crush on older 'lesbian' co-worker (lesbians, married, women, lover)
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I am a 27 year old black male. I have a crush on a 40 year old white woman at the store where I work. We work during the same time of day, very early mornings but in different depts. I have worked there for two years and have had a crush on her since I have started working there and early last year I asked her out and she blew me off when I tried to ask her out so I backed off. Well, since then she will say hey to me and sometimes occasionally joke around with me, but thats it. If I try to strike up a conversation she will just be very short with me and not even show interest in the conversation. Then there are times when we will make prolonged eye contact and then she will look away and move on or smile.
I am obsessed with her. I look forward to going to work almost only because of her ( i like my job too, but she makes my day). I love the way her perfume smells, the way she walks, the way she talks...everything. However, I heard from another co-worker who knows her quite well that a "roommate" she claims to live with is not a roommate, but her lesbian lover who she stole from the woman's ex-husband (THATs another story, lol). I have seen them shopping in the store on my crush's day's off. My crush is 40, has never been married, and doesnt have any kids (when she blew me off for a date, she claimed that she had to "babysit" her "roommate"s kids that weekend--meaning the kids her so called roommate had with her ex husband). My crush's supposed roommate looks almost like her and my crush has that stereotypical lesbian look (chubby w/short hair, lol...i know not all lesbians look like this).
I do not know how i can get over my "obsession" or crush as I call it. I have very strong feelings for this woman and sometimes I feel like she makes flirty eye contact (mentioned above) so maybe she is bi and not a lesbian, but either way, other people have mentioned that she is a lesbian. I am bi, myself, so I do not have a problem with it, but I feel resentment like a straight guy feels when he has a crush on a woman who is gay---its like you feel real stupid for having feelings for someone like that.
Anyway, I spend too much time analyzing if this woman is really lesbian or not. I have asked her out one time and been rejected so I dont wanna try again cause I dont wanna seem like I am harassing her and she's a co-worker so I dont wanna "poop where I sleep" , but where do you meet someone for a relationship these days outside of work, esp when you have two jobs? I have not had luck with the internet...ugh. I just wanna get over her and move on but feel stuck. Its been years since I have found someone I feel so strongly for. Maybe its the whole theory about "wanting what we can't have".
My crush is 40, has never been married, and doesnt have any kids (when she blew me off for a date, she claimed that she had to "babysit" her "roommate"s kids that weekend--meaning the kids her so called roommate had with her ex husband).
Well, did the cat get your tongue? Couldn't you ask when it's good for her? And you would've had your answer... if it were to be "never"...
Even now, it doesn't hurt to ask again since she didn't totally brush you off.
well, sierra, after I asked her out and she said that. I asked if she had plans during the week. She sarcastically responded, "well... i work". Then she said she couldnt do anything during the week because she has to get up at 3am. The next weekend she also said she had to "babysit" her "roommates" kids. I then asked if I could call her later to discuss things outside of work and she said, "ummmm...i dont know" (in an unenthusiastic tone) and ignored me the rest of the conversation.
well, sierra, after I asked her out and she said that. I asked if she had plans during the week. She sarcastically responded, "well... i work". Then she said she couldnt do anything during the week because she has to get up at 3am. The next weekend she also said she had to "babysit" her "roommates" kids. I then asked if I could call her later to discuss things outside of work and she said, "ummmm...i dont know" (in an unenthusiastic tone) and ignored me the rest of the conversation.
It doesn't matter what her gender preference is, she isn't exactly being subtle in letting you know she isn't interested. Move on and fish another hole.
I think your interest in her is much heightened by the fact that you haven't found anyone else to occupy your thoughts since you met her. At the same time, you're diminishing your chances to find someone else as long as you're keeping your mind busy with her. Take a hold of the situation and break the vicious circle. Try other venues and activities even if that will make you uncomfortable in the beginning. Continue to be polite to her, but be just that, no extra-thoughts. Women have a special sense for the men who obsess over them - they will never seriously consider them but will keep them around somehow (not lay them off explicitly) in order to get an ego boost every once in a while.
Good luck to you and try to be active instead of stalking ;P
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