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Old 08-17-2019, 02:28 PM
 
7,807 posts, read 3,059,116 times
Reputation: 12867

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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
It is not that men refuse to go on another date of a woman pays or goes Dutch. Usually, that is a foretelling sign that the woman isn’t interested and doesn’t want to feel like she owes the guy another date or something else because he paid. I would still ask a woman out on a second date if I was interested, if she paid her share on the first date but I wouldn’t get my hopes up for a yes since that gesture usually means no interest for her part.
Thanks, that’s exactly what I was getting at. Some see it as a sign a woman’s not really interested.
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Old 08-17-2019, 02:44 PM
 
1,276 posts, read 1,315,963 times
Reputation: 1060
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
It is not that men refuse to go on another date of a woman pays or goes Dutch. Usually, that is a foretelling sign that the woman isn’t interested and doesn’t want to feel like she owes the guy another date or something else because he paid. I would still ask a woman out on a second date if I was interested, if she paid her share on the first date but I wouldn’t get my hopes up for a yes since that gesture usually means no interest for her part.
The topic about why men supposedly pay and why women don't pay usually revolves around stupid excuses. The only losers are men who "obey" such socialization, because it definitely won't affect woman's attraction towards a guy. It might hurt some women's ego, primarily those who expect a guy to pay. I don't consider it a loss for a guy, if you get what I mean, it's rather that you cut someone's entitlement from the get-go.

In reality, men who "feel the need to pay" are forced to think this way due to their social environment. Let me tell you this, you might check on Swedes or Austrians.. their family TAUGHT them and now it's their SOCIETY that teaches them not to pay and ensures to instill this attitude because they want them to be more competent when dating, not to be that guy who's unable to socialize or initiate relationship, or fling.
If a woman isn't interested, it's not the end of the world. She should know that your wallet is not hers just because you're flirting with her or because you went on a date, she's supposed to pay what she ordered. This way you also avoid women who make fun of taking advantage of unsuspecting/naive guys.
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Old 08-17-2019, 03:05 PM
 
Location: In a place beyond human comprehension
7,753 posts, read 4,972,233 times
Reputation: 12767
Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa View Post
When I was dating, I ALWAYS offered to pay for my own meal. I just got so sick of the rhetoric, mostly online, of guys complaining that women just dated for free meals, and decided I want gonna be "that girl."

It had nothing to do with not being interested in a second date.
And this is really what it's coming down to these days.

Every time I see this topic I want to scalp myself.....it's so tiring and OLD.

I feel like after a while of running into the shallow parasitic types, people would start to learn the traits in order to avoid them. Clearly this is not the case.
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Old 08-17-2019, 06:55 PM
 
Location: Fuquay Varina
4,678 posts, read 6,734,303 times
Reputation: 11726
I pay for the first date but I don't make a big deal about it. I usually pick a place I enjoy and I will have a good meal no matter how the date itself goes. I don't have to worry about the cost of meals on first dates.
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Old 08-17-2019, 08:06 PM
 
13,019 posts, read 10,104,817 times
Reputation: 16567
I offer to pay the check, and when that is declined, split Every Single Time. And if a guy thinks that means I am not interested, I watch him walk away happy that that mismatch was avoided.
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Old 08-17-2019, 11:16 PM
 
Location: Polynesia
2,267 posts, read 1,245,425 times
Reputation: 4056
Quote:
Originally Posted by LLCNYC View Post
And.....you'd be wrong.
He's not wrong in many cases. He's exactly right if he was dating a woman like me. If I know that there is not going to be a second date, I will insist on paying, as I feel it's wrong for me to receive gestures of courtship if I know I am not interested. If I am interested however, I will graciously be receptive to a man's gestures of wooing me however he chooses to do so.
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Old 08-18-2019, 08:30 AM
 
Location: In the Pearl of the Purchase, Ky
7,522 posts, read 13,037,412 times
Reputation: 31353
Always paid for all dates, until we were engaged. Then she told me she WAS going to pay! By that time I knew to say "Yes, Ma'am!" and let her pay!
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Old 08-18-2019, 08:43 AM
 
6,404 posts, read 2,973,105 times
Reputation: 16308
I presume at the beginning of the meal with the following: we will have separate checks, unless Joe would be so graced as to be my guest ..and I'll pay entirely. My one date found that charming . He naturally did the social "ohh but I insist on leaving the tip!".
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Old 08-18-2019, 07:56 PM
 
Location: Cochise county, AZ
5,035 posts, read 3,526,157 times
Reputation: 10738
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nov3 View Post
I presume at the beginning of the meal with the following: we will have separate checks, unless Joe would be so graced as to be my guest ..and I'll pay entirely. My one date found that charming . He naturally did the social "ohh but I insist on leaving the tip!".
Good post.

I always thought of my 5 brothers and always paid for myself.
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Old 08-18-2019, 08:11 PM
 
Location: Central IL
15,262 posts, read 8,681,373 times
Reputation: 35759
Quote:
Originally Posted by LLCNYC View Post
And.....you'd be wrong.
And that's the thing...he'd never KNOW that he was wrong, so he goes on thinking he's got women who pay all figured out - a false understanding with complete confidence.
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