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Old 08-19-2019, 08:23 PM
 
Location: San Antonio/Houston/Tricity
38,807 posts, read 56,631,930 times
Reputation: 91407

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Quote:
Originally Posted by topher5150 View Post
It's nothing to do with fear about telling her what I want I just don't want her to feel bad for trying to make me feel better.
You don't know - maybe she is tired of organizing those parties and trying to make you feel good, and will be relieved and happy not to have to do it anymore
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Old 08-19-2019, 08:47 PM
 
5,471 posts, read 2,914,749 times
Reputation: 9951
Birthday parties are for children and women.

Educate your wife/partner /girlfriend on such facts and she will comply.
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Old 08-19-2019, 10:13 PM
 
Location: Polynesia
2,272 posts, read 1,252,156 times
Reputation: 4071
Have you ever thrown a birthday party for your wife? I think oftentimes people give gifts that they themselves would like to receive. Perhaps she thinks that a party will delight you (despite your protests) because it is something that would delight HER.

I'm like you, OP. I don't like being the center of attention either and a birthday party is exactly the opposite of what I would enjoy on my birthday. That's why I always make plans to vacation away from home on my birthday.

Bottomline: Be grateful that your wife loves and cares about you so much. Throw a party for her!
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Old 08-19-2019, 11:16 PM
 
Location: Martinsburg, West Virginia
38 posts, read 5,587 times
Reputation: 124
I have been fighting this fight ... forever. I too do not like having a birthday. Here in anonymity, I am 54 years old. I tell people that I am 23 because I lost my birthdays in traffic court because I got too many speeding tickets as a kid. I make it a joke and most people just drop it. There are those that just will not respect my wishes and leave me alone on my "special day." I remember the day of birth of others. I do so gladly. Same with Christmas. I want nothing, just left alone. It's fun for me to remember a few other people, but I really want to be left alone. I am not Ebenezer Scrooge; I enjoy giving gifts and do not begrudge others their celebrations. I prefer to be left alone, though.
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Old 08-20-2019, 06:22 AM
 
Location: Grand Rapids, Michigan
2,113 posts, read 3,607,896 times
Reputation: 2082
I don't mind having a few people over the thing that irks me is that I can't really say that I have any friends so when she puts something together it's usually either her friends/mutual acquaintances, or some of her cousins that come for the food. So doing something for my birthday and holidays in general make me feel kind of miserable.

I am truly greatful to have someone like her in my life.

I thought about throwing her a party but I don't ever talk to any of her friends or family so it would involve some extra sleuthing
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Old 08-20-2019, 06:34 AM
 
13,207 posts, read 10,171,701 times
Reputation: 16729
Quote:
Originally Posted by topher5150 View Post
I don't mind having a few people over the thing that irks me is that I can't really say that I have any friends so when she puts something together it's usually either her friends/mutual acquaintances, or some of her cousins that come for the food. So doing something for my birthday and holidays in general make me feel kind of miserable.

I am truly greatful to have someone like her in my life.

I thought about throwing her a party but I don't ever talk to any of her friends or family so it would involve some extra sleuthing
You have mentioned this several times. Have you considered that THIS is the issue and you are bothered by the symptom rather than the problem? Would you benefit by making friends?
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Old 08-20-2019, 09:59 AM
 
Location: Toronto
396 posts, read 87,823 times
Reputation: 363
Get your wife in control. Just say you want it to just be you and her. It seems like your wife is the social butterfly and likes to get people together.

Really, past 30, birthdays are a CHORE for other people to attend. In your 20s, people are still meeting people, have lots of energy, curious about life still, trying to 'hook' up. But older, tell her forget it. You're just burdening them. Especially any with children. Try to emphasize that it really makes you unhappy to have these birthdays. If you have to, and she keeps insisting "it's YOUR Bday", say you're not going to attend. Basically, forget the cake.

Now it's different if she positions it as a happening 'bash', that makes people want to come, and it just so happens, it's your bday too so another reason to getogether, so the focus and attention isn't on you per se, let her do it.

It's good networking for some ppl, and there may still be singles that may get together. Also, staying social is generally important as we age, vs the dark, lonesome, depressive, isolated path you seem to be embracing OP.
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Old 08-30-2019, 06:33 AM
 
Location: Grand Rapids, Michigan
2,113 posts, read 3,607,896 times
Reputation: 2082
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
You have mentioned this several times. Have you considered that THIS is the issue and you are bothered by the symptom rather than the problem? Would you benefit by making friends?
I don't doubt that I could use some friends. This has been something that I've never been good at, and the few people that I did hang out with for a while all kind of moved on with their lives.
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Old 08-30-2019, 07:14 AM
 
231 posts, read 47,736 times
Reputation: 467
Respectfully, why make a thread about this?? This "issue" can be solved fairly quickly:

"Honey, I don't really want a party this year, let's do something else instead."

"Really, what did you have in mind?"

"A romantic dinner for two "

"I'm in, let's do it"
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Old Today, 03:11 PM
 
9,747 posts, read 13,634,541 times
Reputation: 5893
Quote:
Originally Posted by topher5150 View Post
I think my wife has been feeling sorry for me again. Every year about this time my birthday get's brought up and every year I tell I don't want you to do anything it's just to damn depressing when your wife has to convince people to come out and celebrate your birthday with you especially the "milestone" birthdays. I don't want to crush her spirit but how do you tell a stubborn woman when to back off.
LOL my husband hates his birthday and refuses to celebrate also. I don't understand. It should be a happy fun time.
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