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Old 08-19-2019, 07:40 AM
 
Location: Grand Rapids, Michigan
2,113 posts, read 3,607,896 times
Reputation: 2082

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I think my wife has been feeling sorry for me again. Every year about this time my birthday get's brought up and every year I tell I don't want you to do anything it's just to damn depressing when your wife has to convince people to come out and celebrate your birthday with you especially the "milestone" birthdays. I don't want to crush her spirit but how do you tell a stubborn woman when to back off.
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Old 08-19-2019, 07:42 AM
 
Location: San Antonio/Houston/Tricity
38,804 posts, read 56,631,930 times
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So, for next birthday just plan a short trip for just two of you.
Tell her you don't want parties and that you want to spend Your day different now.

If you "cheerfully" participate in those b-day parties, your wife thinks you are enjoying them. You NEED to TELL her that you don't want them anymore. Don't expect others to read your mind.
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Last edited by elnina; 08-19-2019 at 08:11 AM..
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Old 08-19-2019, 08:11 AM
 
Location: Canada
9,145 posts, read 8,461,102 times
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I like elnina's advice to take control over and make plans for your own birthday.

Does your wife try to have a party for you every year?
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Old 08-19-2019, 08:20 AM
 
Location: Grand Rapids, Michigan
2,113 posts, read 3,607,896 times
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Not every year but usually I shoot it down before she gets a chance to plan anything, but this year she snuck past my radar.
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Old 08-19-2019, 08:29 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
44,200 posts, read 42,737,828 times
Reputation: 85516
Quote:
Originally Posted by topher5150 View Post
Not every year but usually I shoot it down before she gets a chance to plan anything, but this year she snuck past my radar.
So it's already planned and people are already invited?

Apparently you are super self-conscious …maybe anxious about being the center of attention? Are you like this with other stuff?
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Old 08-19-2019, 08:34 AM
 
Location: Grand Rapids, Michigan
2,113 posts, read 3,607,896 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
So it's already planned and people are already invited?

Apparently you are super self-conscious …maybe anxious about being the center of attention? Are you like this with other stuff?
Not going to lie that is me. What really gets me is when she's the only one who puts anything together for my birthday and only a handful of people show up after some arm twisting.
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Old 08-19-2019, 08:37 AM
 
Location: Canada
9,145 posts, read 8,461,102 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by topher5150 View Post
Not every year but usually I shoot it down before she gets a chance to plan anything, but this year she snuck past my radar.
I find it odd that she keeps forcing a party on you when you don't want it. Does she like birthday parties and feels you should too? I find it a bit disrespectful to push something you don't want.

I also find it odd to have birthday parties for adults when it's not a milestone birthday, but maybe that's just me.
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Old 08-19-2019, 08:37 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
44,200 posts, read 42,737,828 times
Reputation: 85516
Quote:
Originally Posted by topher5150 View Post
Not going to lie that is me. What really gets me is when she's the only one who puts anything together for my birthday and only a handful of people show up after some arm twisting.
Well, I have to tell you ... that you need to work on that self-consciousness, of course. It's impossible for us to know if people truly have to be convinced/forced to attend your birthday party or if that's just your warped view of things, based on your anxiety.

Have you ever put your foot down with her about stuff that is important to you? Are you generally able to convince your wife to NOT do something she wants to do "for you"?
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Old 08-19-2019, 09:14 AM
 
Location: Grand Rapids, Michigan
2,113 posts, read 3,607,896 times
Reputation: 2082
To say I am my own worst critic is to true. My 30th birthday had a lot of people back out, and she ended up having to convince some people to show up.
I tell her that I'd rather not have anything for my birthday, but her being her I don't think she can help herself when she sees someone hurting or in need. Usually she's pretty good at respecting things like this, but like i said she sees some one hurting and she's got to try and fix it.
I don't that I am having a pity-party, but it makes a guy feel kind of crummy not having to many people in my circle.
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Old 08-19-2019, 09:15 AM
Status: "You don't...have...to live like a refugee." (set 10 hours ago)
 
2,081 posts, read 1,009,805 times
Reputation: 5748
Serious question, what is it that you fear will happen should you finally speak up for yourself and tell her no party this year, or ever again? Will the mountains tumble into the sea, will the very stars themselves fall from the sky?

I never understood the concept of married men who are absolutely terrified of their wives.
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