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Old 08-20-2019, 05:21 AM
 
7 posts, read 1,719 times
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If you loved your SO and you believe they do too, would you leave them if they had a habit of lying about certain things, such as money? Would it make a difference if both don't live together? Even if the lying has no direct impact on you, does it make them less reliable overall or worse (a bad person, etc.)?
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Old 08-20-2019, 05:23 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
44,057 posts, read 42,635,560 times
Reputation: 85186
Quote:
Originally Posted by Integrityornot View Post
If you loved your SO and you believe they do too, would you leave them if they had a habit of lying about certain things, such as money? Would it make a difference if both don't live together? Even if the lying has no direct impact on you, does it make them less reliable overall or worse (a bad person, etc.)?
Lying is NOT love.
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Old 08-20-2019, 05:23 AM
 
13,157 posts, read 10,145,543 times
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I wish I had learned the importance of saying yes to this question

"would you leave them if they had a habit of lying "

YES.
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Old 08-20-2019, 05:26 AM
 
7 posts, read 1,719 times
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What if you can "justify" their lying - for example, they may be too ashamed to tell you the truth? But they have promised in the past not to lie and while they seem to lie less, you still catch them lying about the same thing?
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Old 08-20-2019, 05:31 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
44,057 posts, read 42,635,560 times
Reputation: 85186
Quote:
Originally Posted by Integrityornot View Post
What if you can "justify" their lying - for example, they may be too ashamed to tell you the truth? But they have promised in the past not to lie and while they seem to lie less, you still catch them lying about the same thing?
Itís a matter of respect.

They donít respect you. They donít respect themselves.

It ALWAYS ďaffectsĒ you.

Itís NOT love.
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Old 08-20-2019, 05:32 AM
 
1,134 posts, read 1,843,227 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
Lying is NOT love.
And love is never enough to sustain a relationship. Integrity, faithfulness, trust must be part of the equation.
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Old 08-20-2019, 05:56 AM
 
7 posts, read 1,719 times
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When I catch him in the lies, he says I lie to him and my adult son - in particular, I do downplay my relationship with my SO b/c my son feels uncomfortable about him and with him; so I don't share much information with my son and when asked by my SO, I leave the answers brief. Not sure how this "justifies" his lying over and over and despite him telling me he won't do it again.
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Old 08-20-2019, 06:11 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
44,057 posts, read 42,635,560 times
Reputation: 85186
Quote:
Originally Posted by Integrityornot View Post
When I catch him in the lies, he says I lie to him and my adult son - in particular, I do downplay my relationship with my SO b/c my son feels uncomfortable about him and with him; so I don't share much information with my son and when asked by my SO, I leave the answers brief. Not sure how this "justifies" his lying over and over and despite him telling me he won't do it again.
Guess what - "downplaying" your relationship is dishonest as well. So now YOU are lying too, to your own son. smh

Do you enjoy "catching" him in his lies? Is it a game for you? Or do you think so little of yourself that you figure this is the best you can get.

All in all, it just makes you look like an idiot for tolerating it.
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Old 08-20-2019, 06:15 AM
 
2,220 posts, read 1,739,575 times
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Obviously no one likes lying or being lied to. But if his lies protect him from feeling inferior in someway, then I can empathize a bit. I'm not saying you should condone lying though, but if you otherwise care for him, you might want to understand root cause.
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Old 08-20-2019, 06:15 AM
 
7 posts, read 1,719 times
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It makes me mad and then it makes me really sad....I keep trusting him b/c I know we love each other and enjoy our company together but then you're right, I look like an idiot for tolerating this.
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