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Old Yesterday, 04:25 PM
 
3 posts, read 101 times
Reputation: 10

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Hi All,

Iím currently in a relationship of 8 years. Itís not been plain sailing but Iím beginning to feel like Iím going crazy! At first everything was sweet and as time has gone on Iíve noticed how manipulative he actually is, why are we so blind to it?

Heís started to make me feel so guilty about things and Iím doubting myself and wondering whether is just me or imagining it.

I work full time, I have a 16 year old son (ASD), not my partners and a 4 year old daughter together. My job is very stressful so Iím exhausted especially as he works shifts so not always home together.

He obsesses over things so badly itís hard to describe. He does help out around the house but all of sudden out of the blue heíll moan about mess and clutter, mainly my daughterís toys. It so happens we were both off last Friday so no early morning. My daughter picked up a toy at 7:45pm and he went berserk, shouting and screaming at me saying ďyour kids have no routine!Ē, ďshe needs to know itís her bedtime and not to get her toys outĒ. Then the swearing starts. It didnít matter what I said he just wouldnít listen, it went into full argument mode and he acts very aggressively, at one point he went to slam his coffe cup down on to the table but used such force the cup went into the air and I ended up with hot coffee down my back / bum. I threatened to call the police as I was shaking but after a few hours he calmed down, he has frequent episodes like this so I try and just go with it.

He makes strange comments to me and you know when youíre just in shock and disbelief itís beyond me. Iíve become quite resentful of his behaviour, he texts me all the time and constantly talks sex. He gets home at 5am and thinks nothing of waking me for sex, if I reject him the sarcastic and nasty comments follow, his strange comments earlier was that he needs a release to help with the burning feeling with his prostate so needs it frequently, he said ďdonít tell me to **** as thatís a very weak excuse!Ē. Just donít know what to think but we could do it 4 times a week and he still moans, he used to note it down on our calendar discreetly! He will dig at me if I turn him down. If I go out itís 20 questions about what time Iím home. I feel stuck and donít know what to do 😰 xx
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Old Yesterday, 04:33 PM
 
2,188 posts, read 1,725,533 times
Reputation: 2763
You need to leave. I know people use that sentence too often on CDr, but there's no amount of counselling to fix that sort of behavior. Sorry you're dealing with this.
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Old Yesterday, 04:35 PM
 
12,870 posts, read 10,070,758 times
Reputation: 16459
Lawyer. Therapist. In either order. You need out. You may need out with the help of someone to keep you safe.
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Old Yesterday, 04:36 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
79,215 posts, read 71,371,362 times
Reputation: 77469
You're in an abusive relationship. Are you marred? And you say the daughter is his as well? Yet, he yells about "your kids" not having discipline? What's that about?

When did this seeming personality change come about? How long has he been like this?

If you're not married, you can pack up and walk out. Do an online search for women's shelters in your area, if necessary, or start a separate savings account as your escape hatch, to pay for first & last month's rent + damage deposit, to get your own place. If you are married, see a lawyer first.
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Old Yesterday, 04:46 PM
 
Location: Continental Europe
736 posts, read 133,994 times
Reputation: 1152
Yes this is an abusive relationship and you have to get out not just for you but also for the sake of your kids.

At the very least read Lundy Bancroft's book: 'Why Does He Do That?' (the author put it online for free) and start getting your ducks in a row.
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Old Today, 06:20 AM
 
Location: Aberdeen
190 posts, read 274,913 times
Reputation: 434
You know what to do but you lack the courage. Just do it knowing that things will be better in the long run.
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Old Today, 06:28 AM
 
90 posts, read 10,593 times
Reputation: 74
Seek help. Is there any family or trusted friends that can help you organize leaving this guy? This will escalate so you need to act rather sooner than later. I wish you the best. You can do this. There are resources out there. You can do this.
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Old Today, 05:22 PM
 
3 posts, read 101 times
Reputation: 10
Thankyou everyone for your comments and support, youíve confirmed my worst fears.

We have a mortgage together so Iíd want to sell up but I canít afford to rent, prices here are high. The equity from the house isnít gonna last me if I have to pay £600 a month out of it every month, the council would know about this money because if they see my payslips theyíll see a large amount going to another account. Donít know what else to do 😱 xx
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Old Today, 05:49 PM
 
90 posts, read 10,593 times
Reputation: 74
Quote:
Originally Posted by InA_Quandry View Post
Thankyou everyone for your comments and support, youíve confirmed my worst fears.

We have a mortgage together so Iíd want to sell up but I canít afford to rent, prices here are high. The equity from the house isnít gonna last me if I have to pay £600 a month out of it every month, the council would know about this money because if they see my payslips theyíll see a large amount going to another account. Donít know what else to do 😱 xx

Don't think much about that for now. Your safety is first. There might be ways to get around that. Get legal counseling and psychological counseling. One step at a time, being your safety and peace what comes first. I wish you the best success.
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Old Today, 06:01 PM
 
3 posts, read 101 times
Reputation: 10
Heís just kicked off again as pressuring me for sex and with the way he is behaving I donít want to know. Heís slamming doors and shouting. If he wakes our daughter Iíll be very annoyed. Heís such a child, had enough of this relentless behaviour. He cancelled his night shift probably cos he thought heíd get sex tonight. Iíve been to work, been up since 5:30am and had to help my son with something and heís moaning about that! Will make some calls tomorrow as heís out in the morning xx
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