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Old 08-18-2019, 11:01 PM
 
546 posts, read 829,336 times
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Zero times, and I'm almost 38. I mainly keep to myself.
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Old 08-18-2019, 11:27 PM
 
17,886 posts, read 4,226,057 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lilliampr View Post
how many times have you fallen in love? Do you think some people only fall in love once? I see people jumping from one relationship to the next and always saying they're so in love, that i wonder how they do that?

Long story short, i have only fall in love once. We live together for a year and half, broke up 10 years ago and have stayed friends all the time. Some months ago he moved to another country to be with a woman he had a long distance relationship with. He left his job, his house, everything to start this new life so it is very unlikely i will ever see him again. And no i'm not holding into a fantasy that we were going to back because i am clear that if we were friends for 10 years the last things on his mind is four us to get back together. I know he cares about me but as a dear friend. I still love him and he is the only man i have ever loved, so that is why is ask the question of this thread. And it is not like i have been alone for 10 years. I actually lived with someone else and have two kids from that relationship, but i've never fell in love again. I can feel attraction, enjoy the company of the person, but not love. Is this common? Anybody else in a similar situation?
0
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Old 08-19-2019, 07:04 AM
 
Location: Northern Wisconsin
9,008 posts, read 7,838,852 times
Reputation: 15557
Twice. First gf dumped me for another guy who had a good job while I was still in college. She didnt live me. Never wanted to be exclusive, but didnt want me to date other women. She just kept me around for fun.Thats OK. She divorced him. She was a golddigger, looking for guy with lots of money. She told me that.
I married the second 43 years ago. But that one was mutual
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Old 08-19-2019, 07:26 AM
 
Location: southern california
55,981 posts, read 75,025,502 times
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Falling in love is projecting a mental fantasy mate onto the body of another human being
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Old 08-19-2019, 07:37 AM
 
Location: Colorado
12,243 posts, read 7,495,337 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Huckleberry3911948 View Post
Falling in love is projecting a mental fantasy mate onto the body of another human being
For some people it is. For my ex, certainly, it was, to the point that he assumed/expected/unthinkingly demanded, that I change myself to conform to his mental fantasy. I was never that person. He never saw the real me. When we were together, he idealized me into someone I wasn't, and when we broke up, he trashed his mental image of me into something more nefarious than I am. At no time has his perception of me been accurate. I am truly neither perfect, nor monstrous, I am human, and there was never any space for me to be human in his reality.

I've learned to avoid people who do this, now.

I don't think that I've ever been one of them.

But then, truly LISTENING and being there for what another person has to express to you, in sharing who they are and what they are about... It's a skill that not everyone has, I guess. Some people don't really find anyone else all that interesting, it's all about what's in their own heads. And I think that's kind of related to the thing of projecting a fantastical image of one's ideal mate onto another human being.

I'd much rather take in the real stories of who people truly are...there's stuff there way beyond anything I could make up.
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Old 08-19-2019, 09:38 AM
 
Location: Texas
10,129 posts, read 3,886,671 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Auraliea View Post
Never. At least I don't think I have.

I've had infatuations, hard crushes, and "fixations" on people. I admired from afar, basically fantasies my mind would create of those people, as I was too insecure to reveal my feelings/circumstances weren't the best. But that was back when I was really young. I haven't really been really attracted to or liked anyone in my adult life (I'm 26). How many times people fall in love depends on their definition of love and the kind of person they are. The last person I liked (well I liked the person I thought he was), was when I was 17. But I believe it was more of a fantasy than anything. I never really KNEW "him." As we had never met face to face. It sucked when I realize we'd never actually get a chance to date, but I got over it. He'll probably forever remain just an image to me. .
Same here, I used to create fantasies about people that were not realistic at all. Once I got to know them, I realized they had faults, flaws and insecurities like everyone else does. A lot of men I dated and/or was infatuated with are, interestingly enough, still single in their 50s and 60s. They never married or had kids, or were married only briefly. One of them is in his 60s (I'm FB friends with him) and he is still stringing along now middle-aged women, who want him to commit. And he never does.
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Old 08-19-2019, 10:02 AM
 
12,398 posts, read 13,710,236 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Willamette City View Post
Once for me. Met the love of my life working in a restaurant. I was a new cook, she was the waitress. First day on the job (1975), she put a ticket on the wheel, I looked at her and BAM! Maybe it was lust at first sight, but it turned into love in short order. We met on May 9, lived together for a year and married May 9, 1976. 44 years together, no end in sight.
Dang! What did she order? Lol
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Old 08-19-2019, 10:26 AM
 
Location: The City of Brotherly Love
1,063 posts, read 745,003 times
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I'm 23 (I'll be 24 in 10 days), and I've fallen in love twice.

The first time I fell in love was 2016, when I was 21. I was getting ready to start my junior year of college when I met the girl who would become my second girlfriend. At the time, I thought she was everything I could ever ask for. Some things about her made me weary, but I pushed those concerns to the side while dating her. That relationship ended up failing in February 2017, after she broke up with me. To add insult to injury, I found out that she had been cheating on me with multiple guys at the time. That whole ordeal took me most of the year to get over, and I didn't start dating in earnest again until early 2018.

Back in January of this year, I started talking with a girl that I matched with on Bumble. We hit it off and eventually planned a date. Fast forward six months and I know that she's my dream girl. Never in my life have I met somebody so beautiful, outgoing, funny, sexy, vivacious, positive, and several other adjectives that describe her. We have yet to have a fight since we communicate so well, and we've enjoyed days straight of spending time together. Our sex life is also really great, especially since I'm at the maturity and experience level to where I don't give up until we've both finished. We're already discussing plans to move in with each other next year, and have several trips confirmed for the near-term. We are equals in every way, from being young working professionals to our lines of thinking.

I don't want to jinx anything, but I'm hoping she'll be the last girl I ever fall in love with. Fortunately, she's also pondered whether this will be the last new relationship she ever enters!
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Old 08-19-2019, 04:20 PM
 
22 posts, read 2,290 times
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Twice. The first time I was 24 years old, he was 34. I'll spare the details but a tragic event occurred in his life and rather than lean on me to get through it, he went back to his ex wife. He crushed me and I thought I would never love anyone again. I married at 33. I was not in love with him, but I thought it was time to get married. My heart was dead from what had happened 9 years earlier and I was thinking of him on my wedding day.

Flash forward to now, divorced and urged by friends to get back in the game I met the most wonderful man. I never thought I would be able to feel that way ever again but this is so much more than what I had felt long ago. He and I are connected in a profound way and every day I thank the Universe for bringing him into my life.
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Old 08-19-2019, 11:26 PM
 
Location: Martinsburg, West Virginia
33 posts, read 4,821 times
Reputation: 101
I was 17 the first time I fell in love with another. It was high school and it did not work. No surprise there, says hindsight. I got a phone call one day telling that she was going to have a baby not mine (we were never physically intimate). I was devastated. 32 years later, I fell in love again in nursing school at the age of 49. I got told I was loved, but I wasn't, I'm not. I got used for petty and stupid ... things ... that I would have given away ... family tickets to graduation, text books, Christmas and birthday gifts ... things I would have given away for a 'please.' Now, five years later, I still dream of her, pray for her, wonder about her, rail at God for not being together with her. I love her still.

So ... twice, to answer your query. And never again.
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