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Old 08-21-2019, 09:33 AM
 
787 posts, read 271,494 times
Reputation: 2485

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Oh my, no. You need to do your homework.

You will need to show financial means to support him for the next 10 years, regardless of the status of your relationship. This includes health care expenses, which could rack up into the tens of thousands very easily.

If you keep it a secret, that would count against you when (if) you get to the interview stage.

If he is awesome enough to find a company willing to sponsor him, he could be awesome enough to get another company willing to sponsor him. Investigate that option first.
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Old 08-21-2019, 09:55 AM
 
8,597 posts, read 7,234,335 times
Reputation: 9067
You or whoever else you find to sponsor him is going to be responsible for him for the next 10 years after his immigration. He won’t be able to work for quite some time once in the country, you’ll be responsible for this as well.
You’ll also be spending a few grand on paperwork just to get to the stage of an interview...and more after that for his green card and his citizenships if he chooses to fully migrate.

The Immigration process could take up to five years depending on a number of factors outside of your own control.

If you’re willing to put that type of burden on to yourself, go ahead.
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Old 08-21-2019, 10:17 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
79,336 posts, read 71,606,028 times
Reputation: 77646
Quote:
Originally Posted by funymann View Post
Do you love him?

Are you in love with him?

If yes, than yes get married.
To which I'd add: do you two get along pretty well? Deal with stress ok together? Do you think being married might change the quality of the relationship, as in some couples, where suddenly one of them starts taking the other for granted, and things get weird?

Also: a specialist in marriage and family law doesn't necessarily know the relevant Immigration law.

So, to continue on that latter theme: changing his visa status by getting married is frowned upon by INS. You're supposed to let him go back home, then apply for a fiance visa for him. Still, people do marry foreigners who are in the US under one visa status or another (students, temp workers, whatever). INS will treat this suspiciously, and will interview both of you separately, to try to determine if the marriage is "real". They'll ask each of you, separately but at the same time, so you can't pass answers to each other, things like: what side of the bed do you (and he) typically sleep on, and other minutiae of your daily habits, to see if your answers match. If you get divorced in less than two years, they'll consider you to have committed fraud, which has serious consequences.

I think, that since you two are so into each other, no, you're not crazy for thinking of marriage as a solution. I only hope your relationship is on very solid ground. And I don't know about the "it's only a transaction" view of it. Would he feel the same about it? Would your feelings about it change, as time goes by? When such an intimate thing as marriage is involved, I don't think it can be so cut-and-dried. Human feelings are notoriously subject to shifting in matters such as this. Which wouldn't be a problem as long as you two shift together.

Best wishes, OP!
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Old 08-21-2019, 11:16 AM
 
1,481 posts, read 621,808 times
Reputation: 1766
Quote:
Originally Posted by gus2 View Post
Oh my, no. You need to do your homework.

You will need to show financial means to support him for the next 10 years, regardless of the status of your relationship. This includes health care expenses, which could rack up into the tens of thousands very easily.

If you keep it a secret, that would count against you when (if) you get to the interview stage.

If he is awesome enough to find a company willing to sponsor him, he could be awesome enough to get another company willing to sponsor him. Investigate that option first.
I think you missed a key part. He is already working here in the US. If anything he makes more than me. His salary here in the US is about $160k a year (mine is $100k). He has about $50k in savings (however if he quits his job he has to give back $30k to his employer).

You are right, definitely need to do my homework, but is already in the US living here and on a work visa, and making a lot more than your average American (and a lot more saved too).

Your second option, that's what I told him too. That he should look at an alternative company that will give him the opportunity. He works for one of the biggest and best consulting firms in the country. He could get jobs in a lot of different places and also holds an MBA. That's something that I have pushed on him too.
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Old 08-21-2019, 11:18 AM
 
1,481 posts, read 621,808 times
Reputation: 1766
Quote:
Originally Posted by rego00123 View Post
You or whoever else you find to sponsor him is going to be responsible for him for the next 10 years after his immigration. He won’t be able to work for quite some time once in the country, you’ll be responsible for this as well.
You’ll also be spending a few grand on paperwork just to get to the stage of an interview...and more after that for his green card and his citizenships if he chooses to fully migrate.

The Immigration process could take up to five years depending on a number of factors outside of your own control.

If you’re willing to put that type of burden on to yourself, go ahead.
He's already in the country, and already on a US work visa. He's been in the US for about 5 years now. The financial part is no issue as he currently makes about $160k a year and has $50k in savings. I make $100k so I think the financial part should be easy to handle.

But I do know it's a big decision that I need to do more research on.
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Old 08-21-2019, 11:22 AM
 
787 posts, read 271,494 times
Reputation: 2485
Quote:
Originally Posted by frimpter928 View Post
I think you missed a key part. He is already working here in the US. If anything he makes more than me. His salary here in the US is about $160k a year (mine is $100k). He has about $50k in savings (however if he quits his job he has to give back $30k to his employer).

