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Old 08-21-2019, 10:51 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,941 posts, read 42,545,460 times
Reputation: 84893

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Max_is_here View Post

I saw a bunch of trashy women.
I get it. The last time I entered just my preferred age range and scanned the profiles, I saw a lot of guys with shaved heads wearing Oakley sunglasses and shirts in colors I just can't abide. It can be off-putting. But it didn't send me into a spiral. It just told me that this wasn't a method that was going to work for me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Max_is_here View Post

I'm more curious about what I should do to meet "my people", since I kind of don't have any. Most of my pursuits are solitary or just massively male dominated. If I go to a car show or something, I'd venture to say most of the women are already there with men. So... I don't know what to do.
Obviously if you want different results you have to do something different. You need to change your routine, whether you think you want to or not.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Max_is_here View Post

I don't want to get out and do anything, anywhere. I'm a homebody.
OK, but that isn't ALL there is to you.

It's good to know yourself and your limits, but you also can't let your self-imposed label seclude you from human connection. Do you have male friends?

Obviously you can't just be a homebody. You are a multi-layered person with interests. And you didn't get here on this earth by immaculate conception. You are the result of human interaction, so it's natural that even though you prefer less company than some, you still want and need connection.

Bottom line: You will have to push yourself sometimes. That's it. If online dating isn't for you, and it sounds like it isn't, use the internet in other ways. Try Meetup groups or just discussion forums where you can chat with people and connect mentally. It's a great way to build attraction. In my almost 10 years on this forum, I know which posters I could get along with in real life.

But right now just take time to debrief the fiasco you just got out of and why you went down that path.

 
Old 08-21-2019, 10:52 PM
 
306 posts, read 212,264 times
Reputation: 419
Quote:
Originally Posted by BobCaldwell View Post
All I have to contribute here is support for you to quit smoking. This is coming from a guy who enjoyed cigarettes like kids enjoy Snicker bars. Once you seriously consider the health problems--and having to try to live through and treat them--it becomes a bit easier. I send positive energy your way and sincerely hope you quit smoking.

Much appreciated. I've been a self loathing smoker for years now and it's highly frowned upon by my employer and it's about to get even MORE highly frowned upon. So, yeah, it's a bad thing to be doing.


My thought that it kills off a huge swath of very good dating candidates I also feel is valid. I'm just not seeing a picture out there of a lot of well put together (in terms of their lives) women who are smokers, and I don't think I should expect to... I guess I'm wondering if looking at smokers is adversely effecting my dating pool.
 
Old 08-21-2019, 10:53 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,941 posts, read 42,545,460 times
Reputation: 84893
Quote:
Originally Posted by Max_is_here View Post

I guess I'm wondering if looking at smokers is adversely effecting my dating pool.
Yes.
 
Old 08-21-2019, 10:56 PM
 
306 posts, read 212,264 times
Reputation: 419
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
Bottom line: You will have to push yourself sometimes. That's it. If online dating isn't for you, and it sounds like it isn't, use the internet in other ways. Try Meetup groups or just discussion forums where you can chat with people and connect mentally. It's a great way to build attraction. In my almost 10 years on this forum, I know which posters I could get along with in real life.

But right now just take time to debrief the fiasco you just got out of and why you went down that path.

I'm asking what those other options are. Meetup doesn't really exist around here and I'm not sure what other forums are available that aren't just, literally, prostitution rings. Despite how it may sound like I'm treating it like shopping on Amazon, taking a look around to see what good ladies are out there is highly motivational to me to get something going on my side (and emotionally, is a large boost... just show me there's light at the end of the tunnel so I can get down to my business of pulling myself back together). So... Where are those places, because I don't think I'm finding them.
 
Old 08-21-2019, 11:02 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,941 posts, read 42,545,460 times
Reputation: 84893
Quote:
Originally Posted by Max_is_here View Post
I'm asking what those other options are. Meetup doesn't really exist around here and I'm not sure what other forums are available that aren't just, literally, prostitution rings. Despite how it may sound like I'm treating it like shopping on Amazon, taking a look around to see what good ladies are out there is highly motivational to me to get something going on my side (and emotionally, is a large boost... just show me there's light at the end of the tunnel so I can get down to my business of pulling myself back together). So... Where are those places, because I don't think I'm finding them.
Where do you live???
 
Old 08-21-2019, 11:04 PM
 
306 posts, read 212,264 times
Reputation: 419
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
Where do you live???

North-Central Indiana.
 
Old 08-21-2019, 11:06 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,941 posts, read 42,545,460 times
Reputation: 84893
Quote:
Originally Posted by Max_is_here View Post
North-Central Indiana.
Ugh ok yeah.

Seriously, can you relocate?
 
Old 08-21-2019, 11:09 PM
 
Location: The point of no return, er, NorCal
7,256 posts, read 4,712,185 times
Reputation: 9345
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
Ugh ok yeah.

Seriously, can you relocate?
Bahahaha. My first thought was “that’s unfortunate. Is moving an option?”
 
Old 08-21-2019, 11:14 PM
 
5,040 posts, read 1,561,622 times
Reputation: 7035
That's not far from Chicago.
 
Old 08-21-2019, 11:16 PM
 
7,830 posts, read 3,070,008 times
Reputation: 12920
The ironic thing here is Max, reading your posts I donít get the impression youíre way above those women youíre looking at online...they very well may think the same about you.
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