green beans. I am speechless.
Then i get the lecture that always lights me up... a man your age shouldn't eat like that and goes on to tell me how i should eat. The bottom of my 22 ouncer came fast.

Normally i would have paid and walked but i was hungry. So i decide to see if i can **** her off. I tell her i am a grown man and can eat what i want. She goes on a tirade about healthy eating. I laugh. When dinner is over and we are walking out, she says, next time i am taking you someplace healthy. Hahaha I say, sorry honey, there will not be a next time. Oh, why not, just because i told you you don't eat healthy? I say yes, have a nice night and hop in the car.

To make the night better she is still belittling me about my eating habits while I am driving away. I have dated healthy eaters before but they have never tried to shove it down my throat like this one.

Any other guys here experienced this? I generally try to stay away from anyone who claims to go to the gym 7 days a week or I know eats nuts and berries because I know there will be a problem. Even though I am a thin guy, they always tell me I should eat healthy and work out. Geez.
Oh she sounds like a peach...a rotten peach but a peach nonetheless. I say give it one more shot and do as you're told.
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Old 08-18-2019, 04:17 PM
 
Location: Moving?!
236 posts, read 58,355 times
Reputation: 321
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bearsdad View Post
I go out to dinner with someone i met and i thought she seemed nice...until i order my meal. Outback Steakhouse and I order a steak with mashed potatoes and green beans. OMG she squeals, you can't do that, you ordered three starches! WTF? I just look at her. Then, she tells the waitress, he wants a salad instead of green beans. I am speechless.
Then i get the lecture that always lights me up... a man your age shouldn't eat like that and goes on to tell me how i should eat. The bottom of my 22 ouncer came fast.

Normally i would have paid and walked but i was hungry. So i decide to see if i can **** her off. I tell her i am a grown man and can eat what i want. She goes on a tirade about healthy eating. I laugh. When dinner is over and we are walking out, she says, next time i am taking you someplace healthy. Hahaha I say, sorry honey, there will not be a next time. Oh, why not, just because i told you you don't eat healthy? I say yes, have a nice night and hop in the car.

To make the night better she is still belittling me about my eating habits while I am driving away. I have dated healthy eaters before but they have never tried to shove it down my throat like this one.

Any other guys here experienced this? I generally try to stay away from anyone who claims to go to the gym 7 days a week or I know eats nuts and berries because I know there will be a problem. Even though I am a thin guy, they always tell me I should eat healthy and work out. Geez.
The part I bolded (changing your order) would cross a line for me, especially since I love green beans. Otherwise, I wonder if this was more of an attempt to make conversation and flirt with / tease you. Especially with the lead up to "next time i am taking you someplace healthy". You were there and I wasn't, so maybe the tone was 100% serious not playful
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Old 08-18-2019, 04:32 PM
 
414 posts, read 104,942 times
Reputation: 831
Quote:
Originally Posted by riffle View Post
The part I bolded (changing your order) would cross a line for me, especially since I love green beans. Otherwise, I wonder if this was more of an attempt to make conversation and flirt with / tease you. Especially with the lead up to "next time i am taking you someplace healthy". You were there and I wasn't, so maybe the tone was 100% serious not playful

Good point. Health nut people know that green beans are as healthy as a salad. Also, it's all in the way she said things, tone of voice. Serious tone of voice, or a hint of playfulness. If she was super serious like he is killing himself, then she is a off the scale nuts. But I doubt that.
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Old 08-18-2019, 04:35 PM
 
Location: Crook County, Illinois
3,624 posts, read 1,672,814 times
Reputation: 4589
Quote:
Originally Posted by james112 View Post
Good point. Health nut people know that green beans are as healthy as a salad. Also, it's all in the way she said things, tone of voice. Serious tone of voice, or a hint of playfulness. If she was super serious like he is killing himself, then she is a off the scale nuts. But I doubt that.
Not unless it's green beans with cream of mushroom soup and fried onion strings. But it's not important. I don't even think health was the real issue here. The OP's date wanted to test him, to see how he reacts to her controlling him. I'd be much more worried if he caved to her criticism, and later said the date went well.
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Old 08-18-2019, 05:21 PM
 
414 posts, read 104,942 times
Reputation: 831
Quote:
Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist View Post
Not unless it's green beans with cream of mushroom soup and fried onion strings. But it's not important. I don't even think health was the real issue here. The OP's date wanted to test him, to see how he reacts to her controlling him. I'd be much more worried if he caved to her criticism, and later said the date went well.
I agree it was a test. But I think he failed, even though he stood his ground and ate what he wanted, that response from his was correct. He told her "I am a grown man and can eat what i want." Then she continues a tirade about healthy eating. He says he laughed. Which indicates he will eat what he wants.

