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Old 08-18-2019, 10:23 PM
 
10 posts, read 42 times
Reputation: 20

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First off, the wife and I are not doing well in our relationship. Many factors have contributed to it and honestly it doesn't look good. I have been doing therapy for about two years. I apparently have PTSD, anxiety and depression. Some of this is due to the amount of crap she has in the house and how much it drives me crazy. When your countertops have so much stuff on them that you can't put you plate on them to cut up your steak there's a problem. I did bring this to her attention about three months ago after I changed councelors. She suggested I need to make a move. Now, this counselor says my wife is the the one who should be doing counceling. My councelor claims that I likely wouldn't be in the situation I am in if the wife wasn't doing or living the way she has. So i said somethint to the wife. She admitted it was pretty bad. The rest of the house was a complete disaster too. Most of it was her's. I don't like to keep things that aren't needed. Her grandmother is a hoarder, her mom is a hoarder and she is a hoarder. We have a 2 1/2 year old daughter together, I am determined to brake that chain and keep my daughter from becoming like that. My counselor put it into perspective that the way the wife lives could likely effect how my daughter developes and could cause issues in the future.

So the wife did get rid of a lot of stuff or moved it to her mom's or in a storage unit. Frankly I don't want to know. It still isn't enough and I am still very unhappy. I'm afraid I am pass the point of no return. Wife and I haven't slept in the same bed in 8 to 10 months. Sex isn't in the picture either. Last few times we did I felt awkward and not satisfied. I feel awkward just being close to her let alone coming in contact with her in one form or another. We don't talk hardly any either. She's not a bad person I just can't be happy around/with her. She is passive-aggressive as well. I feel she takes advantage of my "niceness" often and I submit to it. My counselor has stated this. So I am asking for help because I know I need it. I want to know what everyone else's feels or would do, male and female perspectives would be great. Ask anything that would help you help me. Thanks

AJ
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Old 08-18-2019, 10:27 PM
 
10 posts, read 42 times
Reputation: 20
Forgot, back when I brought up all the stuff in the house I told her that I couldn't live in that anymore and I refused to have my daughter live in it as well. So I gave her an ultimatum and said the stuff all needs to go or I'm going and this wasn't the first time that conversation has been made. It was brought up in the resent past years.
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Old 08-18-2019, 10:34 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,875 posts, read 42,484,589 times
Reputation: 84691
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aj86 View Post
Forgot, back when I brought up all the stuff in the house I told her that I couldn't live in that anymore and I refused to have my daughter live in it as well. So I gave her an ultimatum and said the stuff all needs to go or I'm going and this wasn't the first time that conversation has been made. It was brought up in the resent past years.
So did you follow through with the ultimatum? Or are you still living there??
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Old 08-18-2019, 10:36 PM
 
Location: Outside US
1,340 posts, read 536,230 times
Reputation: 1756
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aj86 View Post
First off, the wife and I are not doing well in our relationship. Many factors have contributed to it and honestly it doesn't look good. I have been doing therapy for about two years. I apparently have PTSD, anxiety and depression.
Apparently?

You are either diagnosed by by a first and second qualified opinion, or you are not.
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Old 08-18-2019, 10:54 PM
 
Location: Texas
10,069 posts, read 3,858,936 times
Reputation: 20473
FYI, storage units are a waste of money.

Hoarding is a psychological problem, too.
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Old 08-18-2019, 11:20 PM
 
10 posts, read 42 times
Reputation: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
So did you follow through with the ultimatum? Or are you still living there??
We still live under the same roof. I sleep in the basement and she's up in what was our bedroom. We haven't slept in the same bed in months. As far as the ultimatum.... that's sort of what this post is for. I need help in being steered because frankly I'm frightened.
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Old 08-18-2019, 11:21 PM
 
10 posts, read 42 times
Reputation: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by Returning2USA View Post
Apparently?

You are either diagnosed by by a first and second qualified opinion, or you are not.
I've had three counselors tell me I show significant signs of PTSD so if that counts then I suppose it's a fact.
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Old 08-18-2019, 11:24 PM
 
10 posts, read 42 times
Reputation: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
FYI, storage units are a waste of money.

Hoarding is a psychological problem, too.
I agree on both statements. However, since she is passive-aggressive she doesn't think she has an issue and doesn't need to seek help. She has just made statements that if I keep seeking help "she supports me." Funny thing is my current councilor said she should be the one in here.
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Old Yesterday, 01:29 AM
 
Location: Fuquay Varina
4,671 posts, read 6,734,303 times
Reputation: 11721
Just move. Establish yourself on your own then get custody of your child.
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Old Yesterday, 01:38 AM
 
7,798 posts, read 3,054,712 times
Reputation: 12839
I’m wondering why you’ve needed three different counselors in two years, and how all three would come to the conclusion that living in a messy house with no countertop space is a Trumatic event.

When we consider the type of person diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, it is because something very Trumatic has happened to them, and they are having behaviors directly related to that traumatic event.

You quit having sex 8 to 10 months ago, but only told her three months ago why that is? Didn’t she notice?

Last edited by RbccL; Yesterday at 01:47 AM..
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