U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 08-16-2019, 11:31 PM
 
3 posts, read 675 times
Reputation: 10

Advertisements

Hello, this is my first post here, and i feel like i need help.
I am finally with girl who i always loved. And now when we are together i kept screwing over..
I am very jealous and possessive. I want to know her dreams, history with every ex boyfriend, what is she doing, is she talking with someone when she go out with her friends.. this is killing me and i couldnt live a normal life with this going on. I overthink everything and it js really driving me crazy. She knows that i am jealous and she tells me stuff, but the truth is no one will always say everything. And that is bothering me. She dont know all this feelings because i dont want to scare her away. I really love her and dont want to lose her..
I was hurt by everyone in the past and i cannot trust to anyone anymore.
For example when she is out with friends, i cannot do anything, i just think about her, what is she doing, is she talking with some other maybe, did she saw an ex boyfriend or something.
I know that i have multiple issues and i really want to what is going on since i wasnt like this in the beginning of relationship. Then i didnt really care about all this stuff, but now...it is really hard and i just dont want to lose her... I want to be better and to change all these ad things and feelings.
Thanks in advance.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 08-17-2019, 12:26 AM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
15,141 posts, read 12,524,049 times
Reputation: 26936
Quote:
Originally Posted by Feyagm View Post
Hello, this is my first post here, and i feel like i need help.
I am finally with girl who i always loved. And now when we are together i kept screwing over..
I am very jealous and possessive. I want to know her dreams, history with every ex boyfriend, what is she doing, is she talking with someone when she go out with her friends.. this is killing me and i couldnt live a normal life with this going on. I overthink everything and it js really driving me crazy. She knows that i am jealous and she tells me stuff, but the truth is no one will always say everything. And that is bothering me. She dont know all this feelings because i dont want to scare her away. I really love her and dont want to lose her..
I was hurt by everyone in the past and i cannot trust to anyone anymore.
For example when she is out with friends, i cannot do anything, i just think about her, what is she doing, is she talking with some other maybe, did she saw an ex boyfriend or something.
I know that i have multiple issues and i really want to what is going on since i wasnt like this in the beginning of relationship. Then i didnt really care about all this stuff, but now...it is really hard and i just dont want to lose her... I want to be better and to change all these ad things and feelings.
Thanks in advance.
Get professional help for your insecurities, because if you keep this up, I can almost guarantee you’ll lose her.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-17-2019, 12:46 AM
 
Location: North State (California)
41,773 posts, read 3,184,367 times
Reputation: 13679
Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut View Post
get professional help for your insecurities, because if you keep this up, i can almost guarantee you’ll lose her.

ita
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-17-2019, 04:36 AM
 
7,949 posts, read 3,115,079 times
Reputation: 13187
You made a post as if this is about a relationship and a girl, but this is all you, OP.
You need to fix you. This could be happening in any relationship you have, until you address the common denominator in why you’ve “been hurt so many times in the past”.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-17-2019, 04:47 AM
 
Location: North Beach, MD on the Chesapeake
34,166 posts, read 42,701,470 times
Reputation: 43724
I want to know if she even knows you or if this is an online "girlfriend".
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-17-2019, 10:30 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
79,483 posts, read 71,873,020 times
Reputation: 77959
OP, you need to see a therapist, who can help you heal from your past wounds. They're still open and bleeding, which is threatening your current shot at happiness. I give you credit for recognizing the problem, and doing your best to keep a lid on it with your gf, but you need to see someone, who can help you process your pain, grief, and anger from the past, and your fears.

There are therapists who specialize in that. Their work is not so much about letting the patient blather on about their problems; it's about giving the patient tools to address the pain, and move all that stuck energy, and get it out of your system. You can start by doing an internet search for your city, with the key words "grief counseling", and also "trauma counseling". See what comes up, read a few of the therapists' websites to get an idea of how they work. Simply doing that bit of research would be your first step.

If you find a couple of sites that resonate with you, you can call those people, and ask questions about the techniques they use, do they assign "homework" for the client, in roughly what time frame can results be expected, if the client is diligent in following recommendations, etc., and then compare responses from one practitioner to another.

You seem ready to make a change and address your issues, which is great! With the right therapist, you could make good progress with this. You seem very motivated. Good for you!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-17-2019, 03:39 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,477 posts, read 17,758,838 times
Reputation: 42802
Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut View Post
Get professional help for your insecurities, because if you keep this up, I can almost guarantee you’ll lose her.
I agree. I know that I would leave someone like that. If you were the boyfriend of a female friend or relative of mine I would tell them to leave you over behavior like that. It is definitely obsessive and controlling behavior and is very likely to get to worse and worse, possibly becoming emotionally and/or physically abusive behavior, unless you seek counseling.

Good luck.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-17-2019, 03:45 PM
 
5,795 posts, read 1,464,625 times
Reputation: 4503
You are going to lose her.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-17-2019, 05:16 PM
 
5,488 posts, read 2,926,587 times
Reputation: 9982
Quote:
Originally Posted by Feyagm View Post
Hello, this is my first post here, and i feel like i need help.
I am finally with girl who i always loved. And now when we are together i kept screwing over..
I am very jealous and possessive. I want to know her dreams, history with every ex boyfriend, what is she doing, is she talking with someone when she go out with her friends.. this is killing me and i couldnt live a normal life with this going on. I overthink everything and it js really driving me crazy. She knows that i am jealous and she tells me stuff, but the truth is no one will always say everything. And that is bothering me. She dont know all this feelings because i dont want to scare her away. I really love her and dont want to lose her..
I was hurt by everyone in the past and i cannot trust to anyone anymore.
For example when she is out with friends, i cannot do anything, i just think about her, what is she doing, is she talking with some other maybe, did she saw an ex boyfriend or something.
I know that i have multiple issues and i really want to what is going on since i wasnt like this in the beginning of relationship. Then i didnt really care about all this stuff, but now...it is really hard and i just dont want to lose her... I want to be better and to change all these ad things and feelings.
Thanks in advance.
These are all your issues and have nothing to do with her. Just know the harder you push to keep her the more likely you’re to lose her.

Sometimes learning to forgive yourself and your ex are critical before you can truly be free.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-17-2019, 07:09 PM
 
Location: Fairfax, VA
868 posts, read 715,457 times
Reputation: 1029
It's too late. She has already started hating you.

You are not her first man (and certainly will not be her last) so get over yourself.

The experiences of the past are valuable in showing you how to behave or not behave, in the present. The constant in all of your relationships is You, so focus on what you are doing (or not doing) instead of what others have done in reaction to you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Feyagm View Post
Hello, this is my first post here, and i feel like i need help.
I am finally with girl who i always loved. And now when we are together i kept screwing over..
I am very jealous and possessive. I want to know her dreams, history with every ex boyfriend, what is she doing, is she talking with someone when she go out with her friends.. this is killing me and i couldnt live a normal life with this going on. I overthink everything and it js really driving me crazy. She knows that i am jealous and she tells me stuff, but the truth is no one will always say everything. And that is bothering me. She dont know all this feelings because i dont want to scare her away. I really love her and dont want to lose her..
I was hurt by everyone in the past and i cannot trust to anyone anymore.
For example when she is out with friends, i cannot do anything, i just think about her, what is she doing, is she talking with some other maybe, did she saw an ex boyfriend or something.
I know that i have multiple issues and i really want to what is going on since i wasnt like this in the beginning of relationship. Then i didnt really care about all this stuff, but now...it is really hard and i just dont want to lose her... I want to be better and to change all these ad things and feelings.
Thanks in advance.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top