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Old Today, 11:02 AM
 
12,982 posts, read 10,096,072 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00 View Post
But in your scenario it doesnt sound equal. He is giving more, if he gives emotionally and financially, and she only gives emotionally.
He specifically talks about balance being required ONLY in emotional needs. I tend to agree with that poster. MANY times our needs were accommodated by my earning more for instance.

The financial paying love meter equation is yucky.
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Old Today, 11:08 AM
 
684 posts, read 343,375 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by onihC View Post
Ask yourself if a man should support an adult woman as if she was her daughter? Come on now. Your questions go both ways. I agreed with your previous comment but simply added that part you missed.
Where did I say a woman should only provide emotionally?

You did say a woman should meet a mans emotional and financial needs. It made me think of a little boy asking his mom for money to buy a video game.
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Old Today, 11:11 AM
 
6,395 posts, read 6,150,986 times
Reputation: 3653
Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00 View Post
Where did I say a woman should only provide emotionally?

You did say a woman should meet a mans emotional and financial needs. It made me think of a little boy asking his mom for money to buy a video game.
On your post #132

Quote:

So he meets her material needs, and she meets his emotional needs?

Who meets her emotional needs then?

As Sonic said, it gives him a way out to be lazy in other ways a man can be lazy in a relationship. Meeting a womans material needs should not be the end all of a mans role in a relationship
So I responded with:

"You are right. Also, meeting a man’s emotional needs should not be the end of all of a woman’s role in a relationship. If she is an adult she can also meet his material needs."
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Old Today, 11:14 AM
 
Location: San Francisco
2,419 posts, read 564,412 times
Reputation: 1300
Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00 View Post
But in your scenario it doesnt sound equal. He is giving more, if he gives emotionally and financially, and she only gives emotionally.

Would she be with him without his financial support? It sounds like the one paying more is paying for something, maybe a more attractive partner than he would otherwise get, if he got a partner that contributed financially as well?

Someone is either getting the short end, or is willing to pay through the nose for some good reason (such as control).
If they both work - but one happens to make significantly more - how do you see it as one is giving more than the other? It isnít the Ďshort endí or giving more (if he has more to give). In fact, itís likely the opposite.

In other words, the person who is giving less financially (because they earn less) is probably giving a higher percentage of their income (and feel the financial pain of it more) - so it can actually be said they are giving more of what they have (even though the other person is contributing a higher dollar amount).
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Old Today, 11:14 AM
 
684 posts, read 343,375 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
He specifically talks about balance being required ONLY in emotional needs. I tend to agree with that poster. MANY times our needs were accommodated by my earning more for instance.

The financial paying love meter equation is yucky.
I never said people should keep a spreadsheet going on who paid for what and split it all 50/50.

But when one person is much better off financially than the other, I argue that true equality is very difficult to come by.

The higher earner will spend more, and unless the lower earner is parasitic, she/he will probably feel pressure to make up for it in another way. Maybe shes much younger and beautiful, she lets him cheat, lets him control her, doesnt assert herself in the relationship, etc. Shes working it off in some way or another, Id argue.
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Old Today, 11:20 AM
 
684 posts, read 343,375 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CorporateCowboy View Post
If they both work - but one happens to make significantly more - how do you see it as one is giving more than the other? It isn’t the ‘short end’ or giving more (if he has more to give). In fact, it’s likely the opposite.

In other words, the person who is giving less financially (because they earn less) is probably giving a higher percentage of their income (and feel the financial pain of it more) - so it can actually be said they are giving more of what they have (even though the other person is contributing a higher dollar amount).
I see your point.

All Im saying if I were the higher earner, I wouldnt fool myself that the person would be with me without the money. Unless I won the lottery after we were already married but in most cases it was the high income that attracted that other person.

Especially if we are talking about an older man younger woman situation.

Why not date someone my own age with similar earning power?

If I were the higher earner, the power I could exercise due to that fact, might be the main appeal of seeking a partner with less earning power. Its a power differential.
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Old Today, 11:26 AM
 
4,162 posts, read 1,785,518 times
Reputation: 8443
Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00 View Post
I see your point.

All Im saying if I were the higher earner, I wouldnt fool myself that the person would be with me without the money. Unless I won the lottery after we were already married but in most cases it was the high income that attracted that other person.

Especially if we are talking about an older man younger woman situation.

Why not date someone my own age with similar earning power?

If I were the higher earner, the power I could exercise due to that fact, might be the main appeal of seeking a partner with less earning power. Its a power differential.
There are lots of valid reasons to date people who donít have the same earning power. Many high-earning professions also have insane hours, and if you want to raise kids, it just isnít feasible to do so with two parents who are working 60+ hours a week. Iíve worked in government for about 9 years now and plenty of people who are in government do so due to the benefits and have spouses who are much higher earners. Some are men and some are women. Most will get a nice pension, have better health insurance than many/most private sector jobs, and have more time to devote to family activities. I donít see any of these people as having more/less power in a relationship.
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Old Today, 11:41 AM
 
684 posts, read 343,375 times
Reputation: 483
Quote:
Originally Posted by RamenAddict View Post
There are lots of valid reasons to date people who donít have the same earning power. Many high-earning professions also have insane hours, and if you want to raise kids, it just isnít feasible to do so with two parents who are working 60+ hours a week. Iíve worked in government for about 9 years now and plenty of people who are in government do so due to the benefits and have spouses who are much higher earners. Some are men and some are women. Most will get a nice pension, have better health insurance than many/most private sector jobs, and have more time to devote to family activities. I donít see any of these people as having more/less power in a relationship.
Its a case by case basis. I'm not saying its always the case. In some situations its just practical, especially if the people are raising a family and do it the 1950s way. Nothing wrong with that.

Im talking about scenarios in which there is a power differential and exploitation involved. It happens. Like older men who want young foreign wives. They can dominate and control them easier.

We dont know OPs situation so not to get off topic. If she doesnt want the 50s scenario though I can understand why she is uncomfortable.
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Old Today, 12:07 PM
 
Location: San Francisco
2,419 posts, read 564,412 times
Reputation: 1300
Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00 View Post
I see your point.

All Im saying if I were the higher earner, I wouldnt fool myself that the person would be with me without the money.
Unless I won the lottery after we were already married but in most cases it was the high income that attracted that other person.

Especially if we are talking about an older man younger woman situation.

Why not date someone my own age with similar earning power?

If I were the higher earner, the power I could exercise due to that fact, might be the main appeal of seeking a partner with less earning power. Its a power differential.
After understanding my point, youíve now jumped from Ďthe higher earner is controllingí and the woman is forced to Ďmake up for ití - all the way to stating the man (or higher earner) is the victim (and implied he is being used for his money).

Your assessment is equivalent to armchair quarterbacking - all relationships are different; and unless you are actually in it (and/or know all the details personally), you simply canít make the call as to what is happening or paint all relationships with the same brush (in your case with two opposite colors) based on one person earning significantly more money than the other.
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Old Today, 12:08 PM
 
Location: Texas
10,063 posts, read 3,858,936 times
Reputation: 20469
Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00 View Post
Im talking about scenarios in which there is a power differential and exploitation involved. It happens. Like older men who want young foreign wives. They can dominate and control them easier.

.
These men would say it's a different reason they want foreign wives. But some of these foreign brides are tough as nails. you'd be surprised.
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