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Old 08-20-2019, 07:13 PM
 
7,860 posts, read 3,085,657 times
Reputation: 13005

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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
I think it is absolutely insulting that you would even imply I operate like that and it makes me furious. Hell I’d never have sex on the first date anyway.
Your comments are transactional, you just don’t recognize it. I’m sorry you’re offended. Really.
Paying it forward for a second date is “getting something” for your money.
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Old 08-20-2019, 07:24 PM
 
7,860 posts, read 3,085,657 times
Reputation: 13005
Quote:
Originally Posted by redplum33 View Post
A woman insisting on paying her share of the check on the first date could mean anything, but I believe that Dissenter's experience is consistent with reality the vast majority of the time (i.e. there won't be a 2nd date).

Lots of bitterness in this thread.
People don’t know the kind of clues they give in an hour or two either, it seems.
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Old 08-20-2019, 07:29 PM
 
Location: California
998 posts, read 272,407 times
Reputation: 2846
Split the check? No.

Pay for my own meal? Yes.
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Old 08-20-2019, 07:51 PM
 
Location: Arlington, VA and Washington, DC
23,768 posts, read 33,699,694 times
Reputation: 32628
Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL View Post
Your comments are transactional, you just don’t recognize it. I’m sorry you’re offended. Really.
Paying it forward for a second date is “getting something” for your money.
If money is involved, there is going to be a transactional element to dating. Sorry, not sorry.
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Old 08-20-2019, 08:56 PM
 
7,860 posts, read 3,085,657 times
Reputation: 13005
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
If money is involved, there is going to be a transactional element to dating. Sorry, not sorry.
What if it’s my money, and I don’t want anything other than for you to have a fun experience and be good company? Are you going to sit there in a stupor not knowing how to respond?
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Old 08-21-2019, 06:10 AM
 
3,303 posts, read 1,744,907 times
Reputation: 9231
Threads like this are so weird to me. The last time I was in the dating world was 18 years ago (met and married my husband since then). No one in my circles -- male or female -- EVER talked about whether the guy should or should not pay. The guys just paid on the first date automatically and usually for several dates after that. We women offered but were waved off and no one angsted about it. My male friends who talked about going on dates NEVER brought up that they were bothered paying for the whole date.



And before you say "it must be a southern thing for the guy to pay" -- no. Almost all my friends then and now are not southerners. I started my dating life outside the south as well.
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Old 08-22-2019, 03:37 PM
 
Location: Arlington, VA and Washington, DC
23,768 posts, read 33,699,694 times
Reputation: 32628
Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL View Post
What if it’s my money, and I don’t want anything other than for you to have a fun experience and be good company? Are you going to sit there in a stupor not knowing how to respond?
No, the most likely scenario is that I’ll wake up 30 seconds later, hit my alarm button, and get ready for work. I can’t see this happening but for my dreams. I’ve never had a woman offer to pay both checks and if that happens, next I expect to get a call from my dead daddy saying it is 25 degrees in hell.
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Old 08-24-2019, 09:03 AM
 
905 posts, read 484,556 times
Reputation: 874
im not an online dater, so may not apply. To me, the person who's the more interested party should pay for first date If the guy asks his coworker, friend of friend, whoever, he should pay. If she's the one who shows the most interest, her friends set her up with the date, etc she should pay. I'd be somewhat irritated if I got asked out to a dinner, wasn't super interested in the other party in the first place, but willing to see if compatible, then expected to pay for a steak dinner that she chose. Splitting the first date check is also a good compromise.
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Old 08-24-2019, 10:44 AM
 
Location: Arlington, VA and Washington, DC
23,768 posts, read 33,699,694 times
Reputation: 32628
Quote:
Originally Posted by rya96797 View Post
im not an online dater, so may not apply. To me, the person who's the more interested party should pay for first date If the guy asks his coworker, friend of friend, whoever, he should pay. If she's the one who shows the most interest, her friends set her up with the date, etc she should pay. I'd be somewhat irritated if I got asked out to a dinner, wasn't super interested in the other party in the first place, but willing to see if compatible, then expected to pay for a steak dinner that she chose. Splitting the first date check is also a good compromise.
Who is more interested? That’d be impossible to gauge since no one wants to appear more interested than the other party. The line, “whoever cares least wins” reigns supreme.
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Old 08-24-2019, 03:30 PM
 
Location: equator
3,736 posts, read 1,640,900 times
Reputation: 9328
I wish. Last guy I dated was an unemployed surfer in Hawaii but he was so funny and comedic, I put up with it. Actually, he was between construction jobs.

First few times, I paid...he never offered. I was kinda curious to see how long this would go on.

Cut him loose after a couple weeks and he was clueless. "Can you tell me why?"

I get that it's hard to be responsibly employed on the Big Island, but still...
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