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Old Today, 01:11 PM
 
684 posts, read 343,375 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
Yah. The guy who tried to play me had no job, "worked" for his drug dealer cousin.... though in theory I was not supposed to know they dealt drugs. Not equal. As in, I worked at a GOOD white collar job... No need to settle for a doof. Yah I had some fun. But get married to that? No.
He knows a good deal when he sees it.
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Old Today, 01:19 PM
 
12,984 posts, read 10,096,072 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by onihC View Post
Agree. This is what has worked just fine for you and other couples.
I think it is a fine choice. I have seen many men and women make it. I wish there was a magic crystal ball that can tell whether or not it WON'T work because the earner very frequently gets hammered if it doesn't.
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Old Today, 01:25 PM
 
192 posts, read 38,400 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
Yah. The guy who tried to play me had no job, "worked" for his drug dealer cousin.... though in theory I was not supposed to know they dealt drugs. Not equal. As in, I worked at a GOOD white collar job... No need to settle for a doof. Yah I had some fun. But get married to that? No.
Well if he was a doof and a drug dealer and you knew all of this at the time, why date and have "fun" with him in the first place? If you were working a good white collar job you couldn't have been that young and dumb.
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Old Today, 01:38 PM
 
12,984 posts, read 10,096,072 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PardonTheInterruption View Post
Well if he was a doof and a drug dealer and you knew all of this at the time, why date and have "fun" with him in the first place? If you were working a good white collar job you couldn't have been that young and dumb.
Because I like fun. How is that hard? To be fair, I did not know anyone in LA when I got there. I did not find out he was into drug dealing until a little later on.
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Old Today, 01:42 PM
 
Location: Texas
10,067 posts, read 3,858,936 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PardonTheInterruption View Post
Well if he was a doof and a drug dealer and you knew all of this at the time, why date and have "fun" with him in the first place? If you were working a good white collar job you couldn't have been that young and dumb.
I dated someone with a prescription drug addiction and didn't know it at first. It happens. People don't have warning signs tattooed on their forehead. You find things out over time.
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Old Today, 01:46 PM
 
Location: Texas
10,067 posts, read 3,858,936 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00 View Post
I wonder if that was her plan all along.

Its one thing to meet a foreign person organically fall in love get married. Ofc that happens with no exploitation.

The issue comes when its not so organic. Travelling to a foreign destination for the sole purpose of doing this or joining an agency.

One has to ask, with all the women in his own country, why does he have to fly thousands of miles to get a date? If hes not successful with women at home he probably wont be abroad either, unless ofc they want something from him.

Similar when men go out of their own age range or money/status range. She probably wants your money.
My guess is the women I knew wanted money and security, greencard. The man wants the excitement of marrying someone from another country. Many American and European men have fetishized certain cultures with regard to stereotypes about women from that culture. I, personally, did marry someone from another country but we just happened to meet each other. It was circumstance.

This foreign bride went through a vocational program within a few years of marrying the American man. Now they are divorced. I think she just used him for way into the US. He was actually very capable of getting a woman without having to go that route (foreign bride). I am not sure why he chose to do that. He had a good job, good income and now he has far less than he used to. This is a community property state, everything was divided in half when they split.
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Old Today, 01:48 PM
 
684 posts, read 343,375 times
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Its easy to get married if the other person knows he/she is getting a good deal. But if you're not careful you will get played.

Some guys are also learning a new trick. Pretend you are rich, pay for everything until the wedding. Then turn the tables and put it all on her.

Thats why I likely never will get married. Too scary. Just have fun, stay independent, dont merge bank accounts, dont put houses in other peoples names etc.

The 1950s were a more innocent time.
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Old Today, 01:50 PM
 
Location: San Francisco
2,422 posts, read 564,412 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00 View Post
The commonality is the unequal footing. Both situations are full of potential of one person using the other. It could be either one taking advantage of the other but Id argue in a lot of cases someone is taking advantage.
As described previously, there isnít always unequal footing in a relationship where one earns more income than the other (the lower earner is often contributing more in terms of income percentages). That said, ANY relationship has the potential to be a bad one - which is why itís important to gauge compatibility, intimacy, honesty, commitment, world view, friendship, and so on to determine its health (and not simply reduce it to a ledger by keeping track of who pays for what).

You are operating under the (incorrect) assumption a relationship in which one person earns significantly more than the other is always unhealthy (and then comparing it to the Ďmail-order brideí industry) which is absolutely ludicrous.
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Old Today, 01:54 PM
 
674 posts, read 508,943 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Airekaaah View Post
My boyfriend insists on paying for almost everything. I feel really bad because I donít expect him to be the one paying all the time. The last three weekend trips we had, I booked the room and paid since I should at least pay for some of the expenses. And yet he still asks me how much I paid so he can pay for it. I told him itís fine and that I am okay spending since itís only fair. Question is do guys like spending money on their girlfriends? Do you think that a guy should always pay in a relationship? Thoughts?

P.S. I had my car broken into recently and my windows were busted. Boyfriend took care of everything and paid for the repairs. He was the one insisted even though he didnít have to.
You do not have to feel bad, if he does it with pleasure you can correspond by paying some things for him without telling him, just ask him what he likes and on the next date give him something that you know he will enjoy or better yet, invite him to a concert or to a game of some sport in your city, he will thank you and so you can have a balanced relationship, one in which you also show interest in him.
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Old Today, 01:55 PM
 
684 posts, read 343,375 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
My guess is the women I knew wanted money and security, greencard. The man wants the excitement of marrying someone from another country. Many American and European men have fetishized certain cultures with regard to stereotypes about women from that culture. I, personally, did marry someone from another country but we just happened to meet each other. It was circumstance.

This foreign bride went through a vocational program within a few years of marrying the American man. Now they are divorced. I think she just used him for way into the US. He was actually very capable of getting a woman without having to go that route (foreign bride). I am not sure why he chose to do that. He had a good job, good income and now he has far less than he used to. This is a community property state, everything was divided in half when they split.
I agree, Ive seen this fetisization too. I think its common to be attracted to the exotic. I didnt mean to imply something wrong with the men. But I think there is, with some. Its a last resort move for them when they cant find a woman at home.

I do think there might be an appeal of someone being under their thumb. Maybe they assume it will be that way? Someone submissive and obediant. Foot massages every night. While American women are becoming uppity, demanding equality now.

I think its all a symptom of macro social change.
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