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Old Today, 10:16 AM
 
6,395 posts, read 6,150,986 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
I think the people who are criticizing him for being traditional need to learn about masculine energy and feminine energy. He's a masculine-energy male and wants the more traditional role of protector. This does not make him a bad person. It just means he needs to date a more traditional female who is okay with him paying. I think the OP would be better off releasing him to someone else. It's not a good match.
The thing is that women talk about how traditional men are so good, keepers, and so on. That's fine. Most women seem to like that kind of man so whatever rocks your boat. But I rarely ever see those women also talk about how great it is to fulfill their traditional "lady roles" and maybe talk about how they go to their place to cook, wash their dishes, do their laundry, etc. as a traditional woman would do for her man. When are these "traditional roles" sexist and when are they not?


Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
Well I've been happily married for 15 years now so it's not really an issue. Yes, he is the primary breadwinner but that doesn't mean I am "taking his money". Good grief. It's not "his" money, it's "our" money.
So him being your provider and giving this "masculine energy" and all, I suppose you show your "feminine energy" by cleaning the house for him, cooking, washing dishes, doing his laundry, and so on, right?
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Old Today, 10:20 AM
 
12,969 posts, read 10,096,072 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by onihC View Post
The thing is that women talk about how traditional men are so good, keepers, and so on. That's fine. Most women seem to like that kind of man so whatever rocks your boat. But I rarely ever see those women also talk about how great it is to fulfill their traditional "lady roles" and maybe talk about how they go to their place to cook, wash their dishes, do their laundry, etc. as a traditional woman would do for her man. When are these "traditional roles" sexist and when are they not?
Except that you see that that is not the case in this thread. Funny thing about women. Given that they are people, there is not one thing that will suit all of them.

Repper - WHO picks and chooses which traditions are sexist? The PEOPLE who are effected by them?
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Old Today, 10:22 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cosmic_girl View Post
I wish I had your problem
It seems to be a "problem" lots of women wish to have according to some comments here and other threads.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Auraliea View Post
I wouldn't like it or feel comfortable with it, but to each their own.
I wonder if a woman has ended a relationship because a man spends all his money on them. Maybe it would be as common as a man ending a relationship because his girl always wants to have sex.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh View Post
Lots of men like to spend money on their Gf's tho.......at least the guys who offer do..........
I guess we can agree on that. Men are usually the ones who are the spenders in relationships.

Last edited by onihC; Today at 10:54 AM..
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Old Today, 10:26 AM
 
12,969 posts, read 10,096,072 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by onihC View Post
It seems to be a "problem" lots of women wish to have.



I wonder if a woman has ended a relationship because a man spends all his money on them. Maybe it would be as common as a man ending a relationship because his girl always wants to have sex.
You really dislike women, don't you? Anything to ensure they remain the enemy - en masse - in your brain.
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Old Today, 10:33 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
You really dislike women, don't you? Anything to ensure they remain the enemy - en masse - in your brain.
So a man/woman leaving a relationship for the things I mention, something common?

Nope. Simply mentioning what women around here have been commenting. I do dislike freeloading leeches or men who don't do their part with house chores when both work. You dislike doing anything other than just showing up to a date, don't you?
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Old Today, 10:37 AM
 
682 posts, read 343,375 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by onihC View Post
It seems to be a "problem" lots of women wish to have.



I wonder if a woman has ended a relationship because a man spends all his money on them. Maybe it would be as common as a man ending a relationship because his girl always wants to have sex.




I guess we can agree on that. Men are usually the ones who are the spenders in relationships.
Its no issue if she is parasitic.

When someone spends a lot of money on me I generally feel indebted, because I dont exploit people for my own gain.

You dont see how too much generosity can leave a person (woman) worried about what strings are attached?
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Old Today, 10:37 AM
 
Location: Colorado
12,193 posts, read 7,471,412 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by onihC View Post
It seems to be a "problem" lots of women wish to have.



I wonder if a woman has ended a relationship because a man spends all his money on them. Maybe it would be as common as a man ending a relationship because his girl always wants to have sex.
I've already said that it was one of several factors in a breakup I had. The guy was too extravagant in his spending money on me, and giving money to me. He would get mad if I tried to refuse. It felt uncomfortable. When that stacked with communication disconnects and the fact that he did not want to have sex as often as I did, it felt like he was bribing me to keep being "his girlfriend" without wanting to put any actual time or effort into maintaining an actual relationship with me. I didn't like that one bit.

Look. Dating people with "traditional" ideas about gender roles is not a fantastic idea for me, for any number of reasons. Dating someone who starts out looking for me to be The Enemy (or at least the opponent in some sort of a game) is equally unappealing. The "traditional" people probably ought to date one another, and they can play their mind reading games and project their expectations all over the place to their hearts' content. I don't know why it's any business of yours or mine, what they are doing, when there are plenty of other games in town, so to speak.

Plenty of women have expressed that we have no real need for a guy to be paying our way. It's not like there is a shortage of women in the US at least, who are fine dating on their own dime. So who in the hell cares what other people want to do?

Anyhow. OP, you gotta declare a boundary on this if it bothers you. Ultimately you might not be compatible, but it should not be that hard for either of you to find someone who is a more comfortable fit, at least in this particular aspect.
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Old Today, 10:39 AM
 
6,395 posts, read 6,150,986 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnaGWS View Post
My husband always insisted on paying for our dates. I never thought of him as being weak, controlling, or insecure. He never once has treated me as inferior. Nor has he ever considered me to be a gold digger. I made more money than him when we first met. I have been a SAHM for the past 20 years while he focused on his career and I focused on our family. I've managed our life, while he has financed it. We are equals. The money is ours to share.

Equality does not mean splitting everything 50/50. People bring different things of value to the table. My husband values everything I have done for him and our daughter. I value everything he has done for us. I do not need to contribute a paycheck to feel equal or of value. He does not need to handle our investments, handle our home, cook dinner, plan parties, plan vacations, etc to feel equal or of value. We each have our contributing roles and it makes for a happy life.

OP, do what works best for you.
There you go. There are some women who really mean it when they say they like old fashioned traditions instead of picking and choosing when traditions are convenient. He provides and you take care of the cooking, house chores, planning, etc. This works for you .
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Old Today, 10:39 AM
 
Location: San Francisco
2,417 posts, read 564,412 times
Reputation: 1295
Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00 View Post
I think I can see how this could make someone uncomfortable. I can imagine if it were me it would make me feel indebted to the person. I might be more hesitant to disagree with him about things, Id almost feel like he were buying my time.

In a marriage it makes more sense, in a marriage everything is co owned pretty much. No mine vs. yours.

But in dating, I would feel there were implied conditions to his paying for everything.
I don’t think one can make implications without knowing his/her behavior with each other (or the financial situation of each). If he makes considerably more than her, for example, or whether or not the relationship is on equal footing emotionally is key.

There should be give and take in any relationship emotionally (which goes far beyond money in importance) to determine its ‘success’ or ‘equality’.
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Old Today, 10:41 AM
 
6,395 posts, read 6,150,986 times
Reputation: 3653
Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00 View Post
Its no issue if she is parasitic.

When someone spends a lot of money on me I generally feel indebted, because I dont exploit people for my own gain.

You dont see how too much generosity can leave a person (woman) worried about what strings are attached?
Agree. There are some women who have commented how that would concern them. I do wonder if a woman has left a relationship because the man spent all his money on them as much as I wonder if a man has left a relationship because his girl always wanted to have sex. You never know.
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