U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Closed Thread Start New Thread
Old Yesterday, 09:46 PM
Location: Fairfax, VA
854 posts, read 705,944 times
Reputation: 996


Mod cut: Quoted post deleted.

One's opinion of another is no indicator of their fidelity.

Last edited by PJSaturn; Today at 10:04 AM..

Old Yesterday, 10:14 PM
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,795 posts, read 42,416,564 times
Reputation: 84480
Originally Posted by SomeGuyInFairfax View Post
One's opinion of another is no indicator of their fidelity.
Fidelity affects ones opinion of another, usually.

Or get a better pull-out game, I guess.
Old Yesterday, 10:28 PM
Location: Fairfax, VA
854 posts, read 705,944 times
Reputation: 996
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
Fidelity affects ones opinion of another, usually.

Or get a better pull-out game, I guess.
Always -- but by then it is too late; the infidelity has already occurred.

No matter how well you know a person, there are no guarantees.
Old Today, 12:22 AM
14,498 posts, read 17,509,414 times
Reputation: 11296
It's not something you have to get permission from the mom or a court order for anymore. You just take a test on ancestry.com or 123nme.com by yourself. People do it everyday. Men do not have to just trust what women say regarding paternity anymore. And yes, it's still distasteful and unadvisable to announce to a woman that you want a paternity test. It really creates a bad relationship by announcing it, if you end up really being the father. She will be angry and resentful. If there is any doubt, just do it quietly. The days of duping men into thinking they are the father of their child are over.
Old Today, 05:31 AM
3,823 posts, read 3,044,156 times
Reputation: 7720
Originally Posted by HenryJKO View Post
I'm just afraid I won't be able to keep this secret forever and it will slip out of my mouth during an argument or something like that.
So you anticipate confessing what you did during an argument? In the heat of the moment, admitting to this horrible thing? Mmmkay.
Old Today, 06:24 AM
95 posts, read 11,706 times
Reputation: 77
Mod cut: Quoted post deleted.

No she will not be justified to take THEIR son. That kid has a father and the kid has the right to be with his father too. She has the right to end the romantic relationship with the OP but she has absolutely no right to take revenge with their son. I have notice many woman mixing up their roles as mothers and as partners and trying to take advantage to use the kids to punish the father when the relationship goes the wrong way. And that is absolutely wrong. If it was me I would end the relationship with the OP but there is absolutely no right to deprive the kid from his father just because the romantic relationship didn’t work out

Last edited by PJSaturn; Today at 09:57 AM..
Old Today, 07:31 AM
5,476 posts, read 2,470,559 times
Reputation: 15636
Well, OP, what's done is done.

First thing, keep your mouth firmly shut. You don't need to tell your partner everything you've done in your life.

Second, figure out why you have such serious trust issues. It doesn't sound to me like you're on the path to having this be a long term relationship. I mean, why are you 5 years into this relationship, with a baby for crying out loud but still not married? Again, what's done is done, but there are good reasons why the standard method has typically been get married first, then live together for a while, then have babies.

And keep your mouth firmly shut. Even in the heat of the biggest argument you ever have, there are things you must not say. And you have just foolishly added another one, totally needlessly.

If your partner ever finds out that you did an unauthorized paternity test on your son, which proved that she did not cheat on you, I would estimate it's greater than 90% chance she will leave; and greater than 99.999% that the relationship will be over for all intents and purposes. Maybe that's what you wanted?
Old Today, 08:11 AM
1,272 posts, read 1,314,024 times
Reputation: 1042
Originally Posted by HenryJKO View Post
My partner and I have been together for 5 years. Things have always been good, we respect each other's space and preferences and support each other all the time.

When she got pregnant, even though it was a planned pregnancy and I was thrilled, I immediately started thinking about getting a paternity test done once the child was born. I can't exactly figure out why that need arised but we've all heard so many stories about men finding out their children't weren't theirs a number of years down the road.

Our son was born 2 months ago and I had a paternity test done afterwards. The results came back positive and it was a relief to me in the sense that I was done with these doubts.

The thing is that the fact I've kept this a secret from her keeps haunting me from time to time. It'll pop up in mind out of the blue and sometimes I don't know how to put these thoughts away.
If you live in USA rest assured that "everyone knows someone who did it", "in secrecy" they say. This attitude is rather the fact that it's so rampant that, if you sit together with 10 guys who have a child, at least a few of them "did it" and it's either in secrecy or via some deliberate "fun element" by paternity kits being brought into common talk (and therefore used).

I have argued it maybe some 5 years ago that paternity testing is a booming industry and that at least 1 million of these tests will be done in USA by 2020, by simply observing thevtrends.
Last time this topic arose that I took part in, I think some years ago, the annual number/estimate was above 600,000, by observing retailers and lab data samples.
Here's the latest article: https://www.salon.com/2019/06/23/pat...arent-trusted/

One million paternity tests in USA and a booming industry keeps its growth. Keep in mind that there's plenty of space dor growrh today as well as in the future, given that about 4,000,000 children sre born in USA on an annual basis.

If one wants to dispute it or claim orherwise, let them remmember that the legal frame (illegality od many of those "take home" tests) is more likely to be UNDERESTIMATED than overestimated. Best examples for similar widespread "don't believe it's true" underestimaton was observed with:
1. Estimated alcohol consumption during prohibition
2. Estimated number of abortions before legalization of abortion

Mod cut: Off-topic.
Regardless of it, I'd advise you NOT to say that you did it, primarily because of legal, political and social implications. You'd be deemed as an anomaly and bashed by everyone although it's YOUR right to know if a child that you plan to bond yourself with for the rest of your life is biologically yours, or a result of an affair or something else. It is also a child's right and of utmost importance to know its biological history because of an important medical history tree.
Thid should also be one of the primary and undeniable reasons why any state should have mandatory paternity tests, id not for anything else.

Until that moment, be prepares for the "tone" and "attitude" as evidenced in the linked srticle on salon.com!

Last edited by PJSaturn; Today at 10:07 AM..
Old Today, 08:16 AM
Location: St Augustine
310 posts, read 327,049 times
Reputation: 539
"Ignorance is bliss"

You did this in se
cret, now you must keep this a secret. take it to your grave.
Old Today, 08:24 AM
423 posts, read 160,944 times
Reputation: 1453
Make it right. Marry her.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.

Closed Thread

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top