U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old Today, 10:42 AM
 
12,969 posts, read 10,096,072 times
Reputation: 16528

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by onihC View Post
So a man/woman leaving a relationship for the things I mention, something common?
How would anyone know this?

Quote:
Nope. Simply mentioning what women around here have been commenting. I do dislike freeloading leeches or men who don't do their part with house chores when both work. You dislike doing anything other than just showing up to a date, don't you?
ME? Read the thread. That seems like something you have not done prior to commenting. The voices around NOT liking someone paying are as loud if not louder than the rest. I post specifically that I, personally, whip out my wallet with Every Single Date with intent to PAY not with intent to go dutch. If a guy has "traditional values" I want to know. So I can avoid him like the plague.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old Today, 10:45 AM
 
680 posts, read 343,375 times
Reputation: 483
Quote:
Originally Posted by CorporateCowboy View Post
I don’t think one can make implications without knowing his/her behavior with each other (or the financial situation of each). If he makes considerably more than her, for example, or whether or not the relationship is on equal footing emotionally is key.

There should be give and take in any relationship emotionally (which goes far beyond money in importance) to determine its ‘success’ or ‘equality’.
So he meets her material needs, and she meets his emotional needs?

Who meets her emotional needs then?

As Sonic said, it gives him a way out to be lazy in other ways a man can be lazy in a relationship. Meeting a womans material needs should not be the end all of a mans role in a relationship.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 10:46 AM
 
6,395 posts, read 6,150,986 times
Reputation: 3653
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
I've already said that it was one of several factors in a breakup I had. The guy was too extravagant in his spending money on me, and giving money to me. He would get mad if I tried to refuse. It felt uncomfortable. When that stacked with communication disconnects and the fact that he did not want to have sex as often as I did, it felt like he was bribing me to keep being "his girlfriend" without wanting to put any actual time or effort into maintaining an actual relationship with me. I didn't like that one bit.

Anyhow. OP, you gotta declare a boundary on this if it bothers you. Ultimately you might not be compatible, but it should not be that hard for either of you to find someone who is a more comfortable fit, at least in this particular aspect.
Hey, that was one of the aspects of the relationship you didn’t like, put your foot down, and he continued to do what you didn’t like. If you were still with him you would not be enjoying a healthy relationship. Good for you. This reminds me of a case I have shared before. When I moved to the USA I was used to the idea that men are the ones who should take initiative to approach, ask for the contact information, ask out, pay for everything, court and romance, and so on. Girls just had to accept me doing all those things for them. One day I started dating another foreign exchange student. She put her foot down when I was paying for everything on our first date and made it clear she was uncomfortable with me doing everything. I have to admit I felt a bit strange to see a girl doing more than just showing up to the date but learned to accept a girl wanting to also show me that I was worth her effort. After that I felt odd when a girl would just show up and that was it.


Quote:
Originally Posted by boxus View Post
There are two types of dudes like this;

type 1 pays for everything because he actually cares and wants to be that person to show he can support and be relied upon, and it is his nature, raising, whatever, that the guy pays for things.

type 2 pays for stuff because his end goal is control, but there will be tons of other signs if the girl is not naive about it.
Type 3 pays for everything because he doesn't want to risk not getting another date.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 10:50 AM
 
Location: San Francisco
2,417 posts, read 564,412 times
Reputation: 1295
Quote:
Originally Posted by onihC View Post
Agree. There are some women who have commented how that would concern them. I do wonder if a woman has left a relationship because the man spent all his money on them as much as I wonder if a man has left a relationship because his girl always wanted to have sex. You never know.
If a man is spending all of his money on a woman - the issue is his lack of financial responsibility. Neither a man or woman should enter into a relationship with someone who is not financially responsible, doesnít have a stable job, etc. - this is likely to be big headaches down the road.

That said, compatibility in sexual intimacy is also important (avoid headaches on this road as well - lol).
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 10:51 AM
 
6,395 posts, read 6,150,986 times
Reputation: 3653
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
How would anyone know this?
That's why I asked.

Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00 View Post
So he meets her material needs, and she meets his emotional needs?

Who meets her emotional needs then?

As Sonic said, it gives him a way out to be lazy in other ways a man can be lazy in a relationship. Meeting a womans material needs should not be the end all of a mans role in a relationship.
You are right. Also, meeting a manís emotional needs should not be the end of all of a womanís role in a relationship. If she is an adult she can also meet his material needs.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 10:55 AM
 
Location: San Francisco
2,417 posts, read 564,412 times
Reputation: 1295
Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00 View Post
So he meets her material needs, and she meets his emotional needs?

Who meets her emotional needs then?

As Sonic said, it gives him a way out to be lazy in other ways a man can be lazy in a relationship. Meeting a womans material needs should not be the end all of a mans role in a relationship.
Nah - not what I said. The relationship should be emotionally equal, which is far more important in and of itself than taking out the spread sheet and bickering over who pays for what.

In a healthy relationship, emotional needs are being met on each side (and is a more accurate indicator of a successful relationship than a balanced ledger).
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 10:56 AM
 
680 posts, read 343,375 times
Reputation: 483
Quote:
Originally Posted by onihC View Post
That's why I asked.



You are right. Also, meeting a manís emotional needs should not be the end of all of a womanís role in a relationship. If she is an adult she can also meet his material needs.
She should support him as if hes her child?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 10:56 AM
 
12,969 posts, read 10,096,072 times
Reputation: 16528
Quote:
Originally Posted by onihC View Post
That's why I asked.



You are right. Also, meeting a manís emotional needs should not be the end of all of a womanís role in a relationship. If she is an adult she can also meet his material needs.
I think this "meet each other's needs" focus is a recent red herring, personally. (Not really disagreeing with you. Just adding a refinement, I guess.) We should meet our own needs and partner with people for love, affection, fun... If we think in these terms, paradoxically we actually become MORE attractive to potential partners. ANd insulate ourselves from partnering with a lot of badness.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 11:00 AM
 
680 posts, read 343,375 times
Reputation: 483
Quote:
Originally Posted by CorporateCowboy View Post
Nah - not what I said. The relationship should be emotionally equal, which is far more important in and of itself than taking out the spread sheet and bickering over who pays for what.

In a healthy relationship, emotional needs are being met on each side (and is a more accurate indicator of a successful relationship than a balanced ledger).
But in your scenario it doesnt sound equal. He is giving more, if he gives emotionally and financially, and she only gives emotionally.

Would she be with him without his financial support? It sounds like the one paying more is paying for something, maybe a more attractive partner than he would otherwise get, if he got a partner that contributed financially as well?

Someone is either getting the short end, or is willing to pay through the nose for some good reason (such as control).
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 11:02 AM
 
6,395 posts, read 6,150,986 times
Reputation: 3653
Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00 View Post
She should support him as if hes her child?
Ask yourself if a man should support an adult woman as if she was her daughter? Come on now. Your questions go both ways. I agreed with your previous comment but simply added that part you missed.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top