U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
Old Yesterday, 09:55 PM
 
Location: Moving?!
217 posts, read 52,063 times
Reputation: 316

Advertisements

Has anyone had a significantly smaller (or larger) friend group or social life from the person you were dating? How'd it turn out?

For example, if you were in a long-distance relationship and moved to be with your partner, they would already have friends where you might know no one (not my situation, just one scenario).
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old Today, 02:13 AM
 
Location: San Jose, CA, USA
7 posts
Reputation: 10
Yes, and sometimes it's a serious problem. I had experience with it. I had a large friend group and my boyfriend didn't. He didn't agree with all my relationships with friends, so I began to cut ties with them. And of course, it didn't make me happier. So, now we are not together with him and I am trying to renew our relationships with friends, and it's quite hard. I am trying to say that if your partner doesn't like your friend group and he or she doesn't agree with your meeting with friends - it means that he's not your person.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 06:06 AM
 
Location: a primitive state
9,923 posts, read 20,256,085 times
Reputation: 12507
I have more friends than my husband. He’s not very social, but he encourages me to spend more time with my group. It works.

He doesn’t like the ones who drink a lot or who have too many issues. That’s probably wise from an outsider’s perspective. Most of these friends have fallen by the wayside because our hours don’t match up or their drama is too distracting, but they’re not off-limits.

Over the years, I’ve cultivated more friends who have healthier habits. So, I’m still as social as I want to be. He’s happy staying home when he wants to, but will attend dinner parties and other social gatherings from time to time.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 06:14 AM
 
2,150 posts, read 591,211 times
Reputation: 1408
This can vary as typically the one with least friends, though they don't make demands to cut ties completely with your friends, but they do tend to want you to spend more time with them in a sense.

For instance, I knew of a woman that had a weekly trail biking group, and she'd meet up with them routinely at a restaurant, weekly. When she got a boyfriend, he had no interest in that kind of activity...eventually it'd turn into, "Hey, you think you can pass on hanging out with your friends so we can order in and binge watch whatever TV show"

Or if not that, he'd suggest on her passing on that routine outing to them go out as a couple to do something.

Usually it's gradual and typically the person with the most friends goes along with it, as it does tend to be the natural order of things.

Over time, you'd just see them a couple times a year doing the holiday parties...but that's about it.

"Where did Suzie go?"

Other friends: "She's got a boyfriend now, I guess we'll see her next Christmas".

This is very typical, but the couple does both seem to be on board with this.

I have a female friend that used to hit a local jaunt with her friends, her new boyfriend doesn't drink and now she willingly spends most of his time with him on a Saturday night. IT was of her own free will and he made no such demand or suggestion. She actually prefers it because sometimes even her friends get on her nerves. LOL
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 07:37 AM
 
4,134 posts, read 1,775,735 times
Reputation: 8374
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123 View Post
This can vary as typically the one with least friends, though they don't make demands to cut ties completely with your friends, but they do tend to want you to spend more time with them in a sense.

For instance, I knew of a woman that had a weekly trail biking group, and she'd meet up with them routinely at a restaurant, weekly. When she got a boyfriend, he had no interest in that kind of activity...eventually it'd turn into, "Hey, you think you can pass on hanging out with your friends so we can order in and binge watch whatever TV show"

Or if not that, he'd suggest on her passing on that routine outing to them go out as a couple to do something.

Usually it's gradual and typically the person with the most friends goes along with it, as it does tend to be the natural order of things.

Over time, you'd just see them a couple times a year doing the holiday parties...but that's about it.

"Where did Suzie go?"

Other friends: "She's got a boyfriend now, I guess we'll see her next Christmas".

This is very typical, but the couple does both seem to be on board with this.

