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Old 08-20-2019, 08:29 AM
 
344 posts, read 109,262 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Auraliea View Post
OP, may I ask why you keep giving these guys the benefit of the doubt? What makes you think things will be any different? Genuine question.
I don't know, I've been thinking about the real reason since I saw your question but I don't have an answer. Some of it may be laziness to try to find someone else. I haven't been to meet ups, I haven't been places where I could meet someone. I'm just online which is awful. I'm lazy because I think it will be very difficult to find an attractive man who has his life in order.

That combination seems impossible in my age range, though I know I need to look somewhere other than online. I do want to be with someone. Being single sucks. It has it's moments, I've gotten used to it here and there over the years but I believe anyone who disagrees is in denial.


So I want someone, the attraction is still there with some people from the past so that's half of it. The other poster stated the definition of insanity, doing the same thing, expecting different results. A lot of truth to that. I believe he made some changes, I knew he had.

I always said he took my criticism seriously and I bet he still did what I suggested even after the break up because he thinks I'm smart in many ways and wanted to learn. Sounds like he has, I believe some of the "I've changed" with him. Some of it. I think people believe because they want to believe. I want to believe there's a chance it could work.


There's a chance, not a great one which is why I do plan to continue looking elsewhere too. This time I don't want to put all my eggs in one basket. It's just a chance, if we see each other again, I will be open minded like he asked me to be. He wants to forget about the past, he always says that. (Forget my bad behavior, pretend it never happened) but no, I will not forget.
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Old 08-20-2019, 08:32 AM
 
403 posts, read 102,854 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Auraliea View Post
OP, may I ask why you keep giving these guys the benefit of the doubt? What makes you think things will be any different? Genuine question.

Because not untypical she has attraction for him and would really like if he changed. She's doing the right thing "just watching to see if he's really changed". I recommend she watch very closely and over time to see if he really has changed. People can change. She just needs to keep her distance, verify it and not because he says so, but because it's proven over long period of time his change is real.
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Old 08-20-2019, 09:01 AM
 
344 posts, read 109,262 times
Reputation: 257
Quote:
Originally Posted by james112 View Post
Because not untypical she has attraction for him and would really like if he changed. She's doing the right thing "just watching to see if he's really changed". I recommend she watch very closely and over time to see if he really has changed. People can change. She just needs to keep her distance, verify it and not because he says so, but because it's proven over long period of time his change is real.
Thank you. You understand. :-D
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Old 08-20-2019, 09:14 AM
 
676 posts, read 510,487 times
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Itīs seems you still like him and is OK to give a try.
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Old 08-20-2019, 03:17 PM
 
Location: In a place beyond human comprehension
7,756 posts, read 4,977,090 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Idkeither View Post
I don't know, I've been thinking about the real reason since I saw your question but I don't have an answer. Some of it may be laziness to try to find someone else. I haven't been to meet ups, I haven't been places where I could meet someone. I'm just online which is awful. I'm lazy because I think it will be very difficult to find an attractive man who has his life in order.

That combination seems impossible in my age range, though I know I need to look somewhere other than online. I do want to be with someone. Being single sucks. It has it's moments, I've gotten used to it here and there over the years but I believe anyone who disagrees is in denial.
And the bolded is where you're completely wrong, but you're entitled to your opinion.

Quote:
Originally Posted by james112 View Post
Because not untypical she has attraction for him and would really like if he changed. She's doing the right thing "just watching to see if he's really changed". I recommend she watch very closely and over time to see if he really has changed. People can change. She just needs to keep her distance, verify it and not because he says so, but because it's proven over long period of time his change is real.
I get that, but at what point do you accept reality and realize your self worth enough to stop settling for BS. I get as humans we have weak moments, but if it becomes a pattern, some introspection is in order. Big time.
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Old Yesterday, 12:42 AM
 
344 posts, read 109,262 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Auraliea View Post
And the bolded is where you're completely wrong, but you're entitled to your opinion.



I get that, but at what point do you accept reality and realize your self worth enough to stop settling for BS. I get as humans we have weak moments, but if it becomes a pattern, some introspection is in order. Big time.
I've introspected quite a bit, have always been a self analyzer. There's only so much thinking that can be done. I have decided to check this out, I'm not jumping in to anything, nor is he. I believe sometimes just living is good, it's time for experiences. This will be good at this time more than more self analysis. I know me, my beliefs, true it may not be the same as everyone else- especially where relationship is concerned. The plan is stay focused on me and my relationship goals, go with the flow and observe his patterns as we continue to talk.
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Old Yesterday, 02:56 PM
 
868 posts, read 956,297 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Idkeither View Post
What are his intentions?
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Old Yesterday, 04:52 PM
 
14,331 posts, read 7,654,668 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Idkeither View Post
I haven't been to meet ups, I haven't been places where I could meet someone. I'm just online which is awful. I'm lazy because I think it will be very difficult to find an attractive man who has his life in order.

That combination seems impossible in my age range, though I know I need to look somewhere other than online. I do want to be with someone. Being single sucks. It has it's moments, I've gotten used to it here and there over the years but I believe anyone who disagrees is in denial.
Youíre 40? What age range are you talking. There are an awful lot of 40-something guys who have their life in order but they no longer look 28. Maybe you should focus on the life in order thing and basic compatibility first. You donít want the ex who claims some miraculous life change because thatís what you want to hear.
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Old Yesterday, 05:42 PM
 
344 posts, read 109,262 times
Reputation: 257
Quote:
Originally Posted by GeoffD View Post
Youíre 40? What age range are you talking. There are an awful lot of 40-something guys who have their life in order but they no longer look 28. Maybe you should focus on the life in order thing and basic compatibility first. You donít want the ex who claims some miraculous life change because thatís what you want to hear.
True he couldn't have changed that much in 4 months. But he has implemented some changes and I had a gut feeling he would improve these months of no contact. It wasn't a manipulation on my part. When I left I had no intention of going back.

True, you do have a point. I'm not looking for someone who looks 28, but it seems to me men my age and even younger are overweight, bald and have problems in the sexual performance area. I at least want someone I will be attracted to and have a good physical relationship with. I wish there were as many attractive men in their 40s as there are women. Seems us ladies stay in shape, dress well and take care of ourselves. Part of having your life in order in your 40s surely is being actively health conscious, wouldn't you agree?
Still excellent advice. I may just be being lazy again which has gotten me here- single and middle aged. (but I really don't know all the "whys")
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Old Yesterday, 08:33 PM
 
5,031 posts, read 1,557,286 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Idkeither View Post
What are his intentions?
He clearly wants to get back together. And I think you should give him another chance.
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