Up to that point he is showing her he will not change for her.

He then says when dinner was over we are walking out. Who payed?

Then she says next time I am taking you someplace healthy. THIS tells me it was more of a test. Because if she didn't like being with meat eaters, she would not have offered this. Here's the test she executed: She likes health food. He doesn't. What is his reaction and how does he handle controlling behavior, and can he manage a resolution to major differences in a calm manner?



What he should have done and said is something like:

"you know what we are very different, how about this agreement between us- I will accept what you eat if you accept what I eat so when we eat together we have a nice time without bugging the other. Deal?"

That type of a reply would have turn the test back on her and reveal if she was testing or not. If she says ok, then continue dinner and if she does it again, repeat the offer one last time. If she doesn't bring it up anymore, he passes the test (if it was a test). If she continues the tirade then he knows she is too controlling.

A women will always test the man. I got tested today by a woman friend that offered for us to meet after work for a drink (not romantic but as work friends). At work she rescinded the offer and had a personal excuse. My reply was "that's ok" in a tone of voice that was 'i'm not upset at all'. We continued and when done she offered the same for next time after work (in 3 or 4 days). My calm response let her know that if she makes offers and has to cancel it doesn't bother me at all. A woman will do this to find out if it's ok to change her mind at the last minute to find out if the guy doesn't get upset. If he gets even a little upset, like has a reply with an attitude, she will detect it and make note.
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Old 08-18-2019, 06:20 PM
 
Location: Arlington, VA and Washington, DC
23,767 posts, read 33,694,685 times
Reputation: 32625
Quote:
Originally Posted by james112 View Post
I agree it was a test. But I think he failed, even though he stood his ground and ate what he wanted, that response from his was correct. He told her "I am a grown man and can eat what i want." Then she continues a tirade about healthy eating. He says he laughed. Which indicates he will eat what he wants.

Up to that point he is showing her he will not change for her.

He then says when dinner was over we are walking out. Who payed?

Then she says next time I am taking you someplace healthy. THIS tells me it was more of a test. Because if she didn't like being with meat eaters, she would not have offered this. Here's the test she executed: She likes health food. He doesn't. What is his reaction and how does he handle controlling behavior, and can he manage a resolution to major differences in a calm manner?



What he should have done and said is something like:

"you know what we are very different, how about this agreement between us- I will accept what you eat if you accept what I eat so when we eat together we have a nice time without bugging the other. Deal?"

That type of a reply would have turn the test back on her and reveal if she was testing or not. If she says ok, then continue dinner and if she does it again, repeat the offer one last time. If she doesn't bring it up anymore, he passes the test (if it was a test). If she continues the tirade then he knows she is too controlling.

A women will always test the man. I got tested today by a woman friend that offered for us to meet after work for a drink (not romantic but as work friends). At work she rescinded the offer and had a personal excuse. My reply was "that's ok" in a tone of voice that was 'i'm not upset at all'. We continued and when done she offered the same for next time after work (in 3 or 4 days). My calm response let her know that if she makes offers and has to cancel it doesn't bother me at all. A woman will do this to find out if it's ok to change her mind at the last minute to find out if the guy doesn't get upset. If he gets even a little upset, like has a reply with an attitude, she will detect it and make note.
I think this assumes he actually cared about passing the “test.” He probably couldn’t have cared less by the time that garbage was done.
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Old 08-18-2019, 06:33 PM
 
2,216 posts, read 1,738,602 times
Reputation: 2821
Dominance test!? Lol. I refuse to believe most people behave like or play this kind of game theory.
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Old 08-18-2019, 06:37 PM
 
902 posts, read 482,531 times
Reputation: 869
whether or not the people realize it, they are playing these kind of games for a reason. If he accepted her demands, and they did end up dating more or in a relationship, she will likely exert demands in other areas. The initial test is designed to weed out people not willing to deal with her bull. She sounds like a basket case.
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Old 08-18-2019, 07:29 PM
 
1,099 posts, read 689,534 times
Reputation: 3387
It wasn't a dominance test. She was just a total weirdo about food and way overstepped. He's not going to see her again, one because he's smart and two because what would be the point. So all of this is really a moot point now.
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