I have a female friend that used to hit a local jaunt with her friends, her new boyfriend doesn't drink and now she willingly spends most of his time with him on a Saturday night. IT was of her own free will and he made no such demand or suggestion. She actually prefers it because sometimes even her friends get on her nerves. LOL
I donít think thatís normal or healthy at all. Every person in a couple should have their own interests. I think itís important that couples have common interests. For example, I have some friends who are now getting a divorce because it got to the point where their independent interests were so independent that they had nothing they wanted to enjoy together. However, itís not healthy or realistic to always rely on the other person for your entertainment. I am in a few hiking groups (not for singles) and many people in those groups come because their spouses are not interested in hiking or able to come. They may like doing other outdoor activities or may not be outdoorsy at all, but theyíve agreed that a few Saturdays or Sundays a month, it is fine for them to each do their own things.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 07:53 AM
 
10,664 posts, read 4,297,193 times
Reputation: 26949
Quote:
Originally Posted by riffle View Post
Has anyone had a significantly smaller (or larger) friend group or social life from the person you were dating? How'd it turn out?

For example, if you were in a long-distance relationship and moved to be with your partner, they would already have friends where you might know no one (not my situation, just one scenario).
It might be a more helpful situation to know your scenario, instead of a made up example, though.

In the case of someone just moving to another's home town, everyone gets it that the one partner will have a friend's base and the new person to town won't. That will change over time.

In the instance where they've both lived in one place and one partner doesn't have any friends and one partner has a large network of friends, that's a different thing and it indicates a continuing pattern that may well cause friction.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 08:03 AM
 
2,150 posts, read 591,211 times
Reputation: 1408
Quote:
Originally Posted by RamenAddict View Post
I don’t think that’s normal or healthy at all. Every person in a couple should have their own interests. I think it’s important that couples have common interests. For example, I have some friends who are now getting a divorce because it got to the point where their independent interests were so independent that they had nothing they wanted to enjoy together. However, it’s not healthy or realistic to always rely on the other person for your entertainment. I am in a few hiking groups (not for singles) and many people in those groups come because their spouses are not interested in hiking or able to come. They may like doing other outdoor activities or may not be outdoorsy at all, but they’ve agreed that a few Saturdays or Sundays a month, it is fine for them to each do their own things.
That's your opinion, but I know couples that are happy being joined at the hip. I know a few personally. I know a couple that's been married 5 years, they actually work in the same building together, drive to and from work as well. lol. Most of their weekends consist of spending the majority of their time with either their in-laws or together.

The wife asked me as a "single guy" what fun stuff I did on the weekend, and I'd tell her. Then I'd counter with asking the same thing. She goes, "Me and Bill just did yard work and shopped for stuff for the house at the Home Depot on Saturday...Sunday we sent the kids off to the grand parents and we watched Netflix all Sunday.

And it's basically just that every weekend for them. Sometimes they'll go off on vacation together with the camper, but since they have family that lives closeby...everything is family related.

I guess you could say their social life revolves around in-laws and blood relatives...not so much with the traditional friends.

Of course, I live in a smaller area where 4 or 5 generations of the same family grew up in the same area.
So if it works for them, it works for them.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 08:15 AM
 
Location: Arizona
6,015 posts, read 5,374,790 times
Reputation: 18214
Except for people that just moved to the area I would take not having many friends and acquaintances as a red flag. They will demand your time and to hell with your interests.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 09:25 AM
 
Location: Colorado
12,158 posts, read 7,453,799 times
Reputation: 21822
As an extrovert who loves introverts (I'm engaged to one and have many introvert friends)... I just need to know that my partner and I can respect one another's needs and not have to be joined at the hip for it to work. I will not demand that he be social when he doesn't want to be. He will not demand that I spend all of my free time at home with just him. We will find balance. No one is controlling the other or pushing the other outside of what makes them happy.

If people want to change their habits and they can be genuinely happy doing so, I don't see anything wrong with that. I only hope that they are being honest with themselves and they're really ok with it, not just going along to get along. I think that can lead, over time, to feeling resentful. It is good to make choices because you WANT to, not because you feel like you HAVE to.

I'm thinking of my weekend plans actually, I'm going to a big charity fundraiser event my club is involved with, I'll be there from afternoon until probably 2-3AM or so, and my fiance says he's had a stressful week at work and needs some quiet down time, so he would rather not go. He does not go one step further and say he would also rather that I stayed home and kept him company. He's perfectly capable of relaxing on his own, and we've had a couple of nights of dedicated quality time this week and plan for a bit more before I've got to leave. It is no problem at all. He respects my need to be social and involved with our community, I respect his need to spend quiet time recharging at home. No one is right or wrong just because our needs are not the same.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top