U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 08-16-2019, 05:44 PM
 
3 posts, read 502 times
Reputation: 10

Advertisements

Going through a break up is painful. Feels like someone close to you died. I never cried over my girl even if i wanted to. If i did, i don't remember lol. Still hurts like hell. I resent her somewhat now for neglecting me. I kept messing up at work and my co workers kept asking "what's wrong?" I realized life had to go on without her and its hard to accept.

Relationships fail because people aren't willing to grow. That's why i broke up with my ex. She had what's called an avoidant attachment style where a person avoids getting too close to people. They're afraid of abandonment so they do things like avoid you. Some women have the same problem, but they still have successful relationships. They tell their boyfriends "i need space and time to build trust.." She couldn't honestly tell me the truth so there was no way i could help her.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 08-16-2019, 05:46 PM
 
500 posts, read 342,069 times
Reputation: 449
play tennis. a lot. helps. on a lot of fronts.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-16-2019, 09:15 PM
 
405 posts, read 103,265 times
Reputation: 816
The pain means there was a lot of happiness that was there. How long was this relationship?



As for her "not allowing things to grow...avoiding getting too close and... couldn't honestly tell me the truth" that's her not being able to express her feelings to you. Why she didn't is the question. I don't think it's someone style to avoid getting close as if it's a normal trait, that type person has troubled background and has been hurt.



If you proved she could trust you, and provided loving quiet times to share intimate thoughts, she will open up and share her feelings, IF you provided that. If you did and she still didn't open up, you were right to end it. I hope in a gentle loving way.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-17-2019, 12:24 PM
 
Location: Middle America
36,940 posts, read 42,364,829 times
Reputation: 51091
Sounds like you're processing it pretty well.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-18-2019, 06:34 PM
 
859 posts, read 475,806 times
Reputation: 830
plenty of ice cream and chocolates in bed or beer and pretzels in dark corners works.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-19-2019, 08:19 AM
 
3 posts, read 502 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by james112 View Post
The pain means there was a lot of happiness that was there. How long was this relationship?

As for her "not allowing things to grow...avoiding getting too close and... couldn't honestly tell me the truth" that's her not being able to express her feelings to you. Why she didn't is the question. I don't think it's someone style to avoid getting close as if it's a normal trait, that type person has troubled background and has been hurt.

If you proved she could trust you, and provided loving quiet times to share intimate thoughts, she will open up and share her feelings, IF you provided that. If you did and she still didn't open up, you were right to end it. I hope in a gentle loving way.
Around 1-5 months. She said she was too busy to talk to me but i'd see her constantly talking to other friends. We also didn't really talk much about conflicts in our relationship or communicate too deeply on our feelings. In fact, i mentioned to her once that i wanted us to have a healthy way of resolving conflicts. She seemed scared of the topic and simply said "we'll fix it..." I provided her a safe and loving environment to share her feelings but she said "i'll tell you later.." That was her usual response. I got tired of dealing with that behavior so i ended things. I didn't insult her or anything, but i did tell her the harsh truth of how i felt about her. I told her i lost trust and attraction for her. I also told her it didn't seem like she wanted a relationship because from what i could tell, she wasn't really investing in it. She was looking for something else.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-19-2019, 12:13 PM
 
3 posts, read 502 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa View Post
Sounds like you're processing it pretty well.
Thanks, someone else told me the same.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-21-2019, 05:47 PM
 
344 posts, read 110,335 times
Reputation: 257
Sorry to hear about this. She sounds very guarded, she must have really liked you to get involved in the first place. When someone places self protection over intimacy, they either don't like you enough or are very scared. If someone liked another person enough, they've got to over come their fears. I think you did the right thing. Sorry you had to go through it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-21-2019, 09:21 PM
 
308 posts, read 212,264 times
Reputation: 424
I'm in the same camp right now... Just dumped yesterday after 12 years. In the past what has gotten me through these hard times is just staying as busy as I possibly can (I always have lots of projects and things to work on, so it's no issue). However, she dumped me literally 6 days after I had to have her drive me to a chiropractor because I blew my back out from working too hard already...


So... Here's me wishing I could take my own advice. Anyhow, if you have things to do, DO THEM. Do them 10 hours a day. Become so focused on productivity that the pain doesn't have time to distract you. After a few weeks, or maybe even months, of just busting things out, the pain will be managable.


Right now I just feel like I want to puke, and feel like I want to sleep all day, but when I go to bed I wake up an hour later in sweats from nightmares. Fun stuff!


So.. Hang in there. I'm in the seat right behind you and I don't plan to let the boat sink with us in it. It will get better.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Yesterday, 11:08 PM
 
13 posts
Reputation: 10
Make yourself busy with your work or exercise. Its helpful.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top