You are right, definitely need to do my homework, but is already in the US living here and on a work visa, and making a lot more than your average American (and a lot more saved too).

Your second option, that's what I told him too. That he should look at an alternative company that will give him the opportunity. He works for one of the biggest and best consulting firms in the country. He could get jobs in a lot of different places and also holds an MBA. That's something that I have pushed on him too.
It's great that he's making money and has savings. Doesn't matter. He could get laid off at any point, lose health insurance, send his money back to family or gamble it all away. Or, he could support himself without any issue or drama. Either way, you will be legally responsible for him financially for 10 years.

https://www.uscis.gov/greencard/affidavit-support
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Old 08-21-2019, 11:26 AM
 
1,481 posts, read 621,808 times
Reputation: 1766
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
To which I'd add: do you two get along pretty well? Deal with stress ok together? Do you think being married might change the quality of the relationship, as in some couples, where suddenly one of them starts taking the other for granted, and things get weird?

Also: a specialist in marriage and family law doesn't necessarily know the relevant Immigration law.

So, to continue on that latter theme: changing his visa status by getting married is frowned upon by INS. You're supposed to let him go back home, then apply for a fiance visa for him. Still, people do marry foreigners who are in the US under one visa status or another (students, temp workers, whatever). INS will treat this suspiciously, and will interview both of you separately, to try to determine if the marriage is "real". They'll ask each of you, separately but at the same time, so you can't pass answers to each other, things like: what side of the bed do you (and he) typically sleep on, and other minutiae of your daily habits, to see if your answers match. If you get divorced in less than two years, they'll consider you to have committed fraud, which has serious consequences.

I think, that since you two are so into each other, no, you're not crazy for thinking of marriage as a solution. I only hope your relationship is on very solid ground. And I don't know about the "it's only a transaction" view of it. Would he feel the same about it? Would your feelings about it change, as time goes by? When such an intimate thing as marriage is involved, I don't think it can be so cut-and-dried. Human feelings are notoriously subject to shifting in matters such as this. Which wouldn't be a problem as long as you two shift together.

Best wishes, OP!
We get along extremely well. A year ago (when we were just friends) we had an issue and since then we have learned to communicate with each other when issues arise, which is why where we have gotten to where we are now. I would say I have never been in a relationships (platonic or romantic) little by little we have worked very hard to make sure that our relationship is solid and stable.

We have had bumps in the road, two bumps way back when, and we both came to the table to figure things out. I will say as our relationship has progressed it seems like it is solidifying more and more, in terms of stability and really looking out for the relationship and working together on that. We truly feel like a team.

In regards to it being more tansactional, I think I say it more for these forums. I don't want people on here to get an impression that I am doing it to lock him down or something, as people on her can be accustaory. If I were to bring it up I would bring it up from a very honest and vulernable place. More of a "I love you and I want to help you."

Neither him or I big into marriage. We are gay, and he my father was a serial cheater, and my boyfriend isn't one to truly think that marriage is necessary for a relationship. I think that's what I mean by it being transactional. Neither is saying we would never get married, it's just not that important to us.

I do see an amazing future with him, but at the same time marriage is big step and I don't want to position it in the wrong way.
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Old 08-21-2019, 03:13 PM
 
Location: Northern Wisconsin
9,008 posts, read 7,841,859 times
Reputation: 15577
Seriously consider whether you really want this man as husband and father of your children, not just to save him from deportation.
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Old 08-21-2019, 05:21 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
79,336 posts, read 71,606,028 times
Reputation: 77646
Quote:
Originally Posted by gus2 View Post
Oh my, no. You need to do your homework.

You will need to show financial means to support him for the next 10 years, regardless of the status of your relationship. This includes health care expenses, which could rack up into the tens of thousands very easily.

If you keep it a secret, that would count against you when (if) you get to the interview stage.

If he is awesome enough to find a company willing to sponsor him, he could be awesome enough to get another company willing to sponsor him. Investigate that option first.
OP, the bolded is a very important point. You really will need to have a ceremony, and invite at least a few friends. It needs to look, and quack, like a "real" marriage, incl. a wedding. They may interview your friends/relatives. It doesn't have to be a big blow-out wedding, but it needs to have witnesses. IDK about a reception with the trimmings. But you can't keep it secret. Maybe your family or a friend could have a modest reception in their home. You could have a wedding ceremony in a park. None of this needs to be big and expensive, but it does need to happen in some form.

Good catch, gus2!
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Old 08-22-2019, 12:54 PM
 
1,481 posts, read 621,808 times
Reputation: 1766
Good news! They are moving him on to a project one that is a lot less stressful and demanding so it seems like this next one will give him more balance. It will be a six month one. His last week on this hellacious one is over next week.

So it sounds like for now things are stabilizing a little more.

Thanks everyone for the feedback!
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