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Old 08-15-2019, 05:21 PM
 
100 posts, read 14,097 times
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How many times have you fallen in love? Do you think some people only fall in love once? I see people jumping from one relationship to the next and always saying they're so in love, that I wonder how they do that?

Long story short, I have only fall in love once. We live together for a year and half, broke up 10 years ago and have stayed friends all the time. Some months ago he moved to another country to be with a woman he had a long distance relationship with. He left his job, his house, everything to start this new life so it is very unlikely I will ever see him again. And no I'm not holding into a fantasy that we were going to back because I am clear that if we were friends for 10 years the last things on his mind is four us to get back together. I know he cares about me but as a dear friend. I still love him and he is the only man I have ever loved, so that is why is ask the question of this thread. And it is not like I have been alone for 10 years. I actually lived with someone else and have two kids from that relationship, but I've never fell in love again. I can feel attraction, enjoy the company of the person, but not love. Is this common? anybody else in a similar situation?
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Old 08-15-2019, 05:58 PM
 
Location: Continental Europe
742 posts, read 144,490 times
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3 times. The first time aged 21, the second time when I was 24 and the third at 33.
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Old 08-15-2019, 05:59 PM
 
Location: In a place beyond human comprehension
7,747 posts, read 4,968,363 times
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Never. At least I don't think I have.

I've had infatuations, hard crushes, and "fixations" on people. I admired from afar, basically fantasies my mind would create of those people, as I was too insecure to reveal my feelings/circumstances weren't the best. But that was back when I was really young. I haven't really been really attracted to or liked anyone in my adult life (I'm 26). How many times people fall in love depends on their definition of love and the kind of person they are. The last person I liked (well I liked the person I thought he was), was when I was 17. But I believe it was more of a fantasy than anything. I never really KNEW "him." As we had never met face to face. It sucked when I realize we'd never actually get a chance to date, but I got over it. He'll probably forever remain just an image to me. I do believe there are people who fall in love many times in life, some fall a few times, others fall only ONCE, and some never fall at all. Life is life at the end of the day.
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Old 08-15-2019, 07:25 PM
 
606 posts, read 173,241 times
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4. My high school boyfriend and 3 husbands.
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Old 08-15-2019, 07:29 PM
 
3,987 posts, read 1,551,850 times
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5
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Old 08-15-2019, 07:50 PM
 
Location: Arlington, VA and Washington, DC
23,733 posts, read 33,637,545 times
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Zero.
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Old 08-15-2019, 09:36 PM
 
8,365 posts, read 6,114,089 times
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Zero, and hope to keep it that way.
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Old 08-15-2019, 11:35 PM
 
Location: Middle America
36,935 posts, read 42,311,651 times
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Three. Twice in college, once in adulthood. Only one of those was it a reciprocal romantic relationship...I'm married to him.
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Old 08-16-2019, 04:02 AM
 
12,391 posts, read 13,690,567 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilliampr View Post
How many times have you fallen in love? Do you think some people only fall in love once? I see people jumping from one relationship to the next and always saying they're so in love, that I wonder how they do that?

Long story short, I have only fall in love once. We live together for a year and half, broke up 10 years ago and have stayed friends all the time. Some months ago he moved to another country to be with a woman he had a long distance relationship with. He left his job, his house, everything to start this new life so it is very unlikely I will ever see him again. And no I'm not holding into a fantasy that we were going to back because I am clear that if we were friends for 10 years the last things on his mind is four us to get back together. I know he cares about me but as a dear friend. I still love him and he is the only man I have ever loved, so that is why is ask the question of this thread. And it is not like I have been alone for 10 years. I actually lived with someone else and have two kids from that relationship, but I've never fell in love again. I can feel attraction, enjoy the company of the person, but not love. Is this common? anybody else in a similar situation?




This sums it up nicely for me too.

Sometimes you feel you are in love until it’s over and the dust settles and you’re like wth?
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Old 08-16-2019, 10:28 AM
 
Location: Colorado
12,183 posts, read 7,468,124 times
Reputation: 21895
I think that this is largely a matter of one's own perception and what various terms mean to them. Lust, infatuation, New Relationship Energy (NRE), limerance, "loving" versus being "in love with", even feeling a kind of love for someone you don't even like...there are so many shades to it.

I don't like the way that situations often are used to invalidate emotions. If you feel love for someone but they don't reciprocate, it's often dismissed as having just an infatuation. Likewise if it doesn't work out to have a long term relationship, as opposed to when it does... If things go well and you get your happily-ever-after fairytale relationship, you are allowed to say that it was "love at first sight" or that you "fell in love" if you want, but if it doesn't, then it was ~just~ lust or infatuation? I don't think so. I won't be invalidating my feelings, just to get over someone, I don't need to diminish how I felt in order to do that.

And I also don't think that love has to be scarce, in order to be valid, valuable, precious and wonderful. I don't think that love needs to be permanent, either, to be valid. I don't believe that love is one specific thing. It's got as many shades and flavors as there are connections between myself and others, and I can value them all for whatever they are worth...in the moment, or in a memory. I do not consider my love to be cheap just because it is fairly plentiful, either.

Of all my partners, I fell in love with 7 of them. 14 of them, that I know of, fell in love with me. Only once has it happened that I, and another person, were similarly and simultaneously in love with one another, and I'm still in a relationship with him.
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