U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old Today, 06:32 AM
 
96 posts, read 11,706 times
Reputation: 77

Advertisements

I would not feel comfortable with someone paying all expenses. I have always been independent and self sufficient. OP how long have you been together? Is his salary significantly larger than yours? Have you noticed any control issues in other areas of the relationship? You definitely need to address this issues with him
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old Today, 07:24 AM
 
7,571 posts, read 11,673,435 times
Reputation: 8432
Quote:
Originally Posted by Airekaaah View Post
My boyfriend insists on paying for almost everything. I feel really bad because I don’t expect him to be the one paying all the time. The last three weekend trips we had, I booked the room and paid since I should at least pay for some of the expenses. And yet he still asks me how much I paid so he can pay for it. I told him it’s fine and that I am okay spending since it’s only fair. Question is do guys like spending money on their girlfriends? Do you think that a guy should always pay in a relationship? Thoughts?

P.S. I had my car broken into recently and my windows were busted. Boyfriend took care of everything and paid for the repairs. He was the one insisted even though he didn’t have to.
He's 'old school'.

Of the traditional mindset.

I'm of the opinion that men and women are equal and one of those ways of establishing equality is paying for things equally.

I don't expect my girlfriend to cook, or clean, or give me sex on demand, or anything.

I will say that the majority of women do let men initiate payment, but will stop them from paying for 'everything'.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 08:54 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,266 posts, read 17,587,825 times
Reputation: 42172
Quote:
Originally Posted by spencgr View Post
I would never want to be in a relationship with a guy who insisted on paying for everything. I want a partner in life who respects me as an equal, not someone who feels his role is to take care of me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by skaternum View Post
I don't understand the "he's a keeper" comments at all.
His need to be The Man would drive me bonkers. Because this isn't about him showing interest or whatever. It's about him disregarding your wishes so he can satisfy his need to be The Man. The car windows thing is way too much. It's YOUR car. Presumably YOUR insurance. Why would you just throw up your hands and turn that all over to him? Is he your dad or your boyfriend, for goodness sake? Do you want to be a damsel in distress in this relationship? What do YOU want -- a partner or a caretaker?
Well said.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 08:55 AM
 
1,433 posts, read 566,882 times
Reputation: 3192
Quote:
Originally Posted by Airekaaah View Post
My boyfriend insists on paying for almost everything. I feel really bad because I donít expect him to be the one paying all the time. The last three weekend trips we had, I booked the room and paid since I should at least pay for some of the expenses. And yet he still asks me how much I paid so he can pay for it. I told him itís fine and that I am okay spending since itís only fair. Question is do guys like spending money on their girlfriends? Do you think that a guy should always pay in a relationship? Thoughts?

P.S. I had my car broken into recently and my windows were busted. Boyfriend took care of everything and paid for the repairs. He was the one insisted even though he didnít have to.

Let him keep doing what he's doing and you keep letting him know that you don't mind paying for things too.
It makes him feel good to be paying because that's how he was brought up and there is nothing wrong with that.At least by you letting him know that you can pay for things too and keep offering..... he knows that you're not taking advantage of him and that you appreciate him doing what he does.
Be glad you have a man who has no issue paying for things instead of a man who has no issue living off the back of a woman and have you pay for everything.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 09:00 AM
 
Location: San Angelo, TX
1,789 posts, read 3,009,400 times
Reputation: 1971
Uhhh... there’s no such a man as a “boyfriend” after you become an adult. You’re having sex with a man who pays for everything...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 09:24 AM
 
Location: Colorado
12,181 posts, read 7,459,140 times
Reputation: 21869
Last time I experienced something like this, I figured it was a "Love Languages" disconnect.

If you really like this man and you want your relationship to work out, then you should read up on that. It is very possible that his top Love Languages are things like Gifts and/or Acts of Service.

Those two are very low on my own list, and the problem I have experienced with men who have incompatible love languages to me, is that they tend to be unable or unwilling to try to engage with mine ("Words of Affirmation") yet it is expected that I will appreciate and reciprocate theirs. I sit there worrying that eventually they'll get resentful that they are giving me all of these gifts or effort of a particular type, and I'm not giving back exactly in kind...and also getting resentful if they don't communicate in ways that I need. Love Language disconnects can be hard to work though. Understanding the concept can help...but it can still be challenging.

So again, I recommend you read about this (even just Google it and do one of the free tests online and get the concept, you don't have go even go out and buy the actual book) and figure out what YOUR love languages are, and what you believe HIS are (probably Gifts) and then have a conversation with him.

You would want to explain to him that he really doesn't have to do any of this, although you are grateful. That sometimes it makes you feel uncomfortable and why. That you are capable of paying for things sometimes, and would like him to let you do so. An immature person will sometimes, when things are rocky or a relationship is ending, use something like this as a manipulation tactic, "I can't believe you would break up with me, I did this and that for you! You ungrateful so-and-so, how dare you?" and such. Nope. Never, ever let that fly. Because no matter how generous, such giving is on the giver's terms. No one asked for it, no one made them do it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 10:16 AM
 
4,145 posts, read 1,778,034 times
Reputation: 8412
Quote:
Originally Posted by codergirl View Post
Let him keep doing what he's doing and you keep letting him know that you don't mind paying for things too.
It makes him feel good to be paying because that's how he was brought up and there is nothing wrong with that.At least by you letting him know that you can pay for things too and keep offering..... he knows that you're not taking advantage of him and that you appreciate him doing what he does.
Be glad you have a man who has no issue paying for things instead of a man who has no issue living off the back of a woman and have you pay for everything.
Some women may feel bad/guilty that they have the ability and means to pay and are not. They want a relationship to be equal. Their wants/needs should matter too. If they are not compatible, then the relationship is probably not going to work out in the long run. I dated one guy like this and it became clear after just a few weeks that it was not going to work out. We made the same amount and he wanted to pay every time. It made absolutely no sense.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 11:15 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,266 posts, read 17,587,825 times
Reputation: 42172
Quote:
Originally Posted by Danbo1957 View Post
Uhhh... thereís no such a man as a ďboyfriendĒ after you become an adult. Youíre having sex with a man who pays for everything...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 11:26 AM
Status: "Now I know how Joan of Arc felt ..." (set 8 days ago)
 
Location: Boulder, CO
528 posts, read 163,977 times
Reputation: 996
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
Last time I experienced something like this, I figured it was a "Love Languages" disconnect.

If you really like this man and you want your relationship to work out, then you should read up on that. It is very possible that his top Love Languages are things like Gifts and/or Acts of Service.

Sonic beat me to it. I am exactly the same way as the guy. My last relationship ended because the avid cycling chick was a "words of affirmation" person and I'm quiet and not emotionally expressive.


You could reciprocate by having his car detailed as a surprise, and/or buying fix'ins for and preparing a wonderful home cooked meal + wine + make dessert (BURN THE RECEIPT), and/or a cool piece of art for his digs (just examples).
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 11:31 AM
 
Location: D.C.
2,892 posts, read 1,840,727 times
Reputation: 3928
Personally, I am happy being with someone who shares expenses. The first few dates we went on I paid and then gradually as time went on she would either pick up half or on occasion all. After we started taking trips together, we decided to split costs. Still together after five years, I guess she decided I was a keeper anyway